All day long I was thinking about writing in my new blog and now that I have sat down to write I discover that I’m not sure what I’m going to write about. I see some dorky looking guy with sunglasses hanging from the front of his button up; I can’t find a good place to sit and that place I want to sit in in habited by this other Indian guy that for some reason I don’t like already, and his half nerd, half hippy buddies are inhabiting the space – but actually I just decided to sit here anyway since my battery was about to die on my laptop and it seemed like a good place to write. Oh, also his nerd-hippy-world of warcraft brigade stepped away but he is still. I’m sure he’s an ok guy, afterall I don’t even know him; and as I write this I think of the people on Youtube that people end up ridiculing because of this reason or that; and I realize that speaking your mind in this society is, unless it is politically correct, frowned upon.
Ok – so I got into a bad vibe earlier and not too long ago. I’m …
This is also not comfortable at all…
Ok, I just adjusted. Fucking WOW brigade is back. The fattest and dorkiest guy is talking about some grandiose scheme about some sort of production he and his group are supposed to be having. Sounds like a film, but possibly something I hate and I’m willing to bet most people will too.
Kinda like this post. I can tell it’s drivel, but I have to get it out. It is HOW I write – not Drivel, Ass! It is… Stream of consciousness, I guess. I was thinking more Flow of Thought but of course when I googled it, that’s the term that came up. I’m sure there are some famous authors out there who write like this, but I couldn’t tell you who they are. I didn’t pick this writing style, i didn’t study for years to learn what type of writing works for me; I just did it.
So, back to what put me in such a bitchy mood as to pick on the poor, WOW producers up front (yes, I moved again to a different table because the chair I thought looked so comfortable ended up not being comfortable at all. This one might work, I dunno. Back fucking problems..
I bet if I go back and read this post I will throw up. I really should scrap it, but I want this blog to be an expiriment, an outlet, a journey and a path. I can’t eliminate who I am or stifle my thoughts so I figure if I go back, and forth and write these things down, and combine some of the old and the new, I will be on some path to self discovery and really find out who I am…
That last statement is completely true and also complete bullshit.
Ok, I have to delve into this so I can write something worth while. Shitty moods spread, they are like a virus. Let’s talk about this. I was in a great mood, discovering, exploring and meeting a couple cool girls today. I was on my way back to my neck of the woods, driving in my car, and at this cross street I stopped at the 4 way stop, and some douchebag, middle aged business class guy in his minivan thingamajig did a rolling stop while talking on his fucking star trek phone (you guys and girls who think you are sophisticated or cool or whatever talking on your fucking bluetooth ear-buds, PLEASE – No one outside of you thinks you are cool. You are screaming to the world, “douchebag”. Also understand that people you are talking to can’t understand a word coming out of your mouth. They are probably just saying, “ya…” and “uh-huh…” to avoid having to say, “What?” over and over just to hear you gobble and throsh through the phone so that they still don’t understand you.), and cut me off. It was annoying a little, so I waved him on. Of course off in his little blue tooth world he was literally oblivious (at least he seemed so) to the fact that he just rolled on through.
That was annoying. But even MORE annoying was the lady who was crossing the street, coming from the left, who was about 10 feet from my car as I turned the corner, crossing “her” crosswalk. Look, I know some of you who live in BIG cities know these people. Some of you in other places may know them too, but in cities like Chicago; well, that’s where you learn these people exist, when you may not have noticed them before. She shouts as I drive by her, not even (mmmm – sorry, there is this runners club that just came in and this girl in tights is stretching her leg, you know where you pull your foot back while standing, and she is wearing leggings and … Man, All I can think about is whats underneath.
Girls reading this – Not all guys know you do what you do on purpose. You girls walk around the city with leggings on that form-fit your ass and leave little to the imagination. You can not – NOT know the effect you are having on sexually active (and sexually repressed) guys out there. Actually, all men in general are most likely effected. I am not complaining. I embrace! I love it!! Anyway the point it, it really feeds into my theory about women being like sexual Venus Fly Traps. You may or may not have trained yourself to think you dress that way for yourself, “…because it makes me feel good.” but it is to attract mates. Guys do not put on thongs to go jogging. Women put on tight little outfits to show off their legs, asses, stomachs, boobs – the works, while they are working out.
Anyway… where the f— was I?)
….Ok, so I wasn’t even close to her, as I said, and she had to be noticed “Please notice me! I am important too!!!” Really what she shouted was, “Watch out for pedestrians!” It just welled up inside me to the point where (dammit I’m so horny now. . . (see above)) I basically shouted, “Go fuck yourself!” out the window back at her. The thing is, I’m not a rager. I’m not that guy who gets all pissed, but I am completely attentive to my moods. I’ll get back to that in a second. These people – Cross walk warriors – you can actually see them speed up when you are driving over a crosswalk.
Let’s go over this class of people in Chicago. I think I will borrow a term from Dungeons & Dragons (lol – yes I will make fun of the WOW dorks up front having played both World of Warcraft and Dungeons & Dragons myself at periods of my life): Rules Lawyer. So compared to a place like, say, Key West, Florida a place like Chicago has a LOT of rules and regulations. What that creates or attracts are a small group of individuals who make up for their shortcomings in life by overcompensating rules – Hear me out because if you experienced them, you will know who they are.
- Bikers – They do things like get in the middle of the road lane and block traffic at a stop light or wherever. They will scream things at old ladies like, “Share the ROAD!” I’m not kidding about the old lady thing. I came to a stop light once in front of me was this guy on a bike screaming at some old lady telling her he was a cop and didn’t she know how to share the road. The little old lady was frightened, I could see it. Anyway so once she went I pulled up next to him and said, “You’re a cop huh? You have a badge number? Maybe you should relax a little and not freak out on old ladies.” I doubt he was a cop. More likely he was a Rules Lawyer and an asshole.
- Crosswalk Warriors – We already discussed them.
- Poop Patrol – Watch out! There are people who are paying more attention to your dog, while you’re walking them, than you are; and not in a healthy way. I was walking my dog once time through Wrigleyville and (well… he’s old – leave him alone) he decided to double poop. He pooped before, but decided he needed a second go a few minutes later. I had no bag to pick it up. After he pooed I scanned the area and decided I would go find a shop close by and ask for a bag. As soon as I made this decision and was 5 feet from where Mr Poop (my English Bulldog’s real name) pooped I heard some drunk guy shouting, “Oh so you’re just gonna leave his shit right there!?” He wanted to be the fricking poop police and shout, swear and so on. We got face to face and soon his buddies came out. Of course once his friends were there to hold him back he was all about, “I’ll kick your ass – Let me go!” while he pretended to resist his friends holding him back. Anyway (wow this post is so ANGRY today! There’s the title.) there is an extreme example of Poop Patrol.
- Bike Path Warriors – Don’t ENJOY the bike path. It’s not there for you to enjoy. It’s there for the dude in his $200 spandex suit and goofy helmet to use to compete with the other people dressed similarly. I was rollerblading one time on the bike path, and talking on my cell phone. I was enjoying the conversation and laughing. Some guy freaked out – no one else seemed to care but him, “GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!! THIS IS A BIKE PATH!!!” I’m not sure about the relation between the two statements. It’s funny, if you go down the bike path you will see these people who are out there, and I really don’t think they are out there for themselves. They seriously are there to compete in their minds with everyone else out there. Don’t believe me – Test the theory yourself. Next time you are rollerblading or biking and you re having a good go at it, pass one of the people who you think might seem really into this. If you have the right person, I challenge that if you were to, for instance, change paths and slow up a little, that that person will just so happen to be following you and will try to pass you. Another way you can tell is if you catch them in a moment where they are off guard and you pass them, only to notice them speed up and have to pass you back a moment later. There are similar people on the freeway and you can toy with them too by speeding up very slightly when they go for the pass, and the more you slowly speed up the faster they will go to pass you even if it means going way faster than they were in the first place and slowing down once they are in front of you.