Part two continued from I am Unworthy part one (see Related Articles below)… ~RL
Themesong of the Day:
Connecting taking risks with rejection
If in the past you took risks with women and you were rejected, chances are you started connecting taking risks, following your instinct with rejection feelings. That’s why it is uncomfortable to walk up to a beautiful girl. it feels like touching a hot object, you can’t but feel doom will befall.
This feeling of “doom” ties up with our feelings of being “unworthy” of a beautiful girl and affects our sense of “entitlement”, deserving or entitled to good things in life. Without a good sense of entitlement we find ourselves increasingly isolated and caught in a self fulfilling prophecy. When we don’t fee attractive or “worthy” others can conclude that something is wrong with us, therefore they will reject us. Even if we start out an interaction well with a woman it may self-destruct because of our own “doom” expectations of it. This how we learn to distrust ourselves because we feel that “we have seen it all before”, and it is proven too often to end badly for us. As a result, we shy away from social contact, further dooming ourselves into a lonely, sexless existence.
Vicious cycle of self-image/poor body image/low energy
People who don’t feel very good about themselves don’t feel like putting much energy into taking care of their problems. Because it means taking care of themselves. It is a side effect of feeling unworthy of good things like a beautiful girl. They also don’t take much pride in how they look or appear. Letting go of your body image is a symptom of not feeling worthy and expecting rejection from others all the time.
However, if you take matters in your own hands, you will have the energy to take better care of yourself. No wonder guys, after taking a live in field program, and feeling better about themselves, they enroll in the gym, take on a diet, join a yoga class, travel the world, get a better job, move out of their parent’s house and so on. It is all a by product of feeling “worthy” again. They have more energy now so they take on bigger and more challenging tasks.
“Nothing good will come out of this”
As I sent a live program student into a difficult drill which involved approaching women in an unlikely situation, and I inquire what his mind is telling him, he says “nothing good will come out of this”. this is the typical reaction when somebody has learned that taking risks in social situations leads to being rejected. He has not developed the risk vs. reward mentality. he has yet to resolved the equation that says the more the risks, the more rewards. He hasn’t seen the payoffs yet of taking risks. Once he does, he will automatically become a risk taker. His will be opened. He needs to learn this for himself. That’s why I sent him into unlikely successful scenarios. He will find out that he can succeed even when his mind is telling him “No, don’t do it”.
Walking into scary situations
In my live in field program, I stand in the middle of a jam packed dance floor and scout for the worst looking case scenario. For example, last weekend I stood in the dance floor and noticed a couple kissing and rolling on the floor of the dance floor (yeah, that happens) and I immediately sent my student to talk to them. His goal was to hold that interaction for as long as possible. It was an unlikely successful scenario, he needed to learn to take huge risks. So after my student walked around them for a while undecided, he mustered the courage to walk in and talk to them. The interaction went well.
He needed to learn he must take huge risks to succeed in the dating game. I sent him into the most fear-of-rejection-inducing situation I could find.
The end of the rainbow
After the storm, the rainbow comes on. You stop seeing things in black and white colours. You start to see the entire pallet of social interactions. They stop being threatening and you start seeing them for what they are –neutral at best. There is no danger involved. You can stroll into them reassured that nothing bad will happen.
“I feel connected. I feel egoless”
Some students report a feeling of general calmness and inner relaxation by the third day of a live in field program. They have been through every tough scenario and survived. They can’t help but feel good. But not a feeling of over excitement, just a feeling of being ok with the world. They don’t threaten others but others don’t threaten them either. They make peace with the world and as a result the world stops scaring them. They feel empowered to walk into any social situation without feeling “unworthy” or “less-than”. Once the fear is gone, risk taking becomes the norm. Rewards too.
- Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part I) (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
- On Risk and Rejection (themusingsofasub.wordpress.com)
- Taking Risks (actorsembassyny.com)
- Sex Changes Everything: Opportunities to Mate Leads to Risk-taking (psychologytoday.com)