Captain Jack – Opening, Social Proof versus “Player in the Game” and Game Dynamics

This is a great Captain Jack repost from his blog way back in the day, which went down a while back (meaning this article has been LONG LOST – until now).  I preserved it for a while for myself, but decided to bring it back here so people can experience it for themselves, and so I can assign it to some of my students.  It’s kind of a long post, however this is one badass piece of theory and tech.  If you can read and implement this you can add a pretty advanced element to your game that will help you start to elevate your success in field.  The Game Dynamics alone are something that, once understood, will totally bring you into the Matrix.

Captain Jack popped back on the scene recently.  You can find his blog here:

http://www.getabeautifulgirlfriend.com/

Captain Jack – Opening and Social Proof versus “Player in the Game” 

Since I’m going out to meet and seduce women more and actually working on SPs I’ve done a bit more experimentation and then, OUTSIDE THE FIELD, analysis of what I’ve noticed versus what I expected versus what I want.

I noticed the other day I was only marginally interesting to the hot bartenders and wait staff until I started talking to cougar and the milf.

Normally, I explain this as Social Proof. It’s one of the communities favorite theories. And, it seems to explain a lot. Cialdini popularized it and the definition is people will be more likely to do what they see other people doing.

What about in the case of a normal bootcamp when guys are opening, but getting blown out or failing to get attraction… they still get more AIs after opening than when they don’t open. And, in this case you’d expect them to get blown out so much the first few times that they’d be done for the night due to all the negative social proof. But, that doesn’t happen.

So, what’s going on?

Let’s examine this a bit further…

Have you ever looked at a woman and thought it looked “hard” to approach her and you weren’t sure if you wanted to risk it. Then, some chode went and opened her and she was extremely nice to him and everything went fine. Then, you said to yourself, “Holy shit… I could do better than that chode” and you walked over and opened?

Have you ever seen a hot girl with a chode and thought, “Damn… how the fuck did he get her? I’m 10x cooler than that guy” and if you had a smooth chance you’d have attempted to flirt?

Both of the above have happened to me and others many, many times. Here’s another related question:

Did you know that guys have been blown out after approaching women, gone back in later, and had it bust wide open?

What I’m going to say is that Social Proof doesn’t explain the warm responses you get from approaching women when you’ve been seen in set OR you merge sets with pawns…

I think it has to do with how she categorizes YOU in relation to the Game being played. She’s not keying off of the ACTUAL responses of the other women (that’d be pre-selection) as much as she’s keying off the realization that you are playing the Game.

See, women know that this is a Game. The Game is find an attractive mate to have sex with!

In any game there are Players and Spectators. If you are not talking to women, approaching women or already with women then you are a Spectator until proven otherwise. (She may HOPE that you are a Player and give you AIs to find out.)

Why do AIs increase when women see you open? Simply because they realize you are a Player and so are they so it’s an invitation from one Player to another Player to engage in the Game.

What about opening sets with a woman with you? First, it demonstrates you’re a Player in two ways, the opening and you are already with a girl. Second, much like you look at a dude and think you could do better than that guy, the girl looks at the girl and does the same… except girls seem to be much more aggressive in this area than the average community male. An Hb3 WILL try to unseat a 9 or 10… whereas most dudes who feel outclassed will shy away and ask if she has any friends or something.

You are most likely missing a lot of AIs. Assume any eye contact is an AI for the time being and you’ll get a lot of real world experience around the subject. Also, many afc/PUAs have trouble with making or keeping eye contact so practice holding eye contact if you haven’t done those types of drills. Especially if this is a weak point because it just won’t be tolerated in set. If this is a weak point for you literally stare girls down until you don’t feel any pressure to look away. A few days/nights of this is usually all you need.

You can make the assumption that if you see one AI you’ve probably missed 2 or 3.

Now, this snowballs. You open a set, girls notice, they start changing their body language and giving you AIs. They look in your direction more. Other girls pick up on this… you open more, new girls pick up on it plus the old girls. Snowball.

(If you’ve ever been in a club with a celebrity or sports star you’ll notice this on steroids magnified by one hundred. You can hardly keep a woman’s attention when there’s a big celeb in proximity.)

As you move around girls will shift body language towards you. You’ll get Proximity AIs from all girl sets, etc.

(In my eCoaching bootcamp I discuss Parading girls… it’s the fastest way to warm up the entire venue. I have a saying that if you can Parade 3 times in a night you will most likely get laid. It is magical.)

Can’t this be described by Pre-Selection?

Again, only partially. See, pre-selection means the women were visibly and intensely attracted to you and the other women noticed it. We have PLENTY of examples of guys who have a lot of hot female FRIENDS who couldn’t get laid if their life depended on it. What is going on here? Well, though they are surrounded by hot girls they never show new girls they meet that they are in the game. They never show her that they know her Goals and move her across the barriers/obstacles to the win.

Don’t get me wrong Pre-Selection DOES help. But, what I’m talking about is something even before and more basic. I’m talking about girls giving AIs and becoming warm just based on her/their analysis that you are playing the same Game they are. Pre-selection comes later… it is “He’s in the same Game AND he’s obviously good at it” (Parading, which I mentioned above, activates Pre-Selection especially when multiple girls are paraded together or close together in the same night.)

EVERYBODY in the game hates wasting time. Females don’t want an opportunistic Spectator to suck up their time so they usually reserve their AIs for proven Players. Girls also intuitively know that if she can get one guy to open her then a few others will get more courage and open. Thus, more Players and more opportunity for her to win.

What about Celebrities?

Let’s analyze this a bit… Why do women like Celebrities? I can think of a bunch of reasons.

1. Money? Money doesn’t hurt BUT, it can’t ONLY be money. Pro PUAs have many, many super rich guys come to us for help. Many super rich end up as sugar daddies for hotties and those situations aren’t usually exclusive.

2. Looks? Well, women don’t have the same physiological responses to looks as men do. Their acceptable range of looks is MUCH wider and is weak enough that we can totally ignore it. (Provided your grooming and style is good). Plus, many Celebrities are dog ugly.

3. Status? A strong contributor. Society has conditioned us to treat celebs better. Even dudes want to meet other celebrity dudes.

4. An Assumed Player in the Game. This conditioning of status begins the SNOWBALL we talked about earlier. When you get the multiple girls visibly interested, the society conditioning of treating celebs as special plus the idea of bragging rights and money, then you have a lot of factors working together. It is deduced, assumed, that they are prime Players in the Game… thus, the females play all out.

The Case of the Man with Social Proof but Not a Player in the Game.

Take a guy out with 3 women. One of them is his wife, the other two are her sexy girlfriends. He has a wedding band on. Does he get massive AIs? No. He might get a few at first… some women are screwy and like to try and others may not have noticed the ring but after about an hour or two in the venue he is essentially invisible to the other Players.

I noticed this when I was out with FBs/Girlfriends. I’d get a LOT of AIs at first and after a bit I was essentially invisible again. Sure I was with a hot girl (social proof idea) BUT it was pre-empted because the girls realized I wasn’t in the Game.

So, I put the idea of Social Proof on the backburner as something that, while valid, only partially described what was happening and opt instead for the fuller idea of Player in the Game. It better describes what actually occurs in the field. Spectators, Players, Winners, Obstacles and Goals.

This also helps to mesh Sexual Framing with some of the more standard MM structured approach. Though, I usually avoid the standard Peacocking, Pawning, Social Proof/DHV routines (ex. the routine where you show you with pics with hot girls, doing cool shit, hanging with cool people), with this idea they start to make sense together.

When I open and start Sexual Framing I’m demonstrating I’m a Player in the Game… that we are both playing the same Game, that I value her Game Goal (finding a guy who can make her feel sexy and sexual) and I’m willling to carry it home (so to speak! haa).

Since I’ve gotten good at opening one or two sets, hooking and staying in for the long haul the other girls notice it… if the set busts or unravels, many girls in the vicinity have noticed the deep sexual attraction between me and the other girl and have me pegged. Opening any girl who witnessed that makes my set go that much easier.

She isn’t looking for Value or Social Proof, she’s looking for the man in her near Vicinity who is the best Player in the Game.

If you understand this it will lessen your worry about people seeing a set go bad. It won’t matter, by opening you’ll show everyone else you’re in the game.

P.S. You should also feel less pressure from others watching you open because Spectators don’t count! And, Male Players are too busy playing to notice or care! In fact, if anything they’re probably thinking of allying with you to give both of you better chances to win.

Captain Jack: Game Dynamics and “Player in the Game” = Elegance

Quote
“Hmm I think this is boiling down to a bit of semantics and how you exactly define it. If I go to a bar with my hot female friends I get tons more AIs that if I go with my male buddies. Sure, if I don’t do anything about it then the AIs will die down over time (except for new girls entering the venue). But either way simply having hot girls with you gets you more interest than not, therefore scientifically proving that social proof is a contributory factor! It won’t get you laid (you’ll still have to open… duh!) but is sure as dandy helps!”

– comment by charliereay on “Opening and Social Proof Versus Player in the Game” post.

I am surprised I didn’t get more of these types of comments. When I published the post I expected to get a lot more of these types than the all out positive ones.

Let me start by saying this… I’m not saying Social Proof isn’t “right” or is “wrong.” What I’m saying is that it is INCOMPLETE. I’m pointing out that it leaves A LOT more unexplained than explained.

I discussed quite a few things that it left unexplained in the last post. There is a higher level dynamic at work when attracting, approaching and seducing women that better explains what is going on and that is the player in the game concept.

One GREAT way to know if you have found a better organizing principle is if you experience a surge in motivation to act or a desire to do things differently. Two or 3 commenters noted they felt more pumped to approach women. The reason is because when they adopted this idea it caused a spontaneous release of competing and inefficient ideas leaving more energy and attention available for action. And/or it stabilized a lot of floating thoughts thus lessening confusion (and confusion causes fear and apprehension.)

I’ll show you how it better explains common field phenomena and then I’ll show you how it ALSO explains Sexual Framing.

Social Proof

* Covered in previous post.

Peacocking

* Someone who is peacocking but not opening is a tool. Why? Socially we know, and women know, that Peacocking is something you do when you are Playing the Game. A dude who is Peacocked and not opening is socially weird. Likewise, people with low game awareness call scantily clad women in the club “sluts” not realizing this is what women do to invite the real Players to open. Saying that women open guys who are peacocked because they realize the men are Players in the Game is a leap… but, it is a very small leap. It might be better explained by saying that women can use it to show everyone THEY are playing the Game thus, getting her opened more without making it too obvious.

Pre-Selection

* I covered this a bit in the last post. Pre-Selection is a VERY valid and observable phenom. But, again this only applies to Players in the Game. When they realize you aren’t in the Game their awareness is no longer on you and all invitations and attention shift to find Players.

Jealousy Threads

* Again, you have to be a Player in the Game and have her attracted for a Jealousy Thread to exist. J-Threads are incredibly powerful. They are so powerful BECAUSE the Game has a limited time span (a Game Obstacle) and a limited number of Players (another Game Obstacle). Her desire to win compels her to focus more energy on a proven quantity as does her desire to IMPROVE against competition. (The competition is other females, not the males.) Add to that the fact that she WAS on her way to Winning and you’ve got a deep sense of loss and self-doubt creeping in. The idea that other females could be BETTER was theoretical, now it is all too real. She will do ALMOST anything to beat the competitor.

Disqualifiers

* There are two valid players. It looks like they are headed to winning… but, now one of them seems to be questioning whether or not the other is a Player… the chances of winning drop causing fear and increasing desire to get back in the Game.

DHVs

* I’m skeptical about the real use of DHVs EXCEPT when you are talking to a girl to whom that shit is important AND her logical mind is engaged. She can use that stuff to talk herself into liking you or giving you more time/chances.

Ok, “Player in the Game” refines those a bit without colliding and give us a better understanding.

We KNOW Mystery Method works AND it works very very well for what it is designed to do… Those items listed above are given as the reason MM works… But, what then explains the massive success of Sexual Framing which isn’t built on any of those?

Sexual Framing doesn’t use Jealousy-Threads, Pre-Selection, Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHVs), Merging, Pawning or Social Proof except as a consequence when a set unravels and you have to open a new one.

In fact, Sexual Framing VIOLATES many common MM principles.

Can the “Player in the Game” concept describe it? Yes! Wonderfully!

A Game is made up of Spectators, Players, Winners, Obstacles and Goals.

I’m not using Obstacles in the MM definition here. Although her friends COULD be Obstacles they aren’t by default. They are only Obstacles when they don’t KNOW that you and her friend have AGREED to play the game together.

Approaching, attracting and seducing women is often called The Game.

All Games are Based on Agreement.

Game Dynamic 1: You and her must agree you are both Players. Naturally, this is you making a smooth open, hooking the set and her entering communication with you. If you can’t get agreement on this you don’t have a Game.

Game Dynamic 2: You and her must agree you are both playing the same Game TOGETHER. By opening Sexual Frames you are telling her what Game you are playing. As she continues talking with you and playing along she is AGREEING that this is a male-female conversation with a sexual dynamic. If you can’t get agreement on this you don’t have a Game.

Game Dynamic 3: You must show her that you VALUE her Game Goal. By being non-judgmental and telling her you LOVE how sexy she is, etc you are showing her this. If you can’t get agreement on this you don’t have a Game.

Game Dynamic 4: You must demonstrate that you can carry her through the Obstacles… first by handling them in her mind, then in the immediate environment then over time. This can be done explicitly by getting the group to like you… getting her so into you that she does it and/or using an Inoculation Routine like I mentioned in “FR: College Girls!” Then, by baby-stepping her along ever so gently she’ll know/feel that she is having all the good feelings and none of the bad (like she usually does), she gets even more comfortable and puts more trust in you. If you can’t get agreement on this you don’t have a Game.

Also, you can look for her to show you the same! For example, when I ask her “You’re not the jealous type… are you?” and then tell a story about how I was “hanging out” (code for fucking) a girl and she got jealous and I didn’t approve I’m beginning to define what Game we are playing and putting in question her agreement on Dynamic 2. She has to alleviate my concerns by agreeing with me that jealousy sucks.

The Most Evil of All Evils

What about LMR? Can this even shed some light on LMR?

Yes!

LMR is primarily an unclear agreement about whether or not you are both playing the same Game (unclear Game Dynamic 2). It can also be that you haven’t shown her that you value her Game Goal (unclear on Game Dynamic 3).

If she is playing “Potential GF Game” and you are playing ONS game and she THINKS you are playing “Potential GF Game” but isn’t exactly sure due to mixed communication signals then… BAM! LMR. You’d have to have told her that your game works like this “Primarily Sexual and then possible grow into GF over time” in order to avoid it.

On the flipside, If you WERE playing to get a GF and she was CONVINCED you were…

…and she WAS playing that Game too…

…and she believed that giving it up wouldn’t destroy that Game (clear on Game Dynamic 3), then…

…she’d have no issue having sex with you the first night.

This is why so many of the PUAs trained in “social” forms of Pick-up have such a hard time getting laid.

They broadcast “social, fun guy — potential fun bf” on Game Dynamic 2 and then wonder why it takes forever to lay her… furthermore, they never make it clear that they VALUE sexuality so she has to be double certain it won’t fuck up that Game before having sex. They have methodically built tons of agreement on a DIFFERENT GAME (fun, cool, social bf) and wonder why the Game Goal of a DIFFERENT GAME isn’t happening.

Those Silly PUAs.

Captain Jack

P.S. Knowing what you know now about The Game Dynamics you should be able to pinpoint on WHICH Dynamic any busted set failed on. All “no-gos” are failure on Game Dynamic 1. All sets that unravel come from failures on Game Dynamic 4, etc. What would you do with said information? Why you’d examine your Game Plan and look for deficiencies in your common routines/stacks/ideas/beliefs in that area, shore it up, set up experiments/solutions and get your ass back in the Field!

P.P.S. Disqualifiers work because they threaten agreement on Game Dynamic 1. See that? If there isn’t agreement on all the Game Dynamics, there is NO GAME, thus no chance of winning. Jealousy Thread threatens Game Dynamic 2.

That’s it for now.  If you got something you wanna say, feel free to comment down below.

Until next time…  “If it ain’t wet, spit on it!”

Step Through That Window – How to Skyrocket Your Success With Dating and Relationships

So I got into a little discussion on twitter.  There is an article about a study that was done by @Single_N_Dating  that suggests that:

Jun 24

: Our study says on a will keep u from forming a

This inspired me to write a LONG thought about article that will be SUPER POWERFUL for guys at intermediate to advanced level if they can learn to take advantage of what I am about to share here.  This is NOT something that I think anyone else out there is really talking about, and has come from a LOT of time in field and having a LOT of successful as well as unsuccessful interactions.

In reference to the twitter comment above: Since I think relationships are not really well known or talked about (just like getting sexual) by most “Guru’s” in the Pickup and Seduction community, probably because it’s not something most of them have a lot of actual experience with (that’s another story – and the same reason, IMO so many of them don’t really discuss getting sexual that often – not to bag on all the guys coaching or teaching this stuff, there are some guys (albeit very few) who have some GREAT stuff that teaches getting sexual – I have reblogged a few of them in the past. Will list some at the bottom for your perusal.) I have been inspired to share this with you – since this post is both powerful for creating relationships AS WELL AS helping you escalate ANY PART of the interaction to the next level.

So let’s get into it with some EXAMPLES of MISSING the WINDOWS:

The first time I remember noticing this was once after I had an awesome 3 days with a burlesque dancer, and she called me telling me how she really liked me; “I REALLLLY Like you…” she said over the phone.  Then she proceeded to ask me if she could come over and spend the night.  I was pretty good at game back then, but I was kinda inexperienced with relationships.  Basically I was a little over-gamee and figured the way to make her want me more was to DENY her coming to see me.  Sometimes game is great, other times it can kill any attraction a woman has for you.  But that’s why we go out and practice this stuff.  So I told her, “no..  I can’t tonight.”

Well, soon things were done.  The attraction was over, she stopped calling me and I couldn’t even get her out on a date.   This was a girl who just got done exclaiming to me how much she really liked me, and now she wasn’t even interested.  How did that happen?

It’s because when she asked to come over, she opened that window for me to take things to the next level.  I didn’t bite.  That was her spontaneous self expressing, “Hey, I like you, let’s make this something more.”  And to her, MY self said, “No, I’m not interested. Sorry…”  Even though that’s not really what I said, she took it that way, and there was no going back.  Window opened and closed – never to open again.

Another time I was with a girl.  I fucked her at her house.  I REALLY liked this girl too.  It was the third time we got together.  She asked me to spend the night.  I had an old dog at that time, and I loved him.  And I knew he was on his last legs, and I worked all the fucking time so I wanted to be there for him as much as possible.  I didn’t want him to be alone at night.  So i couldn’t stay the night.  I told her this exact reason. 

A couple days later she texted me she had a lot going on and couldn’t see me anymore.  She opened that, “Let’s take things further” window and I failed to step through.  She didn’t hear anything about a dog.  She SPONTANEOUSLY FELT that MOMENT, Opened the window and I failed to step through, so that window CLOSED never to open again.

I never saw that girl again.

Recently I was dealing with some health issues.  I had a girl who I just closed, and she also started to like me.  She called me one day after I talked to her on the phone and told me she wanted to come see me after work.  Because my health issues were fucking me up, I didn’t call her back.  Guess what?  Same story.  She sort of disappeared off the map.  When she FELT that SPONTANEOUS urge to reach out and take things to the next level, she opened that WINDOW and I failed to step through, never to have that window open again.

A long time ago I was with a girl and was escalating.  She was resisting a little.  But then we had a nice It’s On Moment in a book store (in the children’s section of all places lol) where we started making out.  She said, “Weren’t you saying something about going back to your place?”  I decided to PUSHwhen I should have PULLED and said something like, “Maybe…  We’ll see what happens.”  And guess what?  We never ended up back at my place.  When I tried to pull her back later she said it was getting late and that she had to work the next day.  I never ended up fucking her.  When that SPONTANEOUS window opened, I didn’t step through and it closed FOREVER.

Same thing happened to a Wingman of mine who opened a chick in daygame.  She was clearly giving him the signal that if he would have escalated they would have probably had sex.  I left them hinting that I wanted to let them be isolated, but within 5 minutes he came over alone.  I told him he could have fucked her, and it totally dawned on him, “Ya.  I could have.”

When he went back to try and re-initiate with the girl he said she acted Weird and unresponsive.  That’s right, you guessed it.  When she FELT that SPONTANEOUS moment and he didn’t take advantage she chalked it up to her imagination, felt that he MUST NOT be the guy she thought he was (incongruence) and when he tried to reopen that window she felt WEIRD about it.

EXAMPLES – Doing it Right!

Once I was on a date with a chick (who to this date still has the record of biggest natural boobs on a chick I had sex with.  Oh how I miss them.)  We were walking from the coffeeshop to the bar next door.  I felt the MOMENT that I should kiss her.  I went, out of the blue, for the kiss.  She DENIED me.  She said she wasn’t ready yet.  However, at the end of the night when I walked her to her car, we started making out hardcore.  Soon she was asking, “Where did you park?  I’ll walk drive you to your car.”  Then she wanted to listen to music I had mentioned earler and asked if I had some in my car…

Anyone with any experience at this game knows what that means… For those of you who don’t (or are just literalists) she wanted to fuck me in my car.  Oh the glory of seeing her laying back on my car seat with those huge boobs out for the first time!  ;)

On a date with a girl, who said she wanted a cigarette, but we were only on our FIRST DRINK on our date.  I felt like that was a hint from her to me, because we were just talking about sexuality.  I suggested we go to my place, because she could smoke there and it was only a couple blocks away. She smoked her cigarette and soon she was giving me what I still consider the best blowjob of my life and she had one of the most amazingly clean and yummy vaginae (I still can’t get over the plural of the word vagina). I have ever came across.

A girl was at my place and she said pretty early on, “I am NOT fucking you.”  But she stuck around and kept shit-testing me while we drank some wine.  I kept escalating despite her resistance but she STAYED.  That whole thing was a WINDOW.  She kept it open as long as I was stepping through and within an hour or so she said, “Why don’t you just fuck me already and get it over with.”  If I would have took her resistance at face value and stopped escalating (PS for those of you playing at home, this is not the weird Rapee escalation shit so many feminists are yammering about.  It is simply verbal sparring, touching a little but push pulling, maybe some RJ style escalation patterning, and always giving her the OPTION to leave.  I always sit in a place where the girl has an easy way out.  That shows her subconsciously you are not trying to corner her.  I always sit so she has EASY access to the closest door out, and even in this case when she said, “I’m not fucking you tonight.” I simply replied, “Well I don’t know what you’re doing here then.  If there’s 0% chance of us fucking you may just want to go home so we both don’t waste any time.”

Her response was, “I’m not passing up an opportunity to drink some good wine.”

That was her opening the WINDOW.  It was my job to step through.  

A girl I was serving once back in the day when I was a server, gave me her facebook at my suggestion because I was working and figured it would be too much to get her number while serving her.  (Calibration is a powerful thing.)  Later she sent me a friend request that I accepted.  She lived in Marathon and I lived in Key West.  A couple days later I saw her Status Update on her wall, that was NOT addressed to me or anyone else in particular which said, “Heading to the Keys today to do a little sight seeing.”

I replied to her status, “Must be nice.  I’m working till tonight.”

She replied, “Well maybe I’ll stop by and say Hi when you’re off work.”

MOMENT.  She KNEW on some level what she was going for when she posted her status.  If I saw it or not would have made no difference to her, as an emotional creature.  The fact that I did, However, let her live in that SPONTANEOUS moment she created.  She opened a window I stepped through.  

When she showed up later to say, “Hi.” she was dressed to the 9’s in a summer dress, and done up.  My coworker asked me, “Do you know her?  She’s BEEAAUUTIFFULL!”

And that girl became my Long Term Girl for about 2 years.

I know this is a long post and there are a lot of examples, but this is because this element of game is VERY difficult for guys to learn and many times you will MISS these windows and not realize it until AFTER which is too late.  So, my purpose with these examples is to give your mind an in idea to grab onto so you can really learn something.  This is not something guys out there are teaching about because it takes a LOT of experience to see this kind of thing.

To break it down:

1.  Window Opens.

2.  Guys Steps Through or he doesn’t.

3.  Window closes never to open again.

What side of the window do you want to be on?

Comments, Questions, Concerns?

By the way, if you like this article, man, SHARE it, post it wherever, Tweet it on Twitter or follow me on twitter (or maybe even both), click some of those buttons below the post or give me some love right on here by liking and rating the post.  Gimmee some of that Luuuhhhve! ;)

Until next time!

Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup

Hey there, I just wanted to introduce you to a long time friend and great wingman of mine named Peter Grimm.  He recently wrote a great post filled with some basic as well as advanced concepts.  As you guys know I like my discussions about Seduction  or Dating to be FIELD TESTED advice, and Peter brings a LOT of experience as well as success to the table.  I am excited about this post and I know you’re both find it a fun and informative read.

Here we go!

Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup

First, let me introduce myself.  My name is Peter Grimm, I’m a good friend of Ronnie’s and was asked to join this group to lend a hand and help bring along some of the new guys who want to experience as much success with women as possible.

First, let me say, I applaud you guys for taking that leap – for dedicating yourselves, for putting yourselves and your egos out there for the sole purpose of grabbing life by the balls and getting the absolute most out of it.  I wish you all the success in the world and I sincerely hope that my experiences can help you speed up your growth and get you to where you want to be as quickly and painlessly as possible.

About me:  I’m nothing special.  I don’t have a silver tongue.  In fact, I’m a pretty quiet, introverted and reserved guy for the most part.  I’m not the center-of-attention pickup type you normally associate with this sort of thing.  I’m not rich either.  I don’t have a flashy job.  I’m a middle manager at an oil company, and my job bores women to tears.

That said, I have had quite a bit of success with women in my lifetime, particularly in the last couple years.  I lost track, but I believe my “count,” if you want to call it that, is somewhere around 200 women at the moment.  A good number of them are quite beautiful.  I am currently sleeping with seven beautiful women…. I would characterize it as I have that part of my life handled.

I don’t say any of that to brag, but rather to encourage you readers – I want you to know that if you really put your mind toward your goal of getting better with women, that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and that you WILL find the success you are looking for.

How I did it was mainly trial and error.  I joined the Dallas Lair in 2008, and I was your typical newbie from that era running around with leather wrist cuffs, feather boas, bedazzled tshirts and 52 rings on my fingers, using canned openers straight out of The Game (hint: you don’t need that stuff).  I read everything under the sun, I took a couple bootcamps, and I went out constantly.  Like 4/5 days a week for a couple years.  I got better and eventually moderated the dallas lair for a little while, then I got burned out from lairs, got in and out of a couple serious relationships, and did my own thing for a while (still going out every weekend).

Anyway, enough about me.  Im gonna go ahead and post this, and below, I will do a writeup of my general thoughts about pickup and how I believe you should structure your learning in order to get good as fast as humanly possible, so you can start enjoying the success you deserve.

Where to begin. 

First of all, what you should know about pickup is that it’s EASY.  There is so much material and advice out there, one can easily get overwhelmed, but it shouldn’t be that way.  When you really break it down, the fundamentals and principles of meeting and sleeping with women (and everything between and after) are NOT complicated and can be easily understood by everyone.

Second, pickup is FUN.  Never lose sight of that.  Never view this as a job or a chore, you’re trying to get your rocks off… it’s not that serious, and it’s not the end of the world if you get blown out every now and then.  This is part of your life, a diversion, it’s not your WHOLE life.

Alright, now let’s get to some meat and potatoes.

Keep in mind that everything I post below is MY OPINION.  Based on MY EXPERIENCES.  It’s not gospel, and there are many ways to skin a cat.  If anyone disagrees with anything I write, that’s fine…. what works for me works for me…. but ultimately you each need to decide for yourselves what your beliefs and philosophies are going to be.

1.)  Myth #1:  Looks don’t matter.

You read this in almost every pickup book you’ll ever buy.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but this one is bullshit.  Looks absolutely do make a difference.  You’re just going to have to learn to accept that reality.  That’s not to say that ugly guys can’t get girls, or even hot girls, but the good looking guy is going to have a lot more chances.  Let me put it to you this way, using a baseball analogy.  An average guy is going to get three strikes before he’s out.  An ugly guy might get one.  A good looking guy will get many more chances to fuck up because the girl wants him to succeed.

Now if you’re thinking about getting discouraged…. DON’T.  Understand that what I mean by “looks” are 80% within your control.  Probably the biggest thing you can do to improve your game RIGHT NOW, which is why I put looks at #1 on my list, is IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.

Bold text alert:  THE SINGLE BIGGEST THING YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR GAME TODAY, RIGHT NOW, IS TO IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.

Let that sink in and marinate.  And I don’t just mean the basics like stand up straight and don’t lean in.  That stuff is important too, but understand that body language is more important than the words that come out of your mouth.

To improve in that area…. practice, practice, practice.  Work on holding good, confident eye contact.  Work on getting rid of that nervous laugh, any nervous ticks, work on moving slowly and confidently.  Mimic actors… that might be the single best way to improve in this area.  Read books on the subject.  In other words, take the study seriously and dedicate time to it, it will pay dividends big time.

Work on your voice.  This one is simple, the deeper, louder, and less shrill your voice is, the more pussy you will slay.  So be mindful of it.  Take voice lessons if you need them.

Aside from body language, get to work on your body.  Eat right, and get your ass in the gym.  Nobody likes busting their ass in the gym but he who works hard plays hard.  It will make a difference with your well-being, and it will certainly make a difference with your success with women.  I’ll leave it at that.

Finally, dress to impress.  I find a marked difference in my success with women just based on how I dress that particular day.  Learn what fabrics and colors look good on you, find your own style, etc.  Again, there are a million different resources out there on how to dress nicely so I won’t go in to it now (if you want me to recommend some, just ask), but this one should be obvious:  pick up a woman’s magazine, and you’ll quickly realize how much clothing matters in the world of women.  It’s how they judge each other, and it’s how they’ll judge you.  It’s how you present yourself to the world, of course it matters.  It’s so easy to do this one right, to set yourself apart from 90% of men out there who dress downright sloppy and without any thought or effort… so just make up your mind to do it and reap the benefits.

To sum up:  I think physical game (looks, dress, body language, voice) account for easily over half of your success with women.  My personal view is that if you can get your physical game 100% down tight, which is just a matter of effort more than anything, then game from that point on becomes about JUST NOT FUCKING UP.

That’s right.  It’s not about dazzling her with your creative stories, your witty one-liners, your practiced openings…. if you get your physical game down tight you don’t need to do anything… everything else becomes a simple question of 1.) not falling in to newbie traps and 2.) Simple logistics.

2.)  Myth #2:  You need good openers to succeed in pickup.

Nope.  99% of women don’t even remember what you opened them with.  Here’s how this whole thing works.  When you open your mouth to begin talking to a woman, she automatically begins assessing you as a potential mate.  This is just automatic.  She’s checking boxes subconsciously in her head.

So the whole idea that you need some “excuse” to talk to her is contrary to basic biology and it puts you in a defensive state of mind, which is not attractive nor is it beneficial to you.

I only open women two ways:  1.)  Situational openers or 2.) Direct openers.  I personally prefer direct, but situational is more socially normal so it just happens more naturally at times (however, bear in mind that it’s always implied, even when you open situationally, that since she is a woman and you are a man, you are feeling each other out as potential partners.)

3.)  Myth #3….. picking up girls at bars is creepy/weird

It isn’t.  You’re a man, you’re attracted to women, it’s biology and it’s perfectly normal and never apologize for being attracted to a girl.

A word on “creepy.”  What is “creepy,” anyway?  You hear this from girls all the time when they’re talking about a guy they don’t like, “oh he’s creepy.”  What does that mean?

Creepy for a woman is a guy who is nervous, who hides his intentions.  The creepy guy leers and stares at the girl but doesn’t work up the courage to talk to her, or he mumbles and skirts around what he really wants, so that she’s left feeling afraid.

We fear what we don’t understand.  Make yourself easy to understand to women, and women won’t fear you, and you won’t creep them out.

So if you notice a hot girl and the thought that runs through your head is “my, what a hot girl,” then your next reaction should be to go up to her and say “I thought you looked really good and I wanted to come say hello.”  Do not use an indirect opener in this situation because she will sense the incongruency, that will cause anxiety, and it’s not productive for you.

Myth #4:  Negs don’t work. 

In the early days of the PUA community, negs were all the rage.  Then a school of thought came around that said negs are useless, you don’t need them, don’t bother incorporating them in to your game.

Well I’m here to tell you, and again this is my opinion, that negs absolutely do work, I don’t know where that contrarian school of thought came from, but yes they work and yes you should incorporate them in to your game.

And that brings us to the subject of validation:  one of the most important concepts in pickup and one that you should master in its entirety.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GIRL WHO ISN’T ACTIVELY TRYING TO PROVE HERSELF TO YOU.

Let that sink in, because it’s important.

In nearly every interaction between two people, one person is trying to validate themselves to another.  You need to remember two things:   a.) NEVER validate yourself to a woman and b.) ALWAYS be sure that she’s trying to validate herself to you.

This goes back to what I wrote about game being all about not fucking up:  If you start validating yourself to a woman, you can be Brad Pitt, but you’re not going to get laid.  NEVER, NEVER do it.

So there are two ways you can make a woman validate herself to you, which will ramp up her attraction toward you better than anything else I know….

a.)  neg her  (these should be subtle and NOT seen as insults.  Again, there are a lot of materials out there on how to properly neg so I won’t get in to it here.)   b.)  qualify her  (basically, give her a compliment to the tune of “I like how you XYZ, you’re different from other girls, most girls are completely not like that.”)

Use these and profit.

Myth #5:  You have to be the alpha male, center of attention, all the time.

Nope.  You don’t.  As long as she’s validating herself to you, then you’re more alpha than her, and that’s all you need for the emotional chemistry to work and for you to get some.

Every PUA goes through the “I must be more alpha than everyone, AMOG everyone, hand on the shoulder” stage in their career.  Shit, I was that guy for a while.  While it doesn’t hurt to be the leader, it certainly isn’t the end of the world if you aren’t.  Focus on the nuances of validation instead, that will get you a lot further in my opinion.

It won’t kill you with women if you’re a bossy asshole…that’s not what you’re being evaluated on… but your friendships might suffer.  Just a thought.

Myth #6:  The comfort stage is just about talking about yourself, I don’t need to study it.

Wrong!!  Game is won or lost in the comfort stage, I can’t stress that enough.  I don’t often recommend or push products, but one I can really recommend for this is Kezia Noble has a DVD about comfort… I can’t remember what it’s called now but it really breaks down what you need to do better than anything else I can remember reading.

In a nutshell, that stage of the game isn’t about talking about you.  It’s about getting her to open up about herself at a very deep level.  You want to get good at asking the right questions that will help you understand the thoughts and beliefs that make her who she is.

That’s the ultimate goal.  It’s not about you expressing yourself, it’s about you focusing your attention on her and helping her to express her belief system to you.