Themesong of the Day:
Reblogged from over at Ozzie’s Blog. This guy is totally on point on a lot of shit holding us back in life and especially in dating. So I figure I would share this three part article with you all here. Enjoy. ~Ronnie L
You can’t look at this issue in dating without looking at other areas of our society. If you don’t, you run the risk of not seeing the big picture. We live in a society that makes people feel unworthy of things in order to make them buy. We live in a society that breeds inadequacy in order to make you buy a better car, bigger house or a wonderful life. Without this culture of making you feel incomplete, we wouldn’t have a thriving economy. We must step out of this societal matrix in order to give ourselves “inner permission” to feel worthy of something, that you deserve things just as you are, without adding anything new.
But “I am not good at this”, “I am a defective item”, “I am unworthy”, “I am not good enough”
How can you give yourself “inner permission” when you feel unworthy of good things? Simply, you can’t. Not only that, when you feel “flawed” you feel like nobody ever is going to give you what you want. If you look at this issue with a magnifying glass, you will see that it affects other areas of your life, not only dating. At work, you fail to ask for the raise that you deserve. At family reunions, you try not to rock the boat by speaking your mind. With your friends, you probably never ask for too many favours in order not to make them uncomfortable. You remain needless and wantless. You get used to misery.
We need to learn to ask for what we want to others
As men we don’t want to ask. But if you don’t ask you won’t receive. Society tells you as men you have to go out and “conquer the world” but society never tells you, “You must go out and ask for what you want.” It is considered a weakness to ask others because it leaves you vulnerable to rejection. Let me explain how this happens in dating.
“Guy: I am from the land of beer, Germany
Girl: wow. Loved Germany when I was there.
Guy: Do you live here in the UK?
Girl: yes. I have made some friends and…..
Guy: Do you like it here?
Girl: I do. But……
Guy: What is your name?
Guy: Nice name. Do you like travelling?
Girl: I am going to the toilet. See you later.”
And the end.
This dialogue or interrogation reflects the undeserving mentality we have discussed before. In an attempt to avoid rejection, guys won’t ask for the things they want or need from a girl and instead substitute with meaningless queries.
Let’s see how a guy who feels he is worth it and doesn’t mind being rejected would face the challenge of meeting a new girl:
Guy: Hey, I just saw you from across the room and had to come and say hi.
Girl: Hi. What’s your name?
From the beginning, he is stating he came to find out about her, he is not hiding his intention of meeting her. Sooner rather than later he would take a further risk to either ask her number to go on a date or simply spend the rest of the night with him to get to know each other.
Two guys with different mindsets will act differently when they meet a beautiful girl.
Asking for what you want is key
If you want to defeat those feelings of unworthiness, you must learn to ask for what you want from a woman and allow room for her to say no. But you must take the risk.
If you want beautiful girls, you must walk up to them and start an interaction. In doing this some will want to hang out with you and others won’t. However, in the process you will teach yourself you are worthy of those girls. At least more than the next guy who hangs by the bar. If you keep at it you will end up dating some of those girls if you have the courage to ask. Ask for what you want. Then allow them to say “no” if they must. Keep reminding yourself it is none of your business how they respond to you. But it is your business to ask for what you want.
Conflict vs. wants
If you grew up in a family culture where every time you ask for something (a bike, a new toy, a holiday trip) it created conflict with your parents, you will have trouble with the above. Family cultures live with you and if you were trained since you were a child, not to get what you want or create a conflict if you wanted something, you will have tremendous problems asking for it as an adult. Children of such families lose the ability to be individuals, not free to act for themselves. They grow up with no sense of self or personal needs . If you grew up in such dysfunction, you won’t rely on others to solve your problems.
You are trained to “tough it up” and to take care of your own problems. They are no one else’s business but yours.
But it takes two to tango
In dating, you must realize it is not entirely up to you. You must rely on others, in this case, women. If you want to have choice in dating, part of the solution is in the girl’s hands. You must rely on others. However, your job remains to ask for what you want. You must walk up to her, start the interaction, and tell her you want to get to know her because you think she is cool. Believe me, women are dying to meet a guy who knows what he wants.
Walk up to 5 attractive girls and ask them to go on a date with you within 5 minutes of meeting them. Take rejection if you must. Your only goal is to be able to ask for what you want. Ask and you shall receive.
Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part I). – Read the Original Article and more from Ozzie <———- 😉