The Dream and the Demonologist

So last night I had a dream that seemed to last most of the night.  Even if I woke up and fell back asleep, the dream would continue.  I am writing this dream down because I wholly look at it as a healing dream or as a dream that signifies that I am, on a subconscious level, doing some LONG NEEDED healing.  I’m not gonna get into the details of what needed to be healed about me, but know that it is something or things, (Dan) rather, that I have wanted to fix for a long time, AND they were those kinds of things that were STUCK.  And I can confidently say WERE as in the past tense because I firmly believe that these dreams I have been having lately with the culmination of this last one (not describing them all in this post but just the series from last night) are the beginning for sure of the healing process I have been seeking.

This all started by listening to a flood of positive affirmations and some hypnosis, I THINK.  I think the key is, like other positive affirmations and self-hypnosis is actually listening to the suggestions that your mind gives you soon after or even during the sessions.  By the way, I was trying the FREE stuff on here.  Good stuff imo.  Yes, I have done LOTS of self-hypno in the past as well as affirmations but I am saying that the CHANGE started to happen with the audios from this site specifically.

You British fucks can benefit because she’s right by you so you might even be able to set up something live with her.  Her name is Jessica Robbins.  I’m not sure how I found her but I did.  Google, yes, I just don’t remember specifically what I was searching for or if she was top listed or I dug a little, which I am apt to do.

Well after some particular sessions I think I was getting the suggestion to go try and seek out a professional Hypnotherapist.  So I did.  I went with the same amount of skepticism as I always do with many things.  But at the same time I went with an open mind.  In other words I wasn’t just going to go in all, “I know this will work” and not question anything, but instead I would go in and let her prove she knew her shit and could make it work.

So I went for like 3 sessions.  And I gotta say I started noticing my dreams changed.  Instead of rambling on about what she did or what I think, or whatever I think the dream is why I’m writing this so let’s just get to that, but I will say if you are stuck on a particular issue or whatever, in your life, seek out a good physiotherapist near you and get to work.

The Dream:

So I just remember being stuck in old Soviet Russia, you know when the Berlin Wall was still up and they had that shit locked up tighter than an oyster.  Or if there is some other country in the world these days that once you’re in you’re in and once you’re out you’re out – that kind of place.  But I was an American so, no worries.  I was with some Russian dude that was trying to defect though, and I THINK I might have been trying to help him.  Somehow something happened and things got fucked.  He ended up having American Citizenship and I somehow got my papers fucked up so that I was stuck as a Russian Citizen and could not leave.  (i.e. TRAPPED – I.e. my repeating challenges that I seemed STUCK with in my life – if I was a dream seer and had to translate, that is.)

So I started trying to figure out how to escape.  I ended up meeting some Americans, I THINK, who had this GIANT train.  I told them my predicament and they said I could hide on their train and we could leave the county and go to America on the train.  Apparently in Dream World the Ocean separating those places is irrelevant.  Fine with me.  So I jumped in, and I just remember all this cool shit, that, unfortunately blurred here.  But at one point I remember we were coming to the border and were about to be searched.  According to the train people, the train was so large that they could never search the whole thing and if I just hid I would most likely be overlooked.  So I tried hiding.

Now at this point I woke up.  Then I went to the bathroom and fell back asleep.  Here’s the thing.  So somehow when I re-entered dream world I either did something to get off the train or I was OFF the train, and it was leaving.  I tried getting in my car, that happened to be there, to chase it, and I even tried willing myself back on the train but nothing.  Here’s the thing, though.  One of the guys on the train gave me his number earlier so I texted him what happened.  I don’t remember if I got a response or not but the idea basically was, “There’s no way in this car I am going to catch that train.”

But I DID find myself on another train.  And that was cool with me.  I was still trying to escape.  I asked someone where the train was going, and the person told me “Southeast Asia.”  I was like, “Ahh FUCK!”  Seriously?  But then quickly my REAL LIFE Ideal took over and I thought, “Go with whatever path life takes you on.  Flow.  Be in the moment.”

So I did just that, and I was chilling on the train on my laptop.  Soon we come to a stop, and apparently the train was going to be there a couple minutes, so I got off the train and took a look around.  And it was Beautiful.  I was on like a Tropical, type place, very nice, very island-ee, I remember carvings of like totems or cigar store indians and wooden signs.  Oh, it was a village.  Blue skies, palm trees, near the ocean – just what I like… 😉

The train announced that is was leaving.  I was off the train and my laptop was still ON the train.  Choices – leave the laptop (essentially cut myself off from the world I know) and stay or go grab the laptop, risk that the door would close and I would be stuck on the train and not be able to experience or explore this current destination.

Similar to this but more drab, lead, grey. Did have some designs carved in it but looked more plain and old as I said.

I decided to leave the laptop and explore.  Soon, as I was looking around this captivating village, I came across a little hut.  I remember reading the sign and it was the hut belonging to a demonologist I had heard about in Dream World before, I think on dreamworld TV.  It was like this old man, very Witch Doctor style.  The fact that he wasn’t really catholic or Christian both intrigued me, as a believer in God, or more appropriately the “Great Spirit” or Creator, but also made me a little skeptical because he was casting out people’s demons as a NON traditional, catholic or Christian.  This is a long story about why I think that, so I will just summarize by saying, part of me thinks that God is of Christianity, or even more so Judiasm, but a bigger part of me says that God is much older and has different Aspects he has send down through the ages, to different cultures etc to represent himself.  I really think scenario B is more likely, but that Jesus was the most RECENT incarnation on this planet, not the ONLY incarnation or aspect that God has used when visiting the earth to do some massive healing or enlightening work.

Similar to this but not as ornate and fancy, more just dull, lead, gray, with some designs in it. Not as shiny.

So into the hut I go.  I seek the council of the demonologist to see if I do have a demon that was harassing me.  I walk in a dark room, and the old man stands behind a desk with some fetishes and artifacts on it, all very simple, and there’s another table in front of me with a small, round ashtray looking thing on it.  It was dark gray, metallic, had 3 grooves in it like an ash tray would.  And off to his right, my left, was another man with dark hair, gray speckled, just wearing a gray shirt and looking unremarkable in appearance.  I assumed it was his assistant.

I think the first thing I remember when I walked closer to that table with the ashtray is the overwhelming desire to embrace how I felt, or perhaps how it made me feel, even if I felt like it was me doing it, not some other force controlling me. But perhaps that’s how this shit works.  I walked up, saw the table with the “ashtray looking object” and became enraged.  I shouted at the man, “What are you going to do now??” and other threatening proclamations as I violently Flipped the table forward towards him as hard as I could, maybe even throwing it and hitting him.

He was gone.  I don’t know if he left or just disappeared but he was gone.  The room was still there and his assistant was still there, sitting calmly as if nothing was amiss.  I just remember him saying calming words to me as I started floating near the second table and the assistant.  Then he reached out and hugged me, and said he understood, and asked if I really wanted to be free of the demon I had.

I said I hated it, I didn’t want it there anymore except for maybe, I always liked the floating part (I fly and float a lot in my dreams and I fucking LOVE it.) He hugged me some more, in a very caring way, this unremarkable man, and here I was thinking that what I did would be shocking to them.  But where was the old man, the Demonologist?  Soon I saw him hobbling back into the room on one crutch.  I must have injured him, I thought but still turned my attention to him.  I can’t remember at this point whether I was enraged or threatening him again or if I was just talking to him or whatever, but what I do know is as I tried to talk, he pointed or tapped me on the mouth (maybe with his cane or his crutch or hands, I can’t recall) and I felt a quick SNAP in my whole being and out of my mouth flew this Large, red/orange flaming skull type looking thing that screamed as it retreated off into somewhere.  I remember the old man chasing it, and I remember chasing the old man but I couldn’t keep up and they both were gone.  And then I woke up.

And I feel today, that, perhaps, I did release some evil shit from me last night.  That indeed some healers came.  Maybe it was on a subconscious level, or maybe it was dreamworld spirits, or maybe a little of both.  But all I can say is I feel absolutely hopeful now that I am going to be able to conquer and heal from some shit that has been bothering me for a long time…

The closest thing I could find to the old man in my dream. Also, nothing colorful or fancy about the guy, maybe dressed in all brown colors, like furs and cloth-robes or something.

Follow Your Dreams

Themesong of the Day:

I’m a little drunk right now, but I know I know I know.  I’m a dick for not updating my blog for centuries.  But whatever…

Follow your dreams.  This is gonna be quick because I really am not competent enough to write very creatively.  Well wait.  I am not really that drunk.  I am over-exaggerating for prose and pomp.  But I did have some drinks.  A friend and I just won a trivia contest at Uptown Lounge in Uptown of all places.

No no..  We were sucking.  Science?  Fail.  Comedians?  We did ok.  Some other category?  Meh!…  But then the guy behind the microphone said we had one and a half minutes to list as many 80s cartoons as we could.

I mean…  It was pretty much over at that point.  I was listing things like Tranzor Z and Galaxy Rangers.  Diggin Deep.  Yes yes, there were also the smurfs and the gummie bears and voltron and bugs bunny and mighty mouse and danger mouse and..  I mean, I and my partner in trivial crime were just writing for 1 and a half minutes straight.

So fuck science and some comedian I never heard of that played in some obscure movie.  I know who Penfold is, bitch!

Penfold from Dangermouse

So…

We won a $25 tab and pretty much used it up.   I think, also, I kinda feel obligated to go back next week, even though I suck at Trivia, and defend my title.  Jennifer, you fucking ass, we should have never broke up because I could totally use you on my trivia team right about now.  Plus I miss your ass…  And legs…

But look.  So what the hell does that have to do with Follow Your Dreams?

Well, today I bartended at a private event for some company called 1872 or something like that.   This was part of getting hired at my 2nd bartending job.   No no no…  Not second as in, I just got fired for being a dipshit drunk at my last place, but my second of 2 current positions that I have.  One for a place located pretty much in the center of the City of Chicago – a busy place with a fantastic lunch and dinner/happy-hour crowd.  And another for a Staffing company that sends bartenders to work events, parties and catering blah blah.

Which is cool, because I did cater to a catering company tonight.  And the tips were not that great.  But it was an open bar, so it was to be expected.  But guess what?  At the end of it all there was a big tray of unserved and untouched rack of lamb.  No..  Not the 5 rack that you pay $30 for at a restaurant.  No, this was a giant tray of several racks with about 10 or 15 rack slabs ready to go.  Unfortunately, the chefs did not serve them since, apparently, they were overcooked (meaning beyond medium rare) so none of the chefs (self-proclaimed as “spoiled” from eating good food all the time) wanted to take them home.  So unfortunately (double) I was forced to take 2 of those giant racks home for myself.  (I hope you sensr the sarcasm in my writing).

I love lamb.

And I was just given probably $50 or so worth of lamb to eat at my leisure.

So…  I am in it to win it.  I will get into details as we go on.   But I figured, last you heard, my life was a shambles, though I was fighting for life.  (Well, that’s a big dramatic, innit.  Not really life, but maybe a job).  And things have changed.  For now, just be happy that I am living proof of following your dreams.  I have a full time bartending job at a place I never figured I would be able to get hired at, located in the center of downtown Chicago, and I have a second job to back me up.

I have a buzz, and I have lamb.

Guess what’s next?

Time to get back on the Seduction Train…..

PS – There was a female robot on Tranzor Z ( a children’s cartoon) that shot her tits at her enemies.  Not kidding.

Percival

Percival

That’s obviously the name of the guy they coined the word perseverance from.  But here’s an interesting story about him you might not know.  (My source is one of my all time favorite movies, Excalibur.  This movie totally captured the Dark Ages (or age of the knights in shining armor) about as accurately, in my mind, as it could be depicted.  After seeing this movie when I was little I totally wanted to live in a different time period.

I always tried to figure out which character in the movie was most like me over time.  Arthur?  Maybe a little.  Merlin? Definitely a part of me.  Lancelot…  Well…  Other than being a badass fighter, I probably would have been more focused on fucking the single girls of the court instead of going after my best friend, and king’s old lady.  I tend to be loyal to my buddies and have had SO MANY opportunities to hook up with my friend’s girls it wasn’t funny.  I thought it was a curse in my life at one point.  So far I have only done it 1 time way back when and it was her fault. 😉

Well…  It’s always the girl’s fault…  ;p

Anyway, if you have not seen this movie, I recommend you do.  It’s a movie I will probably watch once again tonight just because this has been on my mind so much.)

The story is that Percival started out a normal peasant.  He was not a knight.  One day he followed Lancelot back to Camelot after trying to prove himself in different ways to him.  Of course all he wanted was to be a knight.  When he got to Camelot they threw him in the Kitchen and so on.

Later, after Guinevere took off to go cheat on Arthur with Lancelot, and Agravain (or Meliagaunce) accused them of infidelity, there had to be a fight to prove her innocence.  But the problem was that Lancelot was sick as hell from guilt for fucking his best friend’s wife and (in the movie) even had a big fight with himself where he actually was wounded badly with an unhealable wound.  So he couldn’t very well defend himself.  So, seeing his opportunity, Percival took his chance and said he would defend the queen’s honor – Why?  Because none of the other knights would step up; the implication being they knew what was up.

But, of course, Arthur didn’t wanna believe his wife and best friend banged each other in the forest (no guy in a relationship will believe his girl’s a skank, even if EVERYONE but him knows it.  I’m sure this works the same with women.) so he decided to knight Percival.

But there’s more to it.  See this guy was busting his ass and he did not want to stop.  So because he didn’t give up on his dream he totally got to be a knight.  But here’s the thing.  LATER shit got worse for the kingdom of Camelot.  Arthur got pissed off once he found out that his wife indeed was a skank, and he lost his sword, Excaliubur, by driving it into a stone, instead of killing his best friend.  Then Morgana tricked him into having a son with her, who she raised to be an evil, invincible prick.  Arthur got sicker and sicker after being struck by evil, magical, lightening.

So the quest for the Holy Grail began.  And guess what?  It was a motherfucking pain in the ass.  While they were searching, Mordred (Guinevere’s pricky sone) was going out killing all the knights, or they would get fucked up by harsh weather, starvation, you name it.  But a lot of them were getting killed by Guen and Morty.  So Percival eventually gets lured into Guinevere’s hide out where he is offered the possibility of getting the Holy Grail.  Of course he figures out she doesn’t have it, but by that time it’s too late and he’s hung out to die on a tree with a bunch of other dead knights.

But what happens is he gets his chance.  He has a dream when he is hanging there.  He gets an opportunity to take the challenge to get the Holy Grail and, well…  He fucks it up.  But, even though he fucks it up he comes out of it still alive.  The rope snaps and he gets free instead of dyeing like all the other knights on the tree.  So off he goes again.

Eventually, down the road he gets another chance.  He is drowning this time, and here comes the vision again, but this time he’s fucking ready!  Percival ends up being the guy who saves the entire kingdom by getting Arthur the Holy Grail that heals him and gets the kingdom back on track.

And that’s exactly how my motherfucking life has been, except right now, I just fucked up the first trial.  I was hired at the cool, fancy, bar and this bar was not a joke.  But I failed.  I told mylifetakethree (35maplestreet) part of the story already, and I don’t wanna rehash here what I told her, because here is where I take responsibility for being a dumb ass and failing, due to the enticing of shit that I let ruin my first bartending job.

Already I was being eyeballed.  I am not a hot chick and I am not an investor who works behind the bar.  I am the one guy in that room they hired that no one knew.  Immediately one of the managers there started hawkeyeing me.  I kinda think he took a dislike to me for whatever reason.  Circumstantial, really, but it is what it is.  ButI am the type of person who can turn that shit around sometimes, but in this case I failed.

How?

So I wanted to show my support for the new bar I worked at.  I wanted to show my love.  So I brought some friends up there and we had some drinks a couple Saturdays ago.  It was a good time.  I was getting fed shots by everyone including the managers.  It was cool.

But I got fucked up.  I tend to blame the combo of Chartreuse, Jim Beam Devil’s cut, some Saison (Belgian Farm Ale) and random shots, but really I am to blame.  I have NOT done this in ages; but I blacked out.

I don’t know if it was a combo of sleep problems and alcohol, or whatever, because I can usually handle my booze and I seldom black out.  But in this case I did.  And it was not that bad.  I just got a little goofy, from what I heard, but then there was this memory.

When you get an adrenaline rush when you are blacked out you will come back to for just a moment.  I got an adrenaline rush that night.  When I came back in I was pissing out in the parking lot in full visibility of the front door the venue.  The problem was that one of my managers was there and he had just called out to me, having caught me doing it.

Ya…  That…

Here’s the thing.  When I go out with my friends I am mostly the guy, even when we are fucked up, keepin my friends in line.  I like to have a good time, but I am not the low-class douchebag who does fucked up shit, but whiskey is another story (see Devil’s Cut).  When I add whiskey to the mix, fucked up shit happens.  I become a pirate.  I become a barbarian.  So most of the time I avoid whiskey when I go out.

But Whiskey just so happened to be the key ingredient to one of our craft cocktails.  I drank it.  And it, with a combination of other shit, totally kicked my ass and bolted me into pirate mode.  I wont get into the details, but needless to say I was pulled aside after only working one more shift there and told I was being taken off the schedule.

Stories exaggerate. There’s that story game you play when you’re a kid where one kid tells the next the same thing and by the time the story gets back to the person who started it the story has changed.  Well, pissing in the parking lot had become pissing on one of the owner’s vehicles.  I know that did not happen but there was nothing I could say.  They had made up their mind.  I walked into it anyway by allowing myself to be a dumb shit.

Lesson #4081:  Don’t get fucked up where you work on shit that you know will make you do dumb shit.

So now I am back on the quest after having failed.  The knight that keeps popping into my head is Percival.  I have already submitted so many resumes it’s not even funny.  I just went to an open call and the quick interview seemed pretty dry.  I have had a couple places that seemed promising so I will have to follow up with them as well.  But I feel like I fucked up.  I feel like I had my chance.  But I also feel like this was for a purpose.  Better to have had that happen after less than a week than having it happened after 6 months.  Now I have to bite the bullet from being a fucking idiot and go out and keep looking.

Ok ok.  Yes, some of the people I talked to think they over-reacted.  One of my friends who was with me that nights said, “You have to admit, it’s kind of funny.”  But the implication he made is, I got that job and that means I can get another one.  Maybe this was not the place for me.  Not only that but I heard the people who worked a super busy Saturday shift and made over $600 each in tips, had to give up HALF of those tips to the “house”.

That probably would have pissed me off enough for me to walk anyway.  That’s completely illegal.  But that, at least, would have been me making the decision, not getting fired for being a fucking bonehead.

My Indian friend said to me, “Don’t worry.   Lady luck is on your side.  You will totally find a good job soon.”  I think he means it.  A lot of people, even the Head Bartender at the bar that just hired me, voiced their support for me.  But now I am back to busting my ass getting work.

And the thing is, I am very close to getting an eviction hearing.  That’s another thing happening.  But I can’t give up.  Fucking life!  Ya, read my last post.  I am NOT, I fucking REFUSE, to let life fuck me up.  I will fight to the last and I will keep trying.  I will motherfucking succeed and very soon I will have my chance at getting the Grail once again and this time…  Well, let’s just say I’m not gonna put any whiskey in it and drink it at whatever Bar Hires me.

If I didn’t have some enthusiasm in my life, if I didn’t have this fucking drive to always expect the best even when shit sucks, I dunno.  But I do.  I will succeed dammit!  I will persevere and succeed.  (Oh, and sleep….?  Jesus Christ, that’s a whole fucking other story, but I wont bore you with it, until I know for sure if I just found a temporary solution, which I might have.)

Sidecar:

Well, then there’s this version…  Keep in mind Galahad and Percival are the same person, just different authors.

Sidecar II:

By the way, here’s a fucking fantastic discovery I just made.  Noodles that are low carb, low fat, low everything.  They are actually healthy for you.  Best of all they are dirt cheap:

Shirataki Noodles! Click to see!

Sidecar III:

Here’s a good trailer for the movie Excalibur…  Just go watch it.  I want a full review in the comments section of this post.  Now GO!