Haters Gonna Hate..

It’s funny, because just recently mylifetakethree had an incident where haters found her blog and started to infiltrate, spread their filth and bile and vitriol and crap on her comments section, and so she decided to lock the doors and move to another location.  I was like, that kinda sucks.  Don’t these cats have anything better to do?  Don’t they have their own lives to live?

Apparently not.

And now, it would seem, I have collected my own hater groupies who spend their life, time and energy thinking about me.  No really.  It’s kind of flattering by the way, if you think about it.  Someone else out there in the world, or maybe even a few other people, are using their energy, spending time coming to visit your blog, thinking about all the nasty things they can say, formulating attacks against you, and probably even spending a lot of time imagining in their heads what kind of reply you might make to their attempts to discredit or slander you.

They are, essentially, giving YOU their TIME.  They are giving you their energy.  They are spending moments of their life living it for YOU.  Kinda sad, yes, but it is real all the same.  And I think if it’s happening to you, you should do 2 things.

  1.  Avoid taking it personally.
  2. Be Flattered.

Of course Kat Williams said it best.  Haters want good shit, they don’t have good shit and so they want to hate you for having good shit.

There are other types of haters too, though.  Some people want to create a personality online.  They want people to think of them in some light.  They want a reputation.  They want to feed off other people.  They spend their time in the world of the internet, not really living a real life.  They are usually, at least as far as you or I can tell from reading what they write, experts in this, that or the other thing.  Just ask them, they’ll tell you.

But the thing is they are very protective of the presence they create online.  They full well realize that the world they created is smoke, mirrors and illusion, and that the slightest disruption of reality entering into their fantastic creation could ruin their reputation or discredit them in the eyes of others.  Once more, they do not like to think others are doing “better” than them.  Really, it is based on the fact that they aren’t really doing that good themselves and need seek out the refuge or fantasy, so they are quite vigilant against those who may be succeeding, or whom are attempting to succeed, in reality.

They, whether you know it or not, consider you competition.  They want you to fail.  They want to beat you.  They need to be better than you.  Regardless of whether you are aware, or even care, that they are having this competition with you is irrelevant.

So what am I rambling about?

I belong to a local community in Chicago where men talk about dating women.  I was given the responsibility early on of setting up talks and events for speakers in the dating world to come and give speeches or presentations.  I did my part.  I set up some great talks.

But more recently, since I have taken a short break from the dating scene (Lemmee explain.  Obviously you all know I am on a quest to get into the Bartending scene here in Chicago.  Many of you may know of my current hardships.  I have a huge support group of people giving me lotsa love at the moment, and one of them is an Indian friend of mine.  I always like to assume Indian dudes are pretty wise.   Maybe It’s from reading the Bhagavad Gita or Diamond Sutras or Golden Zephyr or whatever.  OR maybe it’s because I know so many of them that come from nothing and end up here making it and doing pretty well for themselves.  My buddies and I just had drinks Saturday Night at a new friend’s $2000 a month, highrise, 1 bedroom apartment that overlooks a very popular nightlife area of Chicago in Lincoln Park.  That tells me something.  But check it out.  So a different Indian friend says to me a few weeks ago, “No more sex for you.  No more dating.  No Girls!  I don’t want to hear about another dating, or this girl or that…  Your full time Job right now is to find employment until you are working and your finances are sorted out.”  He also told me he knew good things were coming my way and that, “Lady luck is on your side.”

I agreed with him,  I figure, what’s the point?  None of my recent girls are sticking around.  Maybe they can sense I’m jobless, or something.  Maybe they aren’t taking me seriously.  Maybe they are just using me for sex and fun because they can’t consider me as a serious beau.  Maybe they tell me, “You are really special, but I don’t see you as the relationship guy.”  And I understand.  I get it.  So I figured, OK.  And I decided to take a short hiatus from Seduction and Dating.).

However, one night while I was sort of meditating I had this idea.  It is not a very complex idea and is definitely a borrowed idea, but up until now no one has put this idea into action here in Chicago, or really anywhere else I’ve been. I decided to conduct sort of a Men’s dating Mastermind, Roundtable.  The purpose is to get guys together to talk about their experiences in dating with other guys of like mind.  Some of the guys are more experienced and some are less experienced.  I figure, over time, more and more of the guys will start to get more experience and share those experiences with the rest of the group.  The purpose it to learn and to teach so that guys can get out there into the battlefield that is dating, and have bigger and better successes, whatever their personal goals are.

So I did the first one a month ago…  And it was a success.  The guys in the room were all very enthusiastic, and immersed in the experience.  I could see it and feel it in the room.  Some great advice and experiences were shared.  Afterwards a few guys thanked me and told me they looked forward to the next one.  Since then I have had a few texts and messages from other guys asking me when the next one would be.

So I did the next logical thing, and decided to schedule another one (of course posting the event on the forum the same way I did the very first time.).  However, I checked with the person who’s place we would be holding the event at, and he informed me he was going to be out of town that weekend so I needed to reschedule, but my life took hold and I kept putting off rescheduling the event for about 2 or 3 weeks, and finally when I did get back on the forum to make the change what did I see?

There was about 2 or 3 guys who did not even attend the first event, who were hating.  They talked bad about the event itself, the name of it, the date it was on, the way I advertised it; they were even taking personal shots at me.

They were talking smack about me being a 38 year old man who wanted to be a bartender.  They took shots at me having sleep apnea.  They talked about my eviction shit.  They talked about me.  They basically said any guy attending this event sucked at dating women.  I mean one guy posted multiple, very detailed, bolded, highlighted, colored text posts complete with photoshopped pictures so he could take shots at me.

The funny thing is, the thread had grown to about 2 pages long and I wasn’t even participating in the thread.  Not one reply or comment was from me.  There were a couple guys defending me too, or at least defending the idea of the event.

And when I got there I laughed.  I thought to myself, “These guys don’t even know me.  They’ve never even hung out with me in real life.  And yet here they are spending their time, and energy, writing long, professionally done posts, scouring my blog for items to hate on, (no no, they self-admittedly said they read my “crappy” blog – I guess if it’s so crappy I have to wonder why they know so much about my life story from scouring it.  Go figure… 😉 )

But I really didn’t have much to say.  Why should I defend myself or whatever against people who don’t really even know me?  Does it hurt to read their personal attacks against me?  I’m overweight; a loser who has no other aspiration in life other than wanting to be a bartender; I’m getting evicted; the title of my event was the wrong color, wrong name, wrong idea, wrong person conducting it blah blah blah…  Does all that hurt me?  No.  Not at all.  It’s a matter of perspective.  They are spending their energy on me, sifting through my posts on the private forum to find weapons to try to use against me.  They come here to my blog to see what they can dig up.  They are basically just twisted versions of groupies.  And if that’s what they want to do with their lives, who am I to argue with them?  Why even bother addressing the virtual ebooks they may write to try and incite me to fight back or defend myself?

So instead I would write a couple of short paragraphs, mostly about the event, but maybe with a tiny poke, so I could see them open up with more fodder to send my way…  Because to me it’s sort of like one of those dolls with a pull string in the back.  You pull the string, and the doll talks.

Same thing with the haters.  I take about 2 minutes to write out a reply, maybe post a funny picture or two it took me a moment to find on google, and let them spend another 30 minutes, hour, two hours, whatever spending their energy on me.  After all, that’s what they want to do.  They want to give a portion of their lives over to me.  They want me to be their Celebrity that they hate.  So why not?

Sure, sure, sure…  I’m sure they would be much, much happier if I wrote a big reply trying to defend myself, but I’m not ashamed of my life.  I want to follow my dreams.  I can’t help it they are too afraid to follow theirs, and must resort to pretending and hating.  Maybe if they didn’t spend so much time hating on other people, they could actually try and create the kind of life that they want the other guys on the internet to believe they are having.  They can have this post.  Here is my gift of energy back to them.  But really this post isn’t about them at all, it’s for any of you out there who have had, or do have now, haters in your life trying to hate.  Just understand the definition of a hater and relax knowing they are mad that you have what they don’t.  Whatever it is, don’t even bother trying to figure it out.  Just let it be.  You are doing something right.

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all
their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some
haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you
blessed…

It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given
you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone
through to get what they have.

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but
they don’t know my story… If the grass looks greener on the other side
of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there
too!

~Maya Angelou http://www.zimbio.com/Maya+Angelou/articles/33/Definition+Hater+Maya+Angelou

As for me, I will continue to be a “loser bartending, apparently overweight, asshole for having sleep apnea, guy who loves sex and women, is trying to help other guys succeed in their dating lives, 38 year old” whatever whatever, and live my life the way I want to.

Some of us make things happen, or are out there trying to make awesome lives for ourselves.  Others feed off of those of us who do.  So cheers to you mylifetakethree, and others of you out there who have haters, because just remember, they are really just a twisted version of your fans.  Keep living your life the way you know you wanna, because, after all, some people need you to do that so they have something to do with their lives.  Let them watch from the bleachers and cheer against you.  Let them be the kids at the punk rock concert that paid for a ticket so they could say your band, which they are watching play, sucks.  Remember people, if you have haters, take heart, because you know you are doing something right…  😉

“We dress a certain way, we walk a certain way, we talk a certain way, we create a certain way, paint a certain way, we make love a certain way.  You know…. All of these things we do in a different, unique, specific way that is personally ours.  And we decided when it is time for us to, take over our own lives and do it the way we know we wanna do it; as opposed to someone else continually depersonalizing us and telling us how we’re supposed to do something, because they are viewing us through Their Eyes…  Not through OUR Eyes.” ~One of my favorite Quotes ever.  Author unknown

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8 responses to “Haters Gonna Hate..

  1. Was that my long distance dedication Kasey Kasem? MWAH and thank you~

    If I’ve learned one thing since my haters appeared, it is exactly what you are saying my dear RL – they are envious of the parts of my life they wish they had the chutzpah to live out themselves.

    Perhaps your haters would like to know, and could easily find here within the comments of your blog, all that you and I have planned, the mile long list of things we keep adding to our list, the threads we’ve exhausted over and over. Did we gather this list and carry on in conversation this long because we thought each was a loser? Um, probably not. They’re just jealous. Haters gonna hate but the cream always rises to the top. Cheers to the freaking weekend RL – xo

    Like I’ve told you RL – you have amazing things coming your way. Trust your gut, stay focused, enjoy your fan base, and continue to taste life for the amazing lollipop it is!

    • Sometimes, after rising to the top, the cream can spill onto your belly and then someone has to clean it up somehow. . . Hmmm. I wonder what someone could do to clean up cream that spilled on your belly. . . ?

      • or wine….sometimes that can just spill all over your belly…

        Yeah…clean up in aisle 7!”

        I can think of a few ways a man could go about getting that job done for me.
        I love a man who can clean up after himself….with focus, determination, and drive….
        🙂

  2. Ronnie,
    Appreciate your comments, but the very BIG difference between you and mylifetakethree is that you aren’t insulting other people, whereas she did. Sounds like your haters really are haters, and that’s uncalled for. (Gotta love your approach to them though. Good for you!) The people you are referring to as haters of mylifetakethree are just people who are offended and hurt by insulting remarks she made about them.

    Go back and read a particular rant she wrote about her dance class. Did any one of those people deserved what she wrote? How would you feel if someone wrote those things about you? Would you like it or just ignore it? That doesn’t make us haters. It makes her vicious and cruel.

    You probably won’t allow this comment to be posted, like all of her other “friends” but at least you will have read it, and at least maybe you’ll take a few minutes to think about it, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, people who had never been anything but nice to mylifetakethree, who then turned around and trashed them online for the whole world to see. Would you really like that and accept that? I think not. That doesn’t make you (us) a hater though. It makes you human and it makes you want to stand up for yourself and defend yourself because you don’t deserve to be treated that way, which is exactly the way we feel about mylifetakethree.

    It’s not okay to say things like that about other people, some of which are supposedly your friends. That’s where we’re coming from.

    Good luck to you.

    • Well I’ll tell you this much. I notice this . . . Sometimes with these situations, people can miscommunicate about certain things. Even in my case I know that maybe my haters have misinterpreted myself or my actions to them in some way as hostile. I’m not defending or attacking anyone here by the way. And I don’t know the quarrel that has gone on at Dance Class, maybe there was a miscommunication there that could have amounted to as little as a vibe or dirty look or even a cold shoulder that made one side feel hurt. People act like other people don’t notice this shit but they do. You know if anything like that took place and so does the person who is victim of it. Regardless- energy transfers. Some say that your thoughts project almost like wearing an antenna on your head. So I dunno what happened. Mylifetakethree has been nothing but nice to me. She doesn’t come across as malevolent and if harsh words were said I have to wonder where, when and how the initial hurt happened.

    • And I’m not saying you or yours are to blame. I’m saying think about miscommunication. Is there something more under the surface. See, I have to think about these things with my haters too. But the key is, at the end of the day, some of my best friends ever in life are people are started off fighting with. So I try to never dwell on disputes. There’s only 1 person in the world right now who started out as my friend and became an enemy. I sometimes think that if situations were different that that person and I could still be friends. Yes that person has one really shitty quality but also has some very good qualities too. Sometimes you have to SEPARATE the thought from the emotion, if you can wrap your mind around that concept. It’s kind of a thing I try to teach myself. If I took away MY OWN emotion and looked at the words, thoughts or situation AS IS, NO CLUTTER. . . How does that change my perception of it? I think whatever is going on you BOTH could try that. You never know what you might discover.

      • You appear to be very wise and I wish I could think of anything that could have been misconstrued because I agree that miscommunication is prevalent especially via text or writing such as a blog and if I felt there was something that could have been misinterpreted then I would at least try to see her perspective but I don’t. Of course you can only go by what you know and it sounds like she has been nothing but nice, and for that, for you, I am glad. Thank you for the kind words and compassion as well as trying to see from someone else’s perspective, which is all we can ever ask for from others. Not sure there is a resolution for the situation we are in with this mutual friend but I hope she considers herself lucky for having you as a friend.

  3. Pingback: Granny’s Relationship Advice « Mental Health Food

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