Hey there, I just wanted to introduce you to a long time friend and great wingman of mine named Peter Grimm. He recently wrote a great post filled with some basic as well as advanced concepts. As you guys know I like my discussions about Seduction or Dating to be FIELD TESTED advice, and Peter brings a LOT of experience as well as success to the table. I am excited about this post and I know you’re both find it a fun and informative read.
Here we go!
Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup
First, let me introduce myself. My name is Peter Grimm, I’m a good friend of Ronnie’s and was asked to join this group to lend a hand and help bring along some of the new guys who want to experience as much success with women as possible.
First, let me say, I applaud you guys for taking that leap – for dedicating yourselves, for putting yourselves and your egos out there for the sole purpose of grabbing life by the balls and getting the absolute most out of it. I wish you all the success in the world and I sincerely hope that my experiences can help you speed up your growth and get you to where you want to be as quickly and painlessly as possible.
About me: I’m nothing special. I don’t have a silver tongue. In fact, I’m a pretty quiet, introverted and reserved guy for the most part. I’m not the center-of-attention pickup type you normally associate with this sort of thing. I’m not rich either. I don’t have a flashy job. I’m a middle manager at an oil company, and my job bores women to tears.
That said, I have had quite a bit of success with women in my lifetime, particularly in the last couple years. I lost track, but I believe my “count,” if you want to call it that, is somewhere around 200 women at the moment. A good number of them are quite beautiful. I am currently sleeping with seven beautiful women…. I would characterize it as I have that part of my life handled.
I don’t say any of that to brag, but rather to encourage you readers – I want you to know that if you really put your mind toward your goal of getting better with women, that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and that you WILL find the success you are looking for.
How I did it was mainly trial and error. I joined the Dallas Lair in 2008, and I was your typical newbie from that era running around with leather wrist cuffs, feather boas, bedazzled tshirts and 52 rings on my fingers, using canned openers straight out of The Game (hint: you don’t need that stuff). I read everything under the sun, I took a couple bootcamps, and I went out constantly. Like 4/5 days a week for a couple years. I got better and eventually moderated the dallas lair for a little while, then I got burned out from lairs, got in and out of a couple serious relationships, and did my own thing for a while (still going out every weekend).
Anyway, enough about me. Im gonna go ahead and post this, and below, I will do a writeup of my general thoughts about pickup and how I believe you should structure your learning in order to get good as fast as humanly possible, so you can start enjoying the success you deserve.
Where to begin.
First of all, what you should know about pickup is that it’s EASY. There is so much material and advice out there, one can easily get overwhelmed, but it shouldn’t be that way. When you really break it down, the fundamentals and principles of meeting and sleeping with women (and everything between and after) are NOT complicated and can be easily understood by everyone.
Second, pickup is FUN. Never lose sight of that. Never view this as a job or a chore, you’re trying to get your rocks off… it’s not that serious, and it’s not the end of the world if you get blown out every now and then. This is part of your life, a diversion, it’s not your WHOLE life.
Alright, now let’s get to some meat and potatoes.
Keep in mind that everything I post below is MY OPINION. Based on MY EXPERIENCES. It’s not gospel, and there are many ways to skin a cat. If anyone disagrees with anything I write, that’s fine…. what works for me works for me…. but ultimately you each need to decide for yourselves what your beliefs and philosophies are going to be.
1.) Myth #1: Looks don’t matter.
You read this in almost every pickup book you’ll ever buy. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this one is bullshit. Looks absolutely do make a difference. You’re just going to have to learn to accept that reality. That’s not to say that ugly guys can’t get girls, or even hot girls, but the good looking guy is going to have a lot more chances. Let me put it to you this way, using a baseball analogy. An average guy is going to get three strikes before he’s out. An ugly guy might get one. A good looking guy will get many more chances to fuck up because the girl wants him to succeed.
Now if you’re thinking about getting discouraged…. DON’T. Understand that what I mean by “looks” are 80% within your control. Probably the biggest thing you can do to improve your game RIGHT NOW, which is why I put looks at #1 on my list, is IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.
Bold text alert: THE SINGLE BIGGEST THING YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR GAME TODAY, RIGHT NOW, IS TO IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.
Let that sink in and marinate. And I don’t just mean the basics like stand up straight and don’t lean in. That stuff is important too, but understand that body language is more important than the words that come out of your mouth.
To improve in that area…. practice, practice, practice. Work on holding good, confident eye contact. Work on getting rid of that nervous laugh, any nervous ticks, work on moving slowly and confidently. Mimic actors… that might be the single best way to improve in this area. Read books on the subject. In other words, take the study seriously and dedicate time to it, it will pay dividends big time.
Work on your voice. This one is simple, the deeper, louder, and less shrill your voice is, the more pussy you will slay. So be mindful of it. Take voice lessons if you need them.
Aside from body language, get to work on your body. Eat right, and get your ass in the gym. Nobody likes busting their ass in the gym but he who works hard plays hard. It will make a difference with your well-being, and it will certainly make a difference with your success with women. I’ll leave it at that.
Finally, dress to impress. I find a marked difference in my success with women just based on how I dress that particular day. Learn what fabrics and colors look good on you, find your own style, etc. Again, there are a million different resources out there on how to dress nicely so I won’t go in to it now (if you want me to recommend some, just ask), but this one should be obvious: pick up a woman’s magazine, and you’ll quickly realize how much clothing matters in the world of women. It’s how they judge each other, and it’s how they’ll judge you. It’s how you present yourself to the world, of course it matters. It’s so easy to do this one right, to set yourself apart from 90% of men out there who dress downright sloppy and without any thought or effort… so just make up your mind to do it and reap the benefits.
To sum up: I think physical game (looks, dress, body language, voice) account for easily over half of your success with women. My personal view is that if you can get your physical game 100% down tight, which is just a matter of effort more than anything, then game from that point on becomes about JUST NOT FUCKING UP.
That’s right. It’s not about dazzling her with your creative stories, your witty one-liners, your practiced openings…. if you get your physical game down tight you don’t need to do anything… everything else becomes a simple question of 1.) not falling in to newbie traps and 2.) Simple logistics.
2.) Myth #2: You need good openers to succeed in pickup.
Nope. 99% of women don’t even remember what you opened them with. Here’s how this whole thing works. When you open your mouth to begin talking to a woman, she automatically begins assessing you as a potential mate. This is just automatic. She’s checking boxes subconsciously in her head.
So the whole idea that you need some “excuse” to talk to her is contrary to basic biology and it puts you in a defensive state of mind, which is not attractive nor is it beneficial to you.
I only open women two ways: 1.) Situational openers or 2.) Direct openers. I personally prefer direct, but situational is more socially normal so it just happens more naturally at times (however, bear in mind that it’s always implied, even when you open situationally, that since she is a woman and you are a man, you are feeling each other out as potential partners.)
3.) Myth #3….. picking up girls at bars is creepy/weird
A word on “creepy.” What is “creepy,” anyway? You hear this from girls all the time when they’re talking about a guy they don’t like, “oh he’s creepy.” What does that mean?
Creepy for a woman is a guy who is nervous, who hides his intentions. The creepy guy leers and stares at the girl but doesn’t work up the courage to talk to her, or he mumbles and skirts around what he really wants, so that she’s left feeling afraid.
We fear what we don’t understand. Make yourself easy to understand to women, and women won’t fear you, and you won’t creep them out.
So if you notice a hot girl and the thought that runs through your head is “my, what a hot girl,” then your next reaction should be to go up to her and say “I thought you looked really good and I wanted to come say hello.” Do not use an indirect opener in this situation because she will sense the incongruency, that will cause anxiety, and it’s not productive for you.
Myth #4: Negs don’t work.
In the early days of the PUA community, negs were all the rage. Then a school of thought came around that said negs are useless, you don’t need them, don’t bother incorporating them in to your game.
Well I’m here to tell you, and again this is my opinion, that negs absolutely do work, I don’t know where that contrarian school of thought came from, but yes they work and yes you should incorporate them in to your game.
And that brings us to the subject of validation: one of the most important concepts in pickup and one that you should master in its entirety.
YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GIRL WHO ISN’T ACTIVELY TRYING TO PROVE HERSELF TO YOU.
Let that sink in, because it’s important.
In nearly every interaction between two people, one person is trying to validate themselves to another. You need to remember two things: a.) NEVER validate yourself to a woman and b.) ALWAYS be sure that she’s trying to validate herself to you.
This goes back to what I wrote about game being all about not fucking up: If you start validating yourself to a woman, you can be Brad Pitt, but you’re not going to get laid. NEVER, NEVER do it.
So there are two ways you can make a woman validate herself to you, which will ramp up her attraction toward you better than anything else I know….
a.) neg her (these should be subtle and NOT seen as insults. Again, there are a lot of materials out there on how to properly neg so I won’t get in to it here.) b.) qualify her (basically, give her a compliment to the tune of “I like how you XYZ, you’re different from other girls, most girls are completely not like that.”)
Use these and profit.
Nope. You don’t. As long as she’s validating herself to you, then you’re more alpha than her, and that’s all you need for the emotional chemistry to work and for you to get some.
Every PUA goes through the “I must be more alpha than everyone, AMOG everyone, hand on the shoulder” stage in their career. Shit, I was that guy for a while. While it doesn’t hurt to be the leader, it certainly isn’t the end of the world if you aren’t. Focus on the nuances of validation instead, that will get you a lot further in my opinion.
It won’t kill you with women if you’re a bossy asshole…that’s not what you’re being evaluated on… but your friendships might suffer. Just a thought.
Myth #6: The comfort stage is just about talking about yourself, I don’t need to study it.
Wrong!! Game is won or lost in the comfort stage, I can’t stress that enough. I don’t often recommend or push products, but one I can really recommend for this is Kezia Noble has a DVD about comfort… I can’t remember what it’s called now but it really breaks down what you need to do better than anything else I can remember reading.
In a nutshell, that stage of the game isn’t about talking about you. It’s about getting her to open up about herself at a very deep level. You want to get good at asking the right questions that will help you understand the thoughts and beliefs that make her who she is.
That’s the ultimate goal. It’s not about you expressing yourself, it’s about you focusing your attention on her and helping her to express her belief system to you.