The Trifecta

TSOD:

April 16 2007 – From my private  Journal…

Remember.  All the names here have been changed to protect the innocent.  All except for Chuang Tzu. 😉 

I have just finished reading Chuang Tzu.  Not to mention that I have had one of the most fantastic weekends of my entire life up to now.  Finishing Chuang Tzu helped me to realize something.  Lets tangent off so I can put things into perspective and explain my point.

Thursday night:  I spent the night with J.  We watched Run Ronnie Run after we watched Borat; two of my current favorite (credit A.D. Rock) comedies.  I was very tired so we went to bed and things heated up and my tired was suddenly gone.

In her bed we started making out and I was pleasing her and thus pleasing myself.  I’ve kissed J. so much lately that I’ve fulfilled a long time fantasy of kissing her again.  It was wonderful and erotic and pleasurable.  Pure bliss.  We messed around for quite some time then I suggested we face each other and masturbate.  That’s exactly what we did!!

Soon after watching her and helping her some I got completely excited and came.  I then focused my attention on her and used my thumb to rub her clit and fingers in her g-spot and soon she had a massive orgasm.  Good times.  The secret is I love giving orgasms.  They make me happy.   Ya weird huh.  I’m a guy that likes pleasing a woman as much as I like being pleased.  Ok ok…  Almost. 😉  Anyway, after a peaceful sleep we went and ate breakfast at a local diner.  Great chick and great start to the day!

Later that night I was supposed to get a call from Amanda.  What a fucking Doll she is.  I nicknamed her Rock –n- Roll because of her Avril Lavigne style rock look.  God she’s hot and 22!!

We hook up and go get some drinks at the French Laundry then on to the Cantina for some Mexican food.  As usual, there was an hour wait to get in, so I poured the charm on the Hostess, Jenna, who “just so happened to have one spot that just became available.  So cutting, with permission of course, in front of everyone in the line we were escorted to a table.  Amanda called me amazing.  I figured I would bonus the cute Jenna girl with 5 quid for the extra effort.  Of course I was also thinking of a way to tip her in other ways maybe later on down the line.

Amanda and I ate, chatted, had a good time.  And then she says she has a party to go to.  Inside I felt a little disappointed.  I’m thinking, all this charm and fun and a cool vibe and she’s cutting out right after we eat?  Grrrr…  But oh well.  I told her I was a little disappointed but I understand.  I guess that was good enough for her because that night at about 3:30am I get a text from her, right after doing a little sexting with J.  She wants to come over and spend the night.  So she comes all the way out to my house from fucking Burton having never been here before and gets completely lost.  I had to go rescue her.

Her:  “Where the fuck is your house?  I’m lost!”

Me:  “You’re not lost.  I’m part barbarian.  I never get lost.”

Her:  “I’m in the forest.   Everything looks the same here.”

Me:  “What do you see around you?”

Her:  “I don’t know.  There’s a barn.”

Me:  “Ok.  I’ll be right there.”

I go get her and she follows me to my forest lake cottage deluxe.

Kissing. Making out.  Fondling her fantastic tits.  Kissing her all over her body.  That amazing ass on her athletic body.  Those tits felt great!  So firm and even a little big but not too big.  Remember.

Then there’s the part where I G-Spot her.  She would lose control of her body and lunge upward at me looking at me like she didn’t know where she was, and yet at the same time looking at me with a look of passion and wonder.  I would kiss her and go on for a moment like this as her eyes rolled back into her head, then I would allow her to rest.  Two or three times I did this to her, the last time even getting a little worried.  She was motionless.  Her eyes rolled back, even when I stopped touching her.  She even seemed to be convulsing a little.  I guess you could say it was both sexy and scary at the same time.  Eventually she came to.  I let he sleep the next morning.  I was in the living room listening to some house music.  She came in and started dancing.  Cute….

Of course, she had to leave.  That didn’t stop me from making her drop all her stuff at my door on her way out, putting my hand in between her legs and kissing her.

Later on that night me, Seeni, Farshod and Byron went to Roosevelt’s.  I run bullshit game on the waitress just for fun.  Byron and I are jawing back and forth.  He’s been working out these days, I think maybe getting into some MMA shit or something.  We end up armwrestling, and surprisingly he’s pretty tough but I end up winning anyway…  The fun art about it is he tells me he hurt his arm.

Later on in the night we’re up and about checking out the place, and I decide to excuse myself to hit the bathroom.  Amanda was texting me and apologizing for giving me morning blueballs.  I start telling her about Morrissey and Tuesday night, a concert I want to take her to, but she starts talking about a job or something an gives me the “we’ll see.”  We finish the texting and I walk out of the bathroom and to my happy surprise the fellas are chilling with this tall, hot, older milf with large tits and kick ass legs holding up her tall frame.

I spied this chick earlier but thought, for some reason, she was with her husband.  Inspecting the hand, something I am quite terrible at, I notice no ring.  I try not to flirt with her because Seeni is trying to work a little magic of his own, but it’s hopeless.  Her boobs are mesmerizing me and soon I find myself gaming her a little, but quickly regain my composure to be a good wing and let Seeni have his shot, after he gave me the signal that he was going for her.

We were headed to a party in a bit, about 30 minutes drive away in Ann Arbor at Dan’s place, and to help a brother out I did invite Sharon along.  The goal was to get her and Seeni to ride together so he could have plenty of time to make a connection.  I figured it was going to happen or he was going to blow it but he needed to have his fair shot.  I’m sure in the back of my mind I was wanting him to blow it, but the thing is, I am a good wing to the point of being pissed sometimes.  I may have to sit back and let my friend go home with some hot girl I think I could have, but then again, this game is all about sharing and caring and I probably wouldn’t have any cool wings if I spent my time fucking them over.

So we get to the party.  Seeni and Sharon show up and I can tell right away… It’s not happening.  Eventually Seeni pulled me aside and gave me the go ahead to go for it.  And that’s exactly what I did.  Long story short; she ended up following me another 30 minutes drive Further away from where we first met her, to my lake cottage of solitude deep in the forest.  I am always amazed at this.  It really is beautiful here but at night, you’re a girl, it’s dark outside, and this place is located deep in the middle of a forest.  I could be some fricken psycho killer type, and yet, these girls keep coming back here.  Only one stopped when we got close and I had to assure her everything was cool.

So we get back to my place where Amanda had just shared my bed the night before and Sharon and I fucked.  And I mean Fucked.  I was a little drawn out from two nights of playing so I figured, just to be safe, I would pop a little Viagra half.  Jesus H Christ (excuse my language) this was one of my favorite fuckings so far.  She knew what she liked, knew what I likes, had an amazing body and was taller than me, which is Super fucking hot.  I love tall women.  LOVE them.  The only draw back which was not a draw back at all was that she had the older style Silicone implants.  She said it herself, “The look amazing but feel like shit.”

But the look on that body outdid the feeling by a long shot, and besides, her pussy, complete with it’s little ring piercing, was super hot.  I alternated between eating her out and fucking.  Back and forth and we went at it for quite a long time.

It was funny too.  I remember back at the parking garage in Ann Arbor right before we left to go to my house she asked bluntly, “Is this going to be worth it?”

I answered her, “Absolutely.  You’ll love it.  I read books on it and everything…”

And back to the present moment she said something like, “Those books sure did work out for you!”  There’s great sex and then there’s GREAT sex and I felt like I could not stop fucking her.  Maybe it was the Viagra…  Who knows.  But at the end of it all I just remember burying my face in between her boobs and snuggling with her.  I’m such a big baby.  Really I just want to curl up and be nurtured and feel safe.  Funny how that happens.  Burying my face between a nice set of boobs is one of the safest feelings in the world.   She liked it too.  I remember her cradling my head there with her hand.

But the inevitable happened in this situation and it was time for her to go.  I’m never the kick out guy.  I will let them stay as long as they want.  I suppose it’s the chivalry part of me.  I’m not trying to be a jackass.  I’m trying to have some cool memories for when I get old, and I’m trying to send these women home with a big glowy smile on their face before they have to get back to reality.

Of course time has passed and I suddenly realized one big problem I seem to have.  I still didn’t allow myself to relax, having a weekend like this.  I still felt a little anxious or unsatisfied on the inside.  I still wanted more.  Even after 3 women in 3 days I feel like something’s missing.

I looked at the phone to see if anyone texted me.  And then I took it, and turned it off.  I decided to meditate.  I was like, I should be feeling great about this.  Now and for the rest of this week I need to relax and be thankful I had such a kickass weekend and try to get past the WANT.

Of course if I get more, GREAT!  If not, though, I should be cool with it.  My phone is still off as I write this.  I have a feeling once I turn it on again the magic will continue.  We shall see…

A Tale of Two Choices

Tsod off!

Butthurt.  That’s the word of today.  Sometimes you have to take it in the Ass to get where you want.  After all my enthusiasm and drive and “follow your dreams” blah blah of the last month I am still not working anywhere as a bartender.

I have put out resume after resume and gone to a few open call interviews and still… Nothing.  I have had a couple of decent interviews.  The interviewees smile and seem to like my answers.  These aren’t fake smiles, they are genuine.  I have had some promising experiences, but I have had nothing bite yet.

The crow was wrong.  Maybe the crow wasn’t wrong at all.  Crows like people to think they’re “tricky” and “mysterious”.  The crow was maybe trying to tell me, “Hey, this place would be cool to stay at.” Or maybe it was just hanging out and I perceived, in my somewhat witchdoctor mind, that there was some meaning to that experience in “Follow the Crow”, when there was none.  Or maybe it was just there to make me feel like this is some sort of spiritual journey in my life.

This is how I approach it too.  I emailed, then called, then finally emailed once again yesterday and got a response I have gotten from around 3 different places recently.  All a little different but saying the same thing;

“Good Morning Ronald:

Thank you for your follow up email.  At this time we did the selection on the Filinis Restaurant Bartender position and your resume will be in our recruiting file for one year in case we need more Bartenders in the near future.

Once again, Thank you for your interest to be part of your team.”

And when I get these, now, I feel the desire to respond.  For the places that sent me the “thanks but no thanks” responses without so much as interviewing me I had a response asking them how they came to that conclusion without actually meeting me or interviewing me; that their advice would be helpful to my job search.  If course I knew they wouldn’t response but it was a fun mail to send.

But in this case, Filini was nice enough to interview me.  So I was nicer in telling them their apparent mistake 😉

“Great.  If, once you open the doors, you feel your team of bartenders is missing that certain Flair or Spark that misses the mark of extraordinary, please look me up.  I feel like you may not know what you’re missing 😉 …”

Cheers.

Ronnie.”

HR actually did response thanking me again and wishing me good luck.  Still, as far as my bartender search goes I have a little voice inside my head that says, “Go for it.  You can still do it.  Push forward and don’t give up.”  That voice was almost gone a couple of days ago.  Here’s why…

A funny thing happened when I was driving around looking for work.  I think I mentioned it in my last post.  A company in real estate hand picked me to come interview with them.  I didn’t even apply for the position.  They were watching me.  At the interview I told the guy, “Give me a week and I’ll let you know.”  That week was as of today.  As of yesterday morning I was going to just put the bartending search on hiatus for a while and go work for the leasing place.  I didn’t want to but I am broke-broke.  I am scraping bottom.  It’s no good.  But I hear all these stories that keep popping into my head.  The Tony Robbins story of Sylvester Stallone, the Robert Kiyosaki story about how he and his wife were almost out of money and had just enough money for some Chicken from KFC and then their shit clicked in the very next day.

My mom sent me a book.  Now if you know my mom, which you don’t, she is a Religious person.  She loves God both fanatically and dangerously at times, it seems.  I think she’s a little on the witch side but that’s just me.  She can be both a good inspiration and a demon one moment to the next.  Can’t we all 😉  So she sent me a book by this guy she has been trying to throw at me.  “The Mentor’s Manna” by Mike Murdoch who I am sure is some guy she saw advertised on the Jesus Channel.  All it told me was stuff that influenced me to follow my dreams and stick to the goal.   It basically backed up what I have been writing about and thinking all along.  Follow your dreams.  Follow your Assignment.  It even had a little story in there about Elijah and the crows.

God told Elijah, “Get thee hence and turn ye eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.  And it shall be that thou shalt drink of the brook and I have commanded the Ravens to feed you there.  He went there and the Ravens were there. (1 Kings 17: 3,4)

Then there were other parts about waiting, and diligence and that things can dramatically change in as little as 24 hours.

But the ravens haven’t fed me yet, and yet  I am still doing ok.  Not great but ok.  But it’s ok to be ok.  I have food, a place to stay, and gas to get around a little.  I have Chicago.  But I want to make this break or get some money coming in.  There are dates to be had and things to do.  So even after that very inspirational book (and that’s good considering that I’m not usually big into all the Jesus channel type stuff.  The book just happened to feed my own internal message) I was about to go today and talk to the man about that leasing position – the easy way out.

But then two things happened yesterday that changed my mind back to focus.

  1.  I got a random call from a guy who saw my resume at this place I left it.  He wasn’t looking to hire me, but he was looking to sell me a space for a bar.  During the conversation when I told him what I was doing and how the search was going he said, “ya but don’t give up.”  It was just so randomly not random.  It was like the universe or whatever was trying to head me off at the pass and keep me focused on my goal.
  2. A buddy of mine who seems somewhat successful ($80k a year), who knows I am broke as hell, was chilling with me yesterday.  I mentioned, “ya.  I guess I’m gonna have to just take the leasing job and put the Bartender search on temporary hold.”  His response was, “No..  Don’t do that.  Then you’ll probably hate your job and hate your life and that’s not gonna do you any good.”

There were more things.  Facing your fears by Ozzie, and my own post I posted on a Chicago group for men’s empowerment.  The article was about dating and getting laid in general (go figure 😉 ) but it had the same message.  Don’t let your mind trick you into settling for a goal that is not really your true goal.  Maybe I’ll post it here so you can get the point, because really, it can be applied to anything.  OR maybe I’ll re-write it to be more broad and general.

I think that would lose its essence if I changed it, though.  If you read the article I wrote and were thinking about Goals and Aspirations in your own life, the same logic would apply.  I have gotten great responses from that post in a short period of time.

So today I was back at it.  I went to Brick’s on Lincoln Ave.  They were doing an open call for bartenders for a 4a.m. bar.  It seemed to go well but I didn’t get a, “ya, we would like to have you.”  Just the same, “We’re going over all the applicants and letting everyone know later on.”  The same went for the first place I went to on Lincoln.  The lady loved me who interviewed me.  She was smiling and laughing as soon as I walked in the door and she seemed to really like what I had to say, “…but my husband, who is doing the interviews, is tied up for the next couple of hours and won’t be talking to anyone else today.”

The bastard was there and literally did 1 last interview before I walked in the door.  I saw him talk to some busser or cook or something and then he skirted out when I was next in line.  So either he was for real and had shit to do, or he ducked me.  But look, I’m a well dressed guy.  I look good.  I have confidence and charm so it makes no sense that he would duck me just like that.

So theres 2 more down.  This may be the longest it has taken me to find a bartender job ever.  I’m not sure because the trick is, you never remember the failures.  You only really remember the successes.  But there are so many of the “failures” right now I’m just like… Fuck.

But now as I write this I realize one thing.  I can’t give up.  I can’t fucking back down.  Now that I’m being rejected left and right, my resumes are going unanswered, and nothing seems to be happening, if I give up, I am turning my back on myself.  I could very well look back one day and say, “I gave up only after a month.”

But what’s good?  What do I have to be thankful for?  My blog is going steady.  People seem to like what I write.  My writing on other forums is going well too.  I can write and write and write and I love to do it, but it’s not paying the bills.  But It is something I am doing that I love.   I can write this whiny post here and someone will read it.  Maybe even someone will offer encouragement and enthusiasm.

I was just featured on H.E. Ellis’ blog in a SPAM post she did.  I will have to return the favor and write a post on her blog as well…  And I need to read some more “OPBs” (Other People’s Blogs) like hers and “Wondering Wanderer” who are frequent commenters on my budding blog.

PS – I am liking them here.  Those are both great blogs.  Go see them NOW…  Wait.  Finish this article first and then go check out their blogs!  DO IT!!!  I will link up at the bottom to their latest posts…

I really am too broke to take any new girls out but I am still playing.  I woke up today to a picture of breasts in my phone that a girl I met on OK Cupid sent to me.  I got another text from a woman I met recently.  She was walking to her car to get something from the bar she was in, near my apartment.  Sexy as hell, I thought, so I went for it and we hit it off pretty well.  Her text was a smart assed response to one I sent her the other day when she told me she was sick.  I feel like I might be getting a little sick myself so I sent her, “I feel like I might be getting sick.  I better not have caught a cold from one of your texts >:(“

She sent back, “Awwwwww.  I would make u soup, kiss your forehead, tuck your legs under the blanket, and lay next to you and watch a movie, but I don’t want to get sick again, get better brat ;)xo”

It was a little rub back from my text I sent her a couple days back that was almost Identical, “Aww poor baby.  In a perfect world I would come over, kiss you on your forehead, feed you honey and tea and chicken soup and then rub you all over your body until you forgot about your cold and started melting into your bed from relaxing so good.  But too bad because I don’t wanna  get sick 😉 Get better brat.”

Ha.  Playing.  But text is only text.  It’s still fun though.  And then I have experiences like the other night which are at once crazy and fun.  Cockblocks can actually, sometimes, be enjoyable, but I’ll get to that later in another post.

Oh, and I do have a day 2 set up with a gal I have been working on through text for about a month, who I met in a coffeeshop.  Thank God for $5 wine Wednesdays.  Shhhhhh!  Don’t tell.

Ok – I’m getting completely random here.  So back to the point.  I don’t have what I want, yet, but I do have some things I need.  And maybe writing this on the blog will help fuel me towards persevering and getting the damn job I deserve.

Related articles

Sidecar:

Steps to overcome fear – from Ozzie:

  1. It’s OK to be OK.
  2. Process over Perfection.
  3. Do it Poorly, but Get it Done.

What’s that mean?  Well sometimes the steps we take in life are hard, frightening and we want to give up or back down.  So these 3 mantras are meant to combat that.

Fear is caused by too much focus on the outcome.  We don’t want to fail.  We want to be the best.  We don’t want to be embarrassed.  We don’t want to do poorly so we just stall or give up on our goals.  If we take the mindset in these situations that “it’s ok to be ok”, it gives us permission to just say, “ok, fuck it.  I’ll just go do it and see what happens.”  Many times it can help us to follow through with those tough, frightening situations we wouldn’t have.  And if we are focused on “Process over Perfection” the same thing applies.  We say, “Ok.  This is about the Doing, not the result.”  That helps you combat the concept of not getting results and getting depressed and worn out.  It can also combat being too focused on the outcome because sometimes that can be a huge hindrance.  Sometimes when we are so focused on getting the results our performance actually takes a nose-dive.  So the point is to just focus on, as Krishna said in the Bhagavad Gita, “Action for the purpose of action.  Not for the fruits of those actions.:

Do it poorly but get it done is a great way to take on those tough challenges as well.  Your mind reels and said, “Fuck!  That’s scary.  It’s going to take a lot of work!  There is a HUGE chance of failure.  This sucks.  Ok well…  I think I’ll just sit here and fill myself with dread and fear and…  Oops.  There goes my opportunity.  The window just closed while I was sitting here frozen with indecision and fear.”

So if you just say to yourself, “do it poorly, but get it done.” You give yourself permission to go suck.  Sometimes that’s all you need.  Sometimes going in and sucking is better than not trying at all.  And the funny thing is, sometimes when you think you are going to suck, or you are even 100% sure you ARE sucking, amazing shit happens and you are rewarded.  Or maybe your fear fades and you are anti-suck!  Maybe when you thought you were going to suck you actually do fantastic!  All you needed was to let go of trying to be perfect, and allow yourself permission to fuck it up but at least try…

Sidecar II:

Can there be 2 sidecars?  If you are in a bar and on a date, the answer is yes.  And this is my blog so I’ll do what I want.  And besides, you need to hear this story:

Working Girl

TSOD (yes – I changed this. This sounds much cooler than ToTD.  Sod.  the t is silent ;):

You pick up this working girl,

Hooked on Smack.

Hustles and Scores,

“That’s all I do,” she says.

She says, “Ten bucks for head,

Fifteen for half and half.”

She says, “Three hits a day at thirty-five per…”

You say, “That’s seven tricks a day at least.”

She says, “Sometimes I might get lucky.

Once this guy gives me a bill and a half just to eat me.

Only time I ever came.”

You figure you can save her.

You sell your color TV that keeps her off the street a whole day.

You hock your typewriter for one Job.

Then your shotgun,

Your Watch.

A week later you say,

“Listen.  I’m a little short.”

But she says, “No scratch, no snatch.”

You say, “Look it is better to give…”

But she says,

“Beat off, Creep.”

One night they spot you on the street

in your skivvies

trying to sell your shoes.

You tell them who you are

but they nail you.

Then she happens by and she says,

“Christ you look fucked.”

She says,

“Hang Tough!”

But you don’t say anything.

You just think,

“What a bum rap for a nice, sensitive guy like me.”