Texting a No Into a Yes – The Rockabilly Girl

Tsod:

Doin my little online dating thing.  It’s cold in Chicago, going out to meet people and freezing my ass off is not as enjoyable as I would like.  So we, of course, turn to the online dating thing.  This is a girl I met recently and took it from online to text.

Last night we had been texting back and forth a little.  I will spare you the details of that, unless you wanna ask me of course and I will be happy to elaborate, but in this case I just wanted to sort of go through the concept of what most people might view as a rejection, where in my case I look at is as an opportunity to practice reframing.  http://changingminds.org/techniques/general/reframing.htm  I DO so love reframing when I can pull it off.   But this, like anything else, has to be used sparingly.  One time I was with a particularly wine emboldened date with a chick who got more and more sassy and mean the more we drank and so I was reframing a lot of the shit she was throwing my way, finally she got even more mad and said, “Alright!  You have mind fucked me in and out and sideways by now.  I bet the ladies just throw their panties at you.”  Alas, it was her way of saying, “not mine”.

But in this case below, you can see how it works.  I do so love me the art of the reframe.

Me (from last night):  Truthfully, my new bartending gig doesn’t even start till the 9th and I’m kind of a broke joke till then.  Sooo goin out to far away lands kinda has to way.  But we could always do something next week more low pro.  But no worries.  I know the perfect adventure spot

(today I woke up to find in my text box) Rockabilly: I’m sure you’re a great guy but I don’t date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another

Me:  Good. 🙂 So now we can just chill and be 2 normal people without all the pressure of dating and all that blah blah. . .

Rockabilly: Maybe

Me:  Dating is an ugly word.  It puts two people in these super defined roles and presupposes  how they’re supposed to act around and towards each other.  I don’t know about you but I like to think of myself as a dynamic individual who can really chill and live life in the moment, even with someone else and take advantage of each moment as life presents it to me.  And I don’t feel putting labels and limits on the moments I share with others is really appreciating those moments.

Me:  I’ll send you a text example of how the label “dating” can really fuck with someone who otherwise might really enjoy themself without it:  FWD:  Im sure you’re a great guy but I dont date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another

Rockabilly: Haha you are so funny.  And bartender isnt a label it’s a factual  assessment of your current employment situation.  See also “broke joke”

Me:  Haha.  I don’t work at shitty places.  I can’t really make a ton of scratch if the place I work at isn’t doing their grandopening for 2 more weeks, now can I? 😉  And ya.  You are using bartender as a label. 🙂  You’re looking at me through the label  of experiences and people that are NOT me, without fairly affording me he courtesy of being a Real Live Person, an Individual.

Rockabilly: I’m not concerned with the places you work at, that’s your affair.  I have a special affinity for dive bars and “shitty” places

Me:  Ya me too.  I have a special affinity for the divey places with kick ass selections on the juke box.  But places that hire me always end up being pretty schmancy.  It’s kinda weird.  I’ll explain in person but too much to text.

Rockabilly:  So prove me wrong since you’re such an enlightened individual

Me:  Proving you wrong may not be in the cards.  Only you can make that decision despite my best efforts to prove anything to do.  But I will be Happy to meet with you and hash this out toe to toe over some drinks at the local dive.  Familiar with the LL bar? 🙂

Rockabilly:  I have not heard of it

Me: By the way.  If you want to label me s something, you could always label me as a writer, which I am.  That is my other passion

Rockabilly:  Bully for you

Me:  So the question remains.  When is my little Rockabilly, rollerDerby girl free to come meet up?  Starting next week I train every day until like 9 or 10. .

Rockabilly:  I have a little free time next monday and tuesday nite but not enough time to get all the way to belmont

Me:  I could always come pick you up and we could drive around and drink in my car.  Like highschool ! 😉

Rockabilly:  Haha you had a vastly different highschool career than I, also my momma taught me not to take rides from strangers

Me:  I’m HARDLY a stranger.  We met online.  Totally safe 🙂

Me:  I’ll make sure to bring a bag of candy

Rockabilly:  Ohgreat could you also ask me to help you find your lost dog?

Rockabilly:  Its not a dive bar but its right off the blue line, the kinderhook tap, they have a great selection of craft beers

Me:  Done deal.  When . . Next wk?

Rockabilly:  Yep. im free tuesday night or friday next week

There was a bit more logistical texting about specifics but there you have it.  That’s how I do.  This is actually pretty tame.  Given time I have been known to take rejections all the way to her showing up at my apartment with the major likelyhood of having sex, and then having it of course.  See “Fourty,Fit, and Phenomenally Sexy” below (related articles) for a link up.

Thoughts, questions, comments and reviews are totally encouraged as usual.  I’m starting to send out checks to the top commenters on my blog.  They should be in the mail this Friday.  I gotta go say hit to this sexy retro chick so I can’t post anymore… Until Next Time.

Sidecar:

Don’t be a shitty bartender! 

I just posted this yelp review a few days ago and I figure I’d link it up to here.  What’s the difference between two bars with an equally kick ass beer selection?

Service.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-map-room-chicago#hrid:BdhQOuM7DNXfATtiZdckwg

Enjoi

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71 responses to “Texting a No Into a Yes – The Rockabilly Girl

  1. hahahaha!!!! That was GOOD! No shit. That was GOOD. You had her 1/2 way through, hell moreso in the beginning because she kept responding regardless of her saying you were a bartender. She was just testing you… nicely played.

    Now! If you will excuse me! I have to go read the reframing link. I LOVE that stuff… care to reframe?

    • My texting and phone was SHIT for the longest time. But that’s because for a while I was afraid to blow it, and then after a while of that I would push the envelope and blow it.

      Now I’m pretty damn good. I just have to remember that all the blah blah isn’t worth beans unless you remember the key ingredient – Logistics.

      • Logistics? (insert inquisitive expression)

        I can see that you’re good at it. This I so have to hear the follow up on. If you’re so inclined. Nice to meet you, by the way.

        • Oh sorry. Logistics.

          Ok so Logistics is, where are we meeting? When are we meeting? How are we going to make it happen?

          People can get lost in the void that is, phone or text communication. One of my weakness at times has been too much texting and not enough Logistics. As you can see I like to write. But if I write all this snazzy cool stuff and don’t get logistics in there things usually just fizzle over time.

          • I can see that. Well texting is kind of like the lazy way to connect. Fills a void, but doesn’t quite scratch the itch. Definitely need logistics… Sure, it’d fizzle cuz there’s no action on anyone’s part so it becomes, boring really.

  2. ooooh I love reframing! bye! have to finish reading it… got more stuff? Links… stuff like this? I”m a psychology communication junkie. I admit it. I once joined PA (psychology anonymous) but I fell off the wagon.

    • Haha- If you wanna fricken Course on it, there is a book written called:

      Mindlines

      http://www.amazon.com/Mind-lines-Changing-L-Michael-Hall/dp/1890001155

      But I learned a lot of this stuff from another catfish called Ross Jeffries who learned it from Richard Bandler and John Grinder who learned it from Milton Erickson.

      If you google any of those names you will find a shitload.

      Better yet, if you google “reframing” you will have a ton to work with as well.

      Better better yet you can just google “neuro linguistic programming” and have a whole world of craziness opened up to you. Now, I haven’t gotten into this stuff in the sense where I know how to hypnotize people like some of these cats, but even a smattering of this stuff is totally valuable for social, business or whatever else you need to do to communicate with another individual.

      • NLP! Oh yah… Oh hell yes! Anthony Robbins stuff, Bandler/ Grinder. oooh you go boi! WOOF! As a man thinketh, A fellow blogger sent me an ebook on mindfucking, which you reminded me of today, thank you I forgot I have to finish that.

        This ain’t crazy this is pure bliss honey. I love this stuff. I have stuff in my computer about NLP PDF things and other items that I got googling and from free sites, I’ve got Anthony Robbins stuff…

        OH you want a good book! Crucial Conversations… vitalsmarts.com. You think you’re good now? (you are good) that book is excellent. Course, I do have to review it myself because expertise fades sometimes I need refresher courses.

        Yes. I am blissfully happy right now. I love this stuff.

        You’re absolutely right. I’m a Google person. (dugh)

        • That’s cuz he’s grumpy. If he would have embraced all the new stuff instead of fighting against it and bitching about everyone, he would have been pushed up to the top of the heap.

          Last I heard El Topo digs RJs stuff. But if you listen, El Topo uses a lot of NLP in his stuff. Totally

          • Lmao ok that explains it.I always wondered why RJ’s hated.He literally could’ve been the godfather of pick up.

            I haven’t checked out el topo’s stuff in a minute.His blog is called the redmole but I don’t know if it’s updated.

    • Thanks. It was just a matter of finding out what I was working with. Destroying labels first and then stepping out of the frame of bartender she was trying to put on me.

      Funny thing is my profile online says the following words…

      “Do not message me if you are a stripper, bartender, waitress, aspiring actress, Scorpio, or if you have implants….it never works.”

      I guess I have a double standard… 😉

        • I have no idea what’s wrong with Scorpios 😉

          The line is there so girls might message me and ask, “Oh, come on now, what’s wrong with Scorpios?!?!”

          😉

          My profile is built for fun, I don’t think you can really get to know someone “in the dating sense” from a profile so my profile is just ridiculous.

          • Haha – well, I suppose I fell for it, then 😉 I agree, it’s impossible to get to know someone from a profile, but they’re fun to read just the same! But for the record, Scorpios are absolutely fantastic 🙂

          • My Older Brother is a Scorpio. . . We used to get in bloody fist fights growing up. But these days, we get along for the most part.

            Dunno that I ever dated a scorpio gal, yet though…

          • All the dating you do, and you’ve not come across a Scorpio yet? Difficult to believe, my dear… We’re a passionate bunch, so I can see how fist fights with brothers would be a problem… But redirect that passion and intensity, and it can be pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself 😉

          • Apparently Scorpio women love reading my blog… 🙂

            I’m sure there’s a scorpio in there somewhere but I don’t think I’ve asked every girl I’ve ever played with their sign.

            I do now, though, for some reason…

            I will have to learn to Redirect that Passion deeply, so that passion can penetrate deep into the relationship, intensely, creating an opening that passion can explode into…

            Ok sorry, sometimes I just get carried away… 😉

          • Not sure what Mystery Coach is but yeah, the other two…she and I – well now that I know she’s a scorpio too – that explains what she’s doing here! 🙂

            I’m sorry, you said something….all I caught was, deeply, penetrate, intensely, and explode….

          • Hey Maple! I’m a Gemini… entertain me. LOL I like to play.

            No, not in that I’m a princess way either, Tiara’s mess my hair up. (snicker)
            I have rarely, no offense to the Scorpio ladies of the group, gotten along with a Scorpio male or a Capricorn or a Pieces, really either.

            I used to think signs where a bunch of whooey but then the way I got along with a Scorpio and I got along fine with everyone else, there was just too undeniable of a friction and not in the good way either.

            After a while, you start to give the whole idea merit because it’s like “right there” in your face that there is no way, you’re getting along with this person.

            LOL Me and a Gemini guy have to keep one another focused long enough to pay attention. Which is only fun for a little while. Which is really interesting all by itself. Only dated one, so that’s not the best example, but it is funny how certain signs do and/or do not get along.

          • I stick within a 90 mile radius – I have a car with horrible gas mileage…. 😉
            But I seem to draw visitors in from all over this globe…
            There’s a guy in Australia who is convinced we’re soul mates~

          • Hahaha – was just on the phone earlier with the girl from Fit, Fourty and Phenom…. She was telling me she has this dude who talked to her for like 3 years, just messaging back and forth and she said he lived somewhere else and she never had an intention of actually meeting him; that if they met in person now, she would feel weird.

          • Oh I’ve had my chat buddies indeed! Safety in miles so to speak…. This girl loves the words and if you can keep up with my communication needs, my sexual innuendo, my double entendre, and you have good pictures up…
            Shit I practically wrote an erotic novel with one guy! He still loves to say “hi”…..

      • @ emdashwood – Ya, I tend to do that from time to time… 😉 So what hood in Chicago do you dwell in?

        @ 35maplestreet – Sometimes these thoughts and Ideas just come flooding through you; kinda like it’s been building up inside me for weeks and I just can’t control myself. 😉 PS – I lied. Contrary to popular belief I am really a Libra . . .

        @ mysterycoach – Libras get along with every sign. Gotta be careful of you Gemini’s though. Nothing but trouble…

        • HAHAHA! Wait, wait… hold on a second. (I’ve hadda glass of wine and some time to myself, I have a 14 year old daughter who is at a basket ball game at the moment.) hahahaha! Holee shit! No you didn’t!

          Sniff, sniff… do I smell a label? “Gemini’s. Nothing but trouble.”

          Damn. This is time for that reframing stuff. I didn’t finish reading it.

          wait … hahahahaha! Every time I read that, I just crack up! I’ll be back in a second. That is TOO funny.

          • Okay. I’m back… due to the wine, I have nothing to say because I’m still too busy laughing my ass off.

            Help a girl out… what would you say to me if I said that to you? 🙂

          • You are funny! I had a thought. Ready? (snicker) I came up with some comments, live is much better to address things and this is all intended to be funny, okay? Okay…You said:

            “Gotta be careful of you Gemini’s though. Nothing but trouble…”

            Here are a few projected responses, ready?

            1. oooooh, noooooo, what makes you say that? We’re not trouble… we’re nice people, reeeeeeeeeallly… (insert doe eyed expression here)

            2. (Say the following in a sultry voice while said female rubs herself all over you, no, not me. LOL :)) I’ll show you trouble hunee… come here. (snicker)

            3. (defensive) Trouble? So, what are you saying? Gemini’s are all bitches and you can’t deal with an assertive woman?

            4. (insert inquisitive expression) Trouble? How so?

            Oh hell, lets answer the other one too…

            1. I am a good gurl… don’t you like me? 🙂

            That’s all I have on that one. 🙂 LOL … you are too funny.

          • I’m drinking wine now too… But it’s cheating to come up with responses on the computer cuz we have all the time in the world to come up with them.

            In LIVE time you gotta be quick, which I can be.

            That being said, all 4 of these responses sound like they’re coming from different girls. Response 4 doesn’t count. No girl ever says, “Trouble? How So?”

            Give me a few minutes and I’ll write out the responses doing my best not to think.

          • I know live is better because you have spontaneity. Although as to number 4, that is actually something I would say because I love hearing how people think these things and how they came to that conclusion in some way. Know what I mean? The other ones were things I would definitely not say.

            I know you’re quick, I’ve read the post above. 🙂

            I know! It’s so hard not to “think” … I hear you!

          • That’s so funny to me, because I swear that response #4 is EXACTLY what I would have said! Along with the doe eyed expression of response #1, of course! “How so?” is something I say frequently!

          • Seems we’ve run out of replies – but in response to your question about “games”… It’s not a game – I use “how so” to get a guy to elaborate on a thought or idea. I’m huge on good conversation… sometimes the responses from a guy aren’t enough to keep my interest piqued, so I use a “how so” to see if they really have any meat behind what they’re saying / thinking. The doe eyed expression just comes naturally… I mean really, I’ve been using that since I was a kid and wanted an extra push on the playground swing 🙂

          • @ emdash: I use the curious expression which is almost the same as doe eyed because we make comments all the time. Ronnie likes a play on words and he’s good at it which is why it was so funny when he wrote the initial comment.

            I had to reply down here the thread up there ran out of “reply” space.

        • I’m about an hour from Chicago, not actually *in* Chicago. I’ve dated a few guys from the windy city, though. A couple good, a couple oddballs, pretty typical mix 😉

        • Wait for me – you all are having a convo without me…. what a day at work, I’m beat! Got my malbec….ate a great dinner….now on to today’s comments….

          Okay so my first gut response was Libra but then I thought no, he’s not really using a name like Ronnie Libra – like Libra LIBRA…but he is! Hmmmmmm…..

          Thoughts come flooding through me all the god damn day long Ronnie…. the worst is in the shower – I need a fucking waterproof tape recorder to get them down! Sometimes I have to leap out of the hot and steamy shower, covered in soapy bubbles and write them down before they wash down the drain with my suds!

          • All I pictured was naked girl covered is soap bubbles in the shower. With the shower head pressed to her in different spots. You know, with the heat of that water penetrating deep into her muscles.

            Oh and of course all those thoughts that come flooding through you. Kinda the type of thing that can make you come over and over and over again to the conclusion that a relaxing shower is where it’s really at, after a long hard day at the office.

          • Wow – that was a seriously well crafted reply. I’m impressed! A man who knows the effect of language and well chosen words is fairly unusual 🙂

          • Words……. Descriptors……
            I ❤ me some adjectives….see, hot and steamy, soapy bubbles….that got your attention…
            …which immediately took your mind for a sex walk and off into intense orgasms in the confines of one's shower…..
            …or wait maybe you just thought I was describing some really, really, really solid thoughts….

          • @ 35 Maple. it’s the water that gives you the good ideas and you’re not distracted by everything else. I have great ideas/thoughts in the shower too. But not like the one’s Ronnie pictures.

          • @MC – oh my best ideas come to me in the shower! I could fix the world’s problems if I had enough hot water and five shower heads pointing here there and everywhere.

  3. You guys make this difficult 😉

    I don’t have an internet connection at home. HOWEVAH! I will reply to each person accordingly. 😉

    I would have already had my responses to mystery coach but my buddy and I started flirting with two cute gals at the Whole Foods…

    • “Howevah” – oh he’s gonna talk like a New England boy…..

      I need to start hanging out at Whole Foods more – damn…that might be where I truly take out the avocado display while simultaneously tapping the heel of the scruffy and oh so sexy man in front of me…. we laugh and share a bottle of wine…. RIGHT THERE!

  4. Alright that settles it, after reading em’s and mc’s responses I’ve decided there’s only one true way to settle this. I need to meet you guys out somewhere and call you both trouble. That’s it.

    We can surmise all day about this and that, but unless we do it live there’s no way to know for sure. Looks like we have to meet. 😉

    • Well then, let me just publish my phone number real quick on the interwebs and you can give me a call to arrange this meeting 😉 There’s no doubt that I’m trouble – that’s a given – the “how so?” response is to find out what sort of trouble you’re imagining 😉

  5. 1. oooooh, noooooo, what makes you say that? We’re not trouble… we’re nice people, reeeeeeeeeallly… (insert doe eyed expression here)

    Libra Response – That’s what I both love and hate about you. I bet you don’t even like sex. Like to you it’s this sticky and slimy thing that grosses you out. I feel like I might scare you guys away if I were to be myself.

    2. (Say the following in a sultry voice while said female rubs herself all over you, no, not me. LOL :)) I’ll show you trouble hunee… come here. (snicker)

    (Done deal. – No need to talk anymore, unless she’s a tease and then it’s not gonna go anywhere anyway.)

    3. (defensive) Trouble? So, what are you saying? Gemini’s are all bitches and you can’t deal with an assertive woman?

    Yes – (Big Smile) I love an assertive women, but I Love a woman who is confident enough to show her awesome and sweet side around me even more.

    4. (insert inquisitive expression) Trouble? How so?

    Oh hell, lets answer the other one too…

    1. I am a good gurl… don’t you like me? 🙂

    That’s what I both love and hate about you. I bet you don’t even like sex. Like to you it’s this sticky and slimy thing that grosses you out. I feel like I might scare you guys away if I were to be myself.

    These are off the cuff…

    If I had to answer number 4 it would be sort of the same answers for both #1s. I want her to feel like it’s ok to be a bad girl, even encourage it. I also want to filter her out. If she still sticks to good girl then there’s not much I can do, maybe she isn’t interested.

    Of course you girls are free to opinionize all of this… 😉

    • Love the “confident enough to show her sweet side” response, but the “sex is sticky and gross” response is a little much, I think. Why would you put the words sticky and gross in the same conversation as sex? And to imply that you would be anything other than “yourself” around us… well, I don’t think you want to show your cards quite so clearly 😉 I think your word choice could use some work on that one 😉 And the non-response (or “sorta the same as #1 cop-out) to #4 is… well… cheating, and perhaps borderline chicken, I think, since two of us clearly stated that is the response we would choose!

    • I almost forgot that the responses are designed to make her/him do what you or I want. Nice acceptance and rejection tactics. I must say. Say you like her/him, pull the rug out from under her/his feet.

      The last one is all like, “I bet you don’t even like sex” … which would what? LOL Have her say, ooooh no, I’ll show you, how could you say that about me? Her little mind starts ticking because, she doesn’t know the guy and the pull would be “why would he think that?” Most men/women want to be liked so that would up the chances she’d/he’d want to show the other person just how wrong they were about them.

      There’s that other one too where you can see which girl bites on an invitation. My friends brother-in-law tried that one at a BBQ on year on myself and another girl there. It was designed to make us compete for him, the whole “girl thing” where I want him blah, blah. I tried to warn the girl he was just playing her, she didn’t listen and about a year or so later they broke up because of all these games. I’m not sure she recovered yet. Which is a shame because she was/is a sweetheart.

  6. Generally I do not learn article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to try and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, very great post.

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