Overcompensating – The DREAD of the Intermediate Seducer

I came across a video earlier today when bouncing around on my twitter account.  I watched the video and the old familiar dread started to hit me.  Guys, EVEN guys coaching this stuff, still have one HUGE sticking point. That is overcompensation.  Whether it be “Overcompensating Alpha” or “Overcompensating Abundance Mindset” or whatever.  Overcompensating is a HUGE thing that fucks up so many people in the Seduction Community.  In pretty much every case it is never the real deal.  It is covering up for the thing they lack. 

In the case of a guy who is overcompensating alpha behaviors, it’s usually to try and make up for his fear that he is not alpha enough, and that is usually after he studies something, somewhere about how the alpha male is the one getting all the tail. (Hey I like that.  It rhymes. – The alpha male gets all the tail.)  So now this guy who a week ago who was timid and shy is now trying to be alpha but is clumsy with it so he either just comes across as annoying or he goes out of his way every chance he gets to prove his “alpha” behavior traits.  So now when a girl he texts to go out, doesn’t show up to the date, he says, “FUCK THAT BITCH!  I’ll show her not to waste my time!  I am an ALPHA MALE!  I’ll make sure she knows it and I won’t give her an opportunity to go out with me EVER AGAIN!”  Meanwhile the poor guy just completely missed the point of being alpha.  Because where he thinks in his mind he is being this big alpha male, he is ACTUALLY making a bigger deal out of her not showing up than it really was.  Where if he was calm, cool, and nonreactive he could have texted her or called her later and had the possibility of even using her flake as a way to escalate the interaction toward sex.

That’s just one example.  The list, unfortunately goes on and on.  “Not buying girls drinks,” becomes, “Don’t take girls on dates,” becomes as one guy put it recently on a private forum I belong to (and unfortunately in that case also he was coaching other guys), “Relationships are boring,” then later, “I don’t do that whole date thing.”  In other words, you can see where I’m going with this.  When guys let TRAINING rules become guidelines to define their lives, and they overcompensate for their lack of something in their personality, they create a mess.  If a guy wont take his own girlfriend on a date because he let a rule about – not buying bottle-rats in a nightclub a drink or taking a girl out to a $150 dinner so she can politely kiss him on the cheek and then go home and call “Jobless-Backwards-Hat-Guy” to come over and rail her – take over his life, but then complains that girlfriends are boring…  I mean, come on man.  It’s your job as a man to LEAD.  If shit is boring in your relationship, then take her out.  If a fear of getting taken advantage of has infested your mind to the point that you overcompensate “Alpha” by avoiding going and having adventure-time with your girl – well, not very alpha is it?  But the list of these things in the community goes ON and ON…

This kind of thing is, in reality, just about the same thing as a guy buying an expensive sports car because he thinks it will get him more women in his life.

Which brings me to the next point.  Overcompensating Abundance due to Lack of Abundance.  Let’s watch this video by a guy who is coaching for Daygame.com – then I will follow up with the reply I left on their blog about the video (which is what prompted me to write this big Diatribe in the first place… 😉 )

(Interesting how now the video is marked “Private” – Just noticed as of 10/25/2014.  Basically he was talking about how there IS no Soulmate or there IS no One Special Girl in the world.  Tom El Toro or whatever his name is from Daygame.com seemed really bitter and jaded in this video and reminded me of a guy who just found out about the community and still hadn’t dealt with the anger issues.  That’s kind of the point of this article.)

My reply:

Yes and no. I think you have good intentions by teaching this, but it’s also part of the dogma that screws up so many guys in the community.

Check it out, back in the day Mystery said it best. We are learning a skillset so that when we do come across that amazing girl we are ready to act and know what to do (not an exact quote but I’m too lazy too look it up).

Some guys get into this community to find a girl, get married, and live happily ever after. The funny thing is, I know guys who did just that. They went out a few times and ended up meeting a kickass girl they liked and then got married. So what? I don’t see anything wrong with that idea.

Personally, I have slept with so many girls at this point I can’t count them, but I STILL believe the one is out there. I do think there is a perfect chick out there for me. But the DIFFERENCE between the way I go about it and the way most guys will go about it is what you talk about, “oneitis”.

However, what so many what I call “New School” guys (like yourselves) tend to do is overcompensate a lot of rules that were made as stepping stones towards seduction NOT die-hard rules.

For instance, guys like to take things like, “Don’t buy girls drinks,” to ridiculous proportions. SO you got guys doing boneheaded shit like inviting a girl to go out for drinks and then when the tab come looking at the girl like, “are you going to pay your half?”

That doesn’t come across as Alpha or Socially Savvy – it actually has the opposite effect. The guy comes across as Socially Awkward and a Cheap Ass – kinda like the friend I had in highschool who would ask for gas money after asking me to come to the mall with him.

Same thing in this case. ONEITIS – It is not meant to teach guys to have this sad, hopeless, bleak outlook that there is not a kickass perfect girl for them out there. It is meant to instruct guys to go out, keep playing, and approach LEARNING from an ABUNDANCE mindset. So instead of the new guy going after only one woman, he can go after several to LEARN HIS SKILLSET.

But again, unfortunately a lot of the new-blood misconstrued the concept and now it has become more than a stepping stone to training, it has become an IDEAL – It has become DOGMA! Actually, what is has done is also become a PROTECTION, a SHIELD against getting hurt. So in essence, where you say it is coming at things from an ABUNDANCE mindset – the reality is that it is actually viewing things from a SCARCITY Mentality.

Reason being, you said it yourself. There are literally billions of people out there. So you’re saying that out of all those billions of people out there, you can’t find a chick who is perfect for you and vice versa? I know you kinda stated it as, “There are several the ‘the ones’”, and that’s about the closest you got to it, but that most important point is buried by the bleakness of the rest of your presentation.

So let’s go back. Why are you preaching scarcity? Because a man of TRUE abundance would have absolutely no DOUBT that there is a perfect girl for him. That’s abundance thinking. Ya, there are a LOT of kickass girls, but for sure there is one amazing chick out there for me. But I’m not going to stop, drop and roll and just look for her. No man, life is a journey and I will enjoy all these chicks along the way, maybe even thinking that the current or next girl could be her, I might even allow myself to “fall in love” with the girl, if it’s even for 1 night. So when I say scarcity, the REASON guys say there is no “One” is to PROTECT THEMSELVES from FAILURE. That’s not abundance thinking at all. You’re afraid of putting yourself out there and getting rejected.

It is simply an intermediate form of “fear of rejection”.

But it’s also an indicator of where you’re at with your game. I just hope that, now, because you are coaching that you can still have an open mind and learn this, instead of being stuck in rigid, community dogma type thinking.

So have a true abundance mindset. I’m a badass motherfucker! Of COURSE there is one kickass Rare, superfly chick out there who is a perfect match for me. There could only be one BECAUSE I’m so rare, amazing and unique! I may find her one day or I may not, but I will look for her, and have a hell of a lot of fun in the process.

In the long run, by having that positive mindset, a guy can actually go – “hmmm. Holy shit! This girl I’ve been with for the past year… She’s pretty awesome.”

The DANGER of what you are talking about is teaching guys who come into this just to find a girlfriend that there is something wrong with that. Guys come into the community thinking they want a girlfriend and come across overcompensating dogma, and believe it. Now the guy who just wanted a girlfriend thinks he needs to fuck multiple women. Then he comes across more bad information and thinks the girls he fucks are not hot enough. He can’t just like the girl he met at the party last month; he has to bang strippers, the hot club bartender and the supermodel.

You see what I’m saying? It goes ON AND ON AND ON. Where does it stop? With a guy getting frustrated because the goals he acquired since he joined the community are not even his own goals anymore, but the goals of desperate guys who were trying to figure out ways to overcompensate for their lack of abundance?

No man, don’t crush the dream. Just teach men a different approach to getting there… 

Just to summarize. These rules are made to learn not to adhere to as life-defining dogma.

1. My example of “Not buying girls drinks.” – It is meant to teach guys to be wary of the outdated concept of buying a girl a drink to gain her attention. It is so new guys don’t go to a club and some bottle-rat asks him to buy her a drink, and he thinks it’s going to help him get laid. In other words, it is so he does not get taken advantage of.

2 . Oneitis – It is meant as a training tool to keep guys focused on pursuing multiple women at the same time so they can learn a skillset. It is meant as a way to have them understand, at first, that there is “no special girl” so they don’t get stuck chasing after one girl. In my opinion, playing with many is the key to finding the one. By not assuming each of them is AUTOMATICALLY special we can be free to find out for real which one really PROVES to be special.

That’s the point so many people miss. True abundance vs overcompensating for scarcity with false abundance.

It is NOT meant to deter them from relationships. What I like to tell guys is, they can do what they ultimately want. Relationships are cool. But if you want to get better at seduction it takes practice and setting down with one chick can stall out progress. But it is all about TRAINING. Not about IDEALS to adhere and cling to to define one’s life.

You dig?

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Cheers!