Doin my little online dating thing. It’s cold in Chicago, going out to meet people and freezing my ass off is not as enjoyable as I would like. So we, of course, turn to the online dating thing. This is a girl I met recently and took it from online to text.
Last night we had been texting back and forth a little. I will spare you the details of that, unless you wanna ask me of course and I will be happy to elaborate, but in this case I just wanted to sort of go through the concept of what most people might view as a rejection, where in my case I look at is as an opportunity to practice reframing. http://changingminds.org/techniques/general/reframing.htm I DO so love reframing when I can pull it off. But this, like anything else, has to be used sparingly. One time I was with a particularly wine emboldened date with a chick who got more and more sassy and mean the more we drank and so I was reframing a lot of the shit she was throwing my way, finally she got even more mad and said, “Alright! You have mind fucked me in and out and sideways by now. I bet the ladies just throw their panties at you.” Alas, it was her way of saying, “not mine”.
But in this case below, you can see how it works. I do so love me the art of the reframe.
Me (from last night): Truthfully, my new bartending gig doesn’t even start till the 9th and I’m kind of a broke joke till then. Sooo goin out to far away lands kinda has to way. But we could always do something next week more low pro. But no worries. I know the perfect adventure spot
(today I woke up to find in my text box) Rockabilly: I’m sure you’re a great guy but I don’t date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another
Me: Good. 🙂 So now we can just chill and be 2 normal people without all the pressure of dating and all that blah blah. . .
Me: Dating is an ugly word. It puts two people in these super defined roles and presupposes how they’re supposed to act around and towards each other. I don’t know about you but I like to think of myself as a dynamic individual who can really chill and live life in the moment, even with someone else and take advantage of each moment as life presents it to me. And I don’t feel putting labels and limits on the moments I share with others is really appreciating those moments.
Me: I’ll send you a text example of how the label “dating” can really fuck with someone who otherwise might really enjoy themself without it: FWD: Im sure you’re a great guy but I dont date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another
Rockabilly: Haha you are so funny. And bartender isnt a label it’s a factual assessment of your current employment situation. See also “broke joke”
Me: Haha. I don’t work at shitty places. I can’t really make a ton of scratch if the place I work at isn’t doing their grandopening for 2 more weeks, now can I? 😉 And ya. You are using bartender as a label. 🙂 You’re looking at me through the label of experiences and people that are NOT me, without fairly affording me he courtesy of being a Real Live Person, an Individual.
Rockabilly: I’m not concerned with the places you work at, that’s your affair. I have a special affinity for dive bars and “shitty” places
Me: Ya me too. I have a special affinity for the divey places with kick ass selections on the juke box. But places that hire me always end up being pretty schmancy. It’s kinda weird. I’ll explain in person but too much to text.
Rockabilly: So prove me wrong since you’re such an enlightened individual
Me: Proving you wrong may not be in the cards. Only you can make that decision despite my best efforts to prove anything to do. But I will be Happy to meet with you and hash this out toe to toe over some drinks at the local dive. Familiar with the LL bar? 🙂
Rockabilly: I have not heard of it
Me: By the way. If you want to label me s something, you could always label me as a writer, which I am. That is my other passion
Rockabilly: Bully for you
Me: So the question remains. When is my little Rockabilly, rollerDerby girl free to come meet up? Starting next week I train every day until like 9 or 10. .
Rockabilly: I have a little free time next monday and tuesday nite but not enough time to get all the way to belmont
Me: I could always come pick you up and we could drive around and drink in my car. Like highschool ! 😉
Rockabilly: Haha you had a vastly different highschool career than I, also my momma taught me not to take rides from strangers
Me: I’m HARDLY a stranger. We met online. Totally safe 🙂
Me: I’ll make sure to bring a bag of candy
Rockabilly: Ohgreat could you also ask me to help you find your lost dog?
Rockabilly: Its not a dive bar but its right off the blue line, the kinderhook tap, they have a great selection of craft beers
Me: Done deal. When . . Next wk?
Rockabilly: Yep. im free tuesday night or friday next week
There was a bit more logistical texting about specifics but there you have it. That’s how I do. This is actually pretty tame. Given time I have been known to take rejections all the way to her showing up at my apartment with the major likelyhood of having sex, and then having it of course. See “Fourty,Fit, and Phenomenally Sexy” below (related articles) for a link up.
Thoughts, questions, comments and reviews are totally encouraged as usual. I’m starting to send out checks to the top commenters on my blog. They should be in the mail this Friday. I gotta go say hit to this sexy retro chick so I can’t post anymore… Until Next Time.
- A Tale of Two Choices (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
- Fourty, Fit and Phenomenally Sexy (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
- The Quest for the Holy Bartending Position (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
Don’t be a shitty bartender!
I just posted this yelp review a few days ago and I figure I’d link it up to here. What’s the difference between two bars with an equally kick ass beer selection?