A Tale of Two Choices

Tsod off!

Butthurt.  That’s the word of today.  Sometimes you have to take it in the Ass to get where you want.  After all my enthusiasm and drive and “follow your dreams” blah blah of the last month I am still not working anywhere as a bartender.

I have put out resume after resume and gone to a few open call interviews and still… Nothing.  I have had a couple of decent interviews.  The interviewees smile and seem to like my answers.  These aren’t fake smiles, they are genuine.  I have had some promising experiences, but I have had nothing bite yet.

The crow was wrong.  Maybe the crow wasn’t wrong at all.  Crows like people to think they’re “tricky” and “mysterious”.  The crow was maybe trying to tell me, “Hey, this place would be cool to stay at.” Or maybe it was just hanging out and I perceived, in my somewhat witchdoctor mind, that there was some meaning to that experience in “Follow the Crow”, when there was none.  Or maybe it was just there to make me feel like this is some sort of spiritual journey in my life.

This is how I approach it too.  I emailed, then called, then finally emailed once again yesterday and got a response I have gotten from around 3 different places recently.  All a little different but saying the same thing;

“Good Morning Ronald:

Thank you for your follow up email.  At this time we did the selection on the Filinis Restaurant Bartender position and your resume will be in our recruiting file for one year in case we need more Bartenders in the near future.

Once again, Thank you for your interest to be part of your team.”

And when I get these, now, I feel the desire to respond.  For the places that sent me the “thanks but no thanks” responses without so much as interviewing me I had a response asking them how they came to that conclusion without actually meeting me or interviewing me; that their advice would be helpful to my job search.  If course I knew they wouldn’t response but it was a fun mail to send.

But in this case, Filini was nice enough to interview me.  So I was nicer in telling them their apparent mistake 😉

“Great.  If, once you open the doors, you feel your team of bartenders is missing that certain Flair or Spark that misses the mark of extraordinary, please look me up.  I feel like you may not know what you’re missing 😉 …”



HR actually did response thanking me again and wishing me good luck.  Still, as far as my bartender search goes I have a little voice inside my head that says, “Go for it.  You can still do it.  Push forward and don’t give up.”  That voice was almost gone a couple of days ago.  Here’s why…

A funny thing happened when I was driving around looking for work.  I think I mentioned it in my last post.  A company in real estate hand picked me to come interview with them.  I didn’t even apply for the position.  They were watching me.  At the interview I told the guy, “Give me a week and I’ll let you know.”  That week was as of today.  As of yesterday morning I was going to just put the bartending search on hiatus for a while and go work for the leasing place.  I didn’t want to but I am broke-broke.  I am scraping bottom.  It’s no good.  But I hear all these stories that keep popping into my head.  The Tony Robbins story of Sylvester Stallone, the Robert Kiyosaki story about how he and his wife were almost out of money and had just enough money for some Chicken from KFC and then their shit clicked in the very next day.

My mom sent me a book.  Now if you know my mom, which you don’t, she is a Religious person.  She loves God both fanatically and dangerously at times, it seems.  I think she’s a little on the witch side but that’s just me.  She can be both a good inspiration and a demon one moment to the next.  Can’t we all 😉  So she sent me a book by this guy she has been trying to throw at me.  “The Mentor’s Manna” by Mike Murdoch who I am sure is some guy she saw advertised on the Jesus Channel.  All it told me was stuff that influenced me to follow my dreams and stick to the goal.   It basically backed up what I have been writing about and thinking all along.  Follow your dreams.  Follow your Assignment.  It even had a little story in there about Elijah and the crows.

God told Elijah, “Get thee hence and turn ye eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.  And it shall be that thou shalt drink of the brook and I have commanded the Ravens to feed you there.  He went there and the Ravens were there. (1 Kings 17: 3,4)

Then there were other parts about waiting, and diligence and that things can dramatically change in as little as 24 hours.

But the ravens haven’t fed me yet, and yet  I am still doing ok.  Not great but ok.  But it’s ok to be ok.  I have food, a place to stay, and gas to get around a little.  I have Chicago.  But I want to make this break or get some money coming in.  There are dates to be had and things to do.  So even after that very inspirational book (and that’s good considering that I’m not usually big into all the Jesus channel type stuff.  The book just happened to feed my own internal message) I was about to go today and talk to the man about that leasing position – the easy way out.

But then two things happened yesterday that changed my mind back to focus.

  1.  I got a random call from a guy who saw my resume at this place I left it.  He wasn’t looking to hire me, but he was looking to sell me a space for a bar.  During the conversation when I told him what I was doing and how the search was going he said, “ya but don’t give up.”  It was just so randomly not random.  It was like the universe or whatever was trying to head me off at the pass and keep me focused on my goal.
  2. A buddy of mine who seems somewhat successful ($80k a year), who knows I am broke as hell, was chilling with me yesterday.  I mentioned, “ya.  I guess I’m gonna have to just take the leasing job and put the Bartender search on temporary hold.”  His response was, “No..  Don’t do that.  Then you’ll probably hate your job and hate your life and that’s not gonna do you any good.”

There were more things.  Facing your fears by Ozzie, and my own post I posted on a Chicago group for men’s empowerment.  The article was about dating and getting laid in general (go figure 😉 ) but it had the same message.  Don’t let your mind trick you into settling for a goal that is not really your true goal.  Maybe I’ll post it here so you can get the point, because really, it can be applied to anything.  OR maybe I’ll re-write it to be more broad and general.

I think that would lose its essence if I changed it, though.  If you read the article I wrote and were thinking about Goals and Aspirations in your own life, the same logic would apply.  I have gotten great responses from that post in a short period of time.

So today I was back at it.  I went to Brick’s on Lincoln Ave.  They were doing an open call for bartenders for a 4a.m. bar.  It seemed to go well but I didn’t get a, “ya, we would like to have you.”  Just the same, “We’re going over all the applicants and letting everyone know later on.”  The same went for the first place I went to on Lincoln.  The lady loved me who interviewed me.  She was smiling and laughing as soon as I walked in the door and she seemed to really like what I had to say, “…but my husband, who is doing the interviews, is tied up for the next couple of hours and won’t be talking to anyone else today.”

The bastard was there and literally did 1 last interview before I walked in the door.  I saw him talk to some busser or cook or something and then he skirted out when I was next in line.  So either he was for real and had shit to do, or he ducked me.  But look, I’m a well dressed guy.  I look good.  I have confidence and charm so it makes no sense that he would duck me just like that.

So theres 2 more down.  This may be the longest it has taken me to find a bartender job ever.  I’m not sure because the trick is, you never remember the failures.  You only really remember the successes.  But there are so many of the “failures” right now I’m just like… Fuck.

But now as I write this I realize one thing.  I can’t give up.  I can’t fucking back down.  Now that I’m being rejected left and right, my resumes are going unanswered, and nothing seems to be happening, if I give up, I am turning my back on myself.  I could very well look back one day and say, “I gave up only after a month.”

But what’s good?  What do I have to be thankful for?  My blog is going steady.  People seem to like what I write.  My writing on other forums is going well too.  I can write and write and write and I love to do it, but it’s not paying the bills.  But It is something I am doing that I love.   I can write this whiny post here and someone will read it.  Maybe even someone will offer encouragement and enthusiasm.

I was just featured on H.E. Ellis’ blog in a SPAM post she did.  I will have to return the favor and write a post on her blog as well…  And I need to read some more “OPBs” (Other People’s Blogs) like hers and “Wondering Wanderer” who are frequent commenters on my budding blog.

PS – I am liking them here.  Those are both great blogs.  Go see them NOW…  Wait.  Finish this article first and then go check out their blogs!  DO IT!!!  I will link up at the bottom to their latest posts…

I really am too broke to take any new girls out but I am still playing.  I woke up today to a picture of breasts in my phone that a girl I met on OK Cupid sent to me.  I got another text from a woman I met recently.  She was walking to her car to get something from the bar she was in, near my apartment.  Sexy as hell, I thought, so I went for it and we hit it off pretty well.  Her text was a smart assed response to one I sent her the other day when she told me she was sick.  I feel like I might be getting a little sick myself so I sent her, “I feel like I might be getting sick.  I better not have caught a cold from one of your texts >:(“

She sent back, “Awwwwww.  I would make u soup, kiss your forehead, tuck your legs under the blanket, and lay next to you and watch a movie, but I don’t want to get sick again, get better brat ;)xo”

It was a little rub back from my text I sent her a couple days back that was almost Identical, “Aww poor baby.  In a perfect world I would come over, kiss you on your forehead, feed you honey and tea and chicken soup and then rub you all over your body until you forgot about your cold and started melting into your bed from relaxing so good.  But too bad because I don’t wanna  get sick 😉 Get better brat.”

Ha.  Playing.  But text is only text.  It’s still fun though.  And then I have experiences like the other night which are at once crazy and fun.  Cockblocks can actually, sometimes, be enjoyable, but I’ll get to that later in another post.

Oh, and I do have a day 2 set up with a gal I have been working on through text for about a month, who I met in a coffeeshop.  Thank God for $5 wine Wednesdays.  Shhhhhh!  Don’t tell.

Ok – I’m getting completely random here.  So back to the point.  I don’t have what I want, yet, but I do have some things I need.  And maybe writing this on the blog will help fuel me towards persevering and getting the damn job I deserve.

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Steps to overcome fear – from Ozzie:

  1. It’s OK to be OK.
  2. Process over Perfection.
  3. Do it Poorly, but Get it Done.

What’s that mean?  Well sometimes the steps we take in life are hard, frightening and we want to give up or back down.  So these 3 mantras are meant to combat that.

Fear is caused by too much focus on the outcome.  We don’t want to fail.  We want to be the best.  We don’t want to be embarrassed.  We don’t want to do poorly so we just stall or give up on our goals.  If we take the mindset in these situations that “it’s ok to be ok”, it gives us permission to just say, “ok, fuck it.  I’ll just go do it and see what happens.”  Many times it can help us to follow through with those tough, frightening situations we wouldn’t have.  And if we are focused on “Process over Perfection” the same thing applies.  We say, “Ok.  This is about the Doing, not the result.”  That helps you combat the concept of not getting results and getting depressed and worn out.  It can also combat being too focused on the outcome because sometimes that can be a huge hindrance.  Sometimes when we are so focused on getting the results our performance actually takes a nose-dive.  So the point is to just focus on, as Krishna said in the Bhagavad Gita, “Action for the purpose of action.  Not for the fruits of those actions.:

Do it poorly but get it done is a great way to take on those tough challenges as well.  Your mind reels and said, “Fuck!  That’s scary.  It’s going to take a lot of work!  There is a HUGE chance of failure.  This sucks.  Ok well…  I think I’ll just sit here and fill myself with dread and fear and…  Oops.  There goes my opportunity.  The window just closed while I was sitting here frozen with indecision and fear.”

So if you just say to yourself, “do it poorly, but get it done.” You give yourself permission to go suck.  Sometimes that’s all you need.  Sometimes going in and sucking is better than not trying at all.  And the funny thing is, sometimes when you think you are going to suck, or you are even 100% sure you ARE sucking, amazing shit happens and you are rewarded.  Or maybe your fear fades and you are anti-suck!  Maybe when you thought you were going to suck you actually do fantastic!  All you needed was to let go of trying to be perfect, and allow yourself permission to fuck it up but at least try…

Sidecar II:

Can there be 2 sidecars?  If you are in a bar and on a date, the answer is yes.  And this is my blog so I’ll do what I want.  And besides, you need to hear this story:


2 responses to “A Tale of Two Choices

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