Texting a No Into a Yes – The Rockabilly Girl

Tsod:

Doin my little online dating thing.  It’s cold in Chicago, going out to meet people and freezing my ass off is not as enjoyable as I would like.  So we, of course, turn to the online dating thing.  This is a girl I met recently and took it from online to text.

Last night we had been texting back and forth a little.  I will spare you the details of that, unless you wanna ask me of course and I will be happy to elaborate, but in this case I just wanted to sort of go through the concept of what most people might view as a rejection, where in my case I look at is as an opportunity to practice reframing.  http://changingminds.org/techniques/general/reframing.htm  I DO so love reframing when I can pull it off.   But this, like anything else, has to be used sparingly.  One time I was with a particularly wine emboldened date with a chick who got more and more sassy and mean the more we drank and so I was reframing a lot of the shit she was throwing my way, finally she got even more mad and said, “Alright!  You have mind fucked me in and out and sideways by now.  I bet the ladies just throw their panties at you.”  Alas, it was her way of saying, “not mine”.

But in this case below, you can see how it works.  I do so love me the art of the reframe.

Me (from last night):  Truthfully, my new bartending gig doesn’t even start till the 9th and I’m kind of a broke joke till then.  Sooo goin out to far away lands kinda has to way.  But we could always do something next week more low pro.  But no worries.  I know the perfect adventure spot

(today I woke up to find in my text box) Rockabilly: I’m sure you’re a great guy but I don’t date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another

Me:  Good. 🙂 So now we can just chill and be 2 normal people without all the pressure of dating and all that blah blah. . .

Rockabilly: Maybe

Me:  Dating is an ugly word.  It puts two people in these super defined roles and presupposes  how they’re supposed to act around and towards each other.  I don’t know about you but I like to think of myself as a dynamic individual who can really chill and live life in the moment, even with someone else and take advantage of each moment as life presents it to me.  And I don’t feel putting labels and limits on the moments I share with others is really appreciating those moments.

Me:  I’ll send you a text example of how the label “dating” can really fuck with someone who otherwise might really enjoy themself without it:  FWD:  Im sure you’re a great guy but I dont date bartenders, it always goes fantastically wrong for one reason or another

Rockabilly: Haha you are so funny.  And bartender isnt a label it’s a factual  assessment of your current employment situation.  See also “broke joke”

Me:  Haha.  I don’t work at shitty places.  I can’t really make a ton of scratch if the place I work at isn’t doing their grandopening for 2 more weeks, now can I? 😉  And ya.  You are using bartender as a label. 🙂  You’re looking at me through the label  of experiences and people that are NOT me, without fairly affording me he courtesy of being a Real Live Person, an Individual.

Rockabilly: I’m not concerned with the places you work at, that’s your affair.  I have a special affinity for dive bars and “shitty” places

Me:  Ya me too.  I have a special affinity for the divey places with kick ass selections on the juke box.  But places that hire me always end up being pretty schmancy.  It’s kinda weird.  I’ll explain in person but too much to text.

Rockabilly:  So prove me wrong since you’re such an enlightened individual

Me:  Proving you wrong may not be in the cards.  Only you can make that decision despite my best efforts to prove anything to do.  But I will be Happy to meet with you and hash this out toe to toe over some drinks at the local dive.  Familiar with the LL bar? 🙂

Rockabilly:  I have not heard of it

Me: By the way.  If you want to label me s something, you could always label me as a writer, which I am.  That is my other passion

Rockabilly:  Bully for you

Me:  So the question remains.  When is my little Rockabilly, rollerDerby girl free to come meet up?  Starting next week I train every day until like 9 or 10. .

Rockabilly:  I have a little free time next monday and tuesday nite but not enough time to get all the way to belmont

Me:  I could always come pick you up and we could drive around and drink in my car.  Like highschool ! 😉

Rockabilly:  Haha you had a vastly different highschool career than I, also my momma taught me not to take rides from strangers

Me:  I’m HARDLY a stranger.  We met online.  Totally safe 🙂

Me:  I’ll make sure to bring a bag of candy

Rockabilly:  Ohgreat could you also ask me to help you find your lost dog?

Rockabilly:  Its not a dive bar but its right off the blue line, the kinderhook tap, they have a great selection of craft beers

Me:  Done deal.  When . . Next wk?

Rockabilly:  Yep. im free tuesday night or friday next week

There was a bit more logistical texting about specifics but there you have it.  That’s how I do.  This is actually pretty tame.  Given time I have been known to take rejections all the way to her showing up at my apartment with the major likelyhood of having sex, and then having it of course.  See “Fourty,Fit, and Phenomenally Sexy” below (related articles) for a link up.

Thoughts, questions, comments and reviews are totally encouraged as usual.  I’m starting to send out checks to the top commenters on my blog.  They should be in the mail this Friday.  I gotta go say hit to this sexy retro chick so I can’t post anymore… Until Next Time.

Sidecar:

Don’t be a shitty bartender! 

I just posted this yelp review a few days ago and I figure I’d link it up to here.  What’s the difference between two bars with an equally kick ass beer selection?

Service.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-map-room-chicago#hrid:BdhQOuM7DNXfATtiZdckwg

Enjoi

I Had a Good Day – Yesterday

Themesong of the day:

I found out I like to title my stuff after I write.  It makes more sense that way.  This is going to be chalked up as another wasted day in my life, since I stayed up until like 7am.  But I’m not going to go into some long lamenting bitch about it.   I can focus on the bad shit from today.  I am missing an open call or 2 for bartending, and I will accomplish almost nothing; but instead of thinking about all this shit I am missing out on, I will focus on the positive.  Don’t worry, I wrote this first paragraph for my benefit.  What this article will NOT be is some Tony Robbins pep talk.  Go watch him if you want some of that.

I had a good day yesterday.  I ran around with a friend of mine and helped him find an apartment.

I showed him 1 place I saw and he liked it a lot and decided to take it.  We went to Kickstand Espresso Bar later and chatted a little about online dating.  I only really dabbled with it in the past with my Craigslist Experiment.  I wanted to be a little more selective and get a profile up on a couple of major sites.

If you are unaware there are those who post a profile online and hope for the best.  Mostly that’s you and I (assuming you dabble in the online dating scene).  And we hope to find someone who meets our expectations and is a suitable mate.  But then there are the Pros.  Oh yes.  Just like in anything these days there are Pros in the business of online dating.  Here is one of them:

Introducing,

TPK of the Zentropic Research Blog, a blog totally dedicated to the way to WIN at online dating, and not is some lovey dovey be your best self blah blah.  No, what he discusses is the STATISTICAL shit that works.  He goes into detail about how to get so many online hits in your profiles that you will be overwhelmed with dating options, even from what he refers to as “unsolicited” emails, messages and so on.  Unsolicited means that you don’t contact them first.  They contact you based off your profile on your site and it is your job to follow up and respond.

It’s not about spending hours creating a profile and having people reject you based on YOU (because let’s face it, you are probably AWESOME and special, and there are probably very few people just as fucking amazing and awesome out there as you are – but guess what?  That might mean that very few people are going to be pinging you off your profile.), this is more about taking 12 minutes and creating a profile that gets results.  It’s about optimization.

So my buddy and I got to talking about this and I decided to throw my hat in the ring and try to do this.  Don’t you worry, I have expert help and will have my dating profile tweaked in no time.

So there’s 2 things I accomplished yesterday, I helped him and he kind of rough guided me.  I put my profile up and also tried sending out a few emails yesterday to craigslist.  This is not a personalized thing either.  I’m literally trolling craigslist (that’s not where my profile is by the way) and sending responses to ads on there.   It was pretty funny.  I would say, “I don’t know about this chick, it says here…”, and my buddy would cut me off and say, “Don’t read the ads.  You need to disconnect from that when you are sending the ads.  This is all about optimizing your time.  You need to act like a robot and just send the responses.”

That’s the key too.  It sounds kind of distant and jaded, but think about this.  If my goal is to meet someone on line how do I know that ad is even relevant anymore.  I could spend 10 minutes writing a response to someone who may have already found someone and who may not even read my response.

So basically this online thing is all about optimization.

But enough about that – you can click all the links above if you want to learn more.

Later on I came to my blog and realized it was all fuckered up..  The sidebar stuff was bumped to the bottom and it looked like shit.  I was wondering why my hits fell off for a couple of days and this explained things.  So I switched from using the Liquorice theme to the one I am currently using: Piano Black by mono-lab

I like Liquorice but I was having problems with it using quoted and having it fuck up my paragraph spacing after that.  And then that other problem with the sidebar, which incidentally did not fix after switching themes, but I figured it out.  But, of course, during that time and old friend messaged me on facebook and we got to yapping about this and that.  She’s a girl I dated long ago in an ancient era but we have a lot of cool stuff in common so we still talk from time to time.  It’s good to keep in touch with the people from my past.  It makes me feel like a dragon that has lived like 1000 years.  Ya, that actually is something I would like to do, live a 1000 years.

People in the first couple books of the bible did it.  It was cool at one point and then, I can’t remember why, but then God was like, “Ok.  People don’t get to live that long anymore.”

Methuselah: Extra-biblical tradition maintains that he died on the 11th of Cheshvan of the year 1656 (Anno Mundi, after Creation), at the age of 969, seven days before the beginning of the Great Flood.

Noah: Noah died 350 years after the Flood, at the age of 950,[4] the last of the immensely long-lived antediluvian Patriarchs.

Basically there is a crazy part of me that says to me I will live this long.  Seriously.  We’ll see 😉

“God takes care of me.”  This is my belief.  It seems to be true, because I have went to some crazy places and experienced some weird stuff, have been broke for a good portion of it, and have done well for myself.

But what now?  I started writing this crazy blog.  Something that just happend though that I realized is this.  I gave the blog link to a bunch of my real life friends and even a family member or two.  That, I realized, was a bit of a mistake.  I just got it into my mind that there are a few things I would like to write about Completely anonymously on this blog.

I have deep dark secrets, and fetishes that I would love to explore.  Some of these Fetishes are maybe not what Most people would consider normal or even…  Well not normal at all.  Ok “normal” is completely the wrong word.  “Mainstream” “politically correct” “acceptable”…

And it breaks by heart a little because I know me, and I also know that I will most likely have to make a decision about exploring that side of myself.  Do I do it here?  Do I use this blog as I intended as an outlet and just speak my mind completely?  I feel if I do not I will be cheating the fuck out of myself, but at the same time I may risk alienating friends and family alike with at least one or two of these deep dark secrets.

I do have many friends who probably might be cool with some of these things, but then again…

But, I’m sure most of the friends who REALLY know me probably know what I’ll end up doing.  Chances are that will be whatever I want despite what people think or the judgements people make about my actions.  But FUCK I should have kept this completely anonymous because then I wouldn’t have had to deal with any of that.  I could be like a Bruce Wayne / Batman combo and keep my private life mysterious.

Sometimes I make such boneheaded decisions…

But the Fetishes must be explored.  They are begging for it, and to deny these things I am denying my true existence.  This should be an interesting ride…

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Sidecar: