Religion, God and Sexuality

Tsod:

I’m a believer. I love God. If you do too this will make sense to you. If you are Atheist you can probably skip this as Irrelevant.

And before we get into the debate I always like to say, I’m not sure any religion has dibs on God. Just like in Pickup/Seduction  Schools of thought, no coach/system has all the answers.

And furthermore, I like to use the word God, not in a religious sense but to me it’s just so much easier than all this wishy-washy new agey shit people try to do. “It’s not God, it’s the all source of the universe, the energy that all creation is made from, the earth and Gaia as one.” or whatever the fuck.

Ok cool. and that’s the new Politically Correct, trendy way to talk about it. (Maybe not as Trendy as being Atheist is these days but that’s a different talk).

But to me using the word God is so much easier. Just like using the word Car is easier than saying, “It’s not a Car. It’s a machine that is made of metal and has an engine and uses fuel made from oil that causes the cylinders of the engine to fire off that makes the machine, that has 4 wheels by the way, go.”

That being said, I don’t care what people decide – whether they believe or not, that is their path.

However, I would like to bring up some confusion about Religion, God and Sexuality.

Religion has put a negative spin on Sexuality. Get Married, don’t cheat, don’t have sex until you’re married, don’t masturbate, don’t fuck, don’t get dirty, nasty, sticky and sweaty.

Religion=Man.

But if you read the Bible, 3 of Gods favorite people had lots of sex AND with different people.

David – King David had eight wives and at least ten concubines. 2 Samuel 5:13-15 says that David took more wives and concubines in Jerusalem, but doesn’t list how many, only names the sons born to him there.

Solomon – He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines.

Abraham – He’s another story completely. Not as many wives and concubines but he did sleep with his handmaiden to have children.

As a matter of fact, even the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is not about the concept of people being Homosexual or not, but that they had become so fucking corrupt that they would gather outside your door and demand you bring your guests out so they could fuck them.

That’s sexually depraved. That’s different than Healthy Sexuality.

Going back to the story of David – Was it his sex with multiple women that pissed God off?

Nope – God got pissed when David, who was already fucking plenty of women, probably all hot for the standards of those days, saw some dude’s Wife and wanted to fuck her too.

So David decided to send that dude off to fight and die in a war and THAT’S when God was like, “Seriously? You just fucking had some dude killed so you could fuck his wife? That’s pretty fucked up dude.”

Then God was pissed at David.

The thing wit Solomon was kind of the same. God was ONLY pissed at Solomon, not because he was fucking multiple women, but because he starting letting those women lead him astray and do dumb/bad shit.

God never got mad at people for fucking women and expressing HEALTHY sexuality, he only got pissed when people were corrupt, depraved or abusive in a way that was bad for the other person/people involved. If you were deliberately fucking up other people in the name of sex OR fucking up yourself, Then it was a problem.

That’s my belief. There are stories later I think where people say, “Ok, now God says no more whoredom. You can only have sex with one woman and she better be your wife.”

My PERSONAL belief is that most likely that was MAN=Religion pushing THEIR agenda and not necessarily God. But if it WAS God it was because man was making a trend of letting Sex corrupt them.

See the problem with Religion is this – Man uses God as a way to push their own agenda. They say, God says this and God says that… But many times it has nothing to do with God. And the problem with that is, that instead of blaming MAN – People blame God. It’s like saying Henry Ford is responsible for all the deaths of people dieing in Auto Accidents because he created the first mass produced Car.

So – I don’t think God would give us this whole LOVE of sex, make it pleasurable, make it release chemicals in our bodies that make us FEEL GOOD, in order just to play games with us and say “Don’t Do That!”

My point to all this is, If you are battling yourself in the belief of, “I like God, so I don’t know if I should have sex with Girls.” OR “I want to fuck girls, but if they love God it’s wrong.” I don’t think that’s the case at all, as LONG as you are doing it from a Genuine place of love of sexuality, value and respect for the chick and so on.

Why did God bomb Sodom and Gomorrah? Depraved as fuck. Not healthy, sex was pleasure and they didn’t care how much you had to fuck someone over or hurt them to get it.

So, be cool, have sex but do it from a place of love and respect and (at least the way I think of it) I am REALLY and Truly bringing a kickass experience into this woman’s life. I’m not fucking women to make up for my insecurities, or because I’m angry with them, or because I want to impress my friends, or fuck someone else over. I’m not breaking up some family by fucking some chick who’s married until her husband finds out and then they get a divorce. I’m not doing any of that shit. I’m fucking women because I LOVE women. They are beautiful, interesing, sexy creatures that I enjoy sharing my time with.

Ok ok ok! I know… I’ve been a naughty boy so here’s another post.

Tsod (gotta click the video to open in on youtube and listen to it in the background, but that’s the point 😉 Watch the video later… We got shit to talk about!):

So much to write about, so little time.  My life is FILLED with ups and downs lately and, so that 35maplestreet will be happy, I have decided to write a little update about me.  But what’s there to talk about?  I could talk about my new, donated from nice people, APAP machine that I am not trying to tweak and help get my sleep help.

I could talk about how SOPA and PIPA were dropped by the guy trying to sponsor the bills, and yet despite that the bill did NOT pass the government decided to try and crack down on the internet, pulling sites like Megaupload off line.  I could talk about how Anonymous decided to fight back and knock a few websites off line temporarily.

http://tech.pnosker.com/2012/01/20/sopa-and-pipa-dropped-by-congress-in-wake-of-largest-online-protest-in-history/

I could talk about how the quest to follow my dreams is going well, as you know, but that my new bartending gig is held off by the inevitable delays of opening a new place.  I still am broke and not working and who should pop up out of the blue after a few months?  My landlord, who is a little angry at the fact that I could not really pay my rent and has started the process of evicting me.  Yes, I feel bad.  I am not a free loader, but I made a decision that was fucking HARD to make, and sacrifice is part of the price I am willing to pay to make my dreams come true.  Let’s hope my new bar is a smash hit like it seems to be expected to be, that I glide through the opening stages with finesse and charm and do a kickass job so that I get to be one of the people they not only keep, but work a good 4 or 5 days or nights a week.  Then I can move out and pay my landlord and everyone will be happy.  But my landlord is kind of a dick (no, I’m saying this despite the eviction stuff.  I thought he was a dick almost immediately after I moved in.  Maybe I was spoiled by good landlords in the past, but if I needed anything done he would either tell me to handle it myself; disappear and not be available, make up some ridiculous claim about getting on a plane, and not being able to talk, anytime I started to address apartment maintenance issues; not return my calls or texts if I needed something; or just lie to my face and say he took care of something I CLEARLY took care of myself, like I’m a fucking moron.) and I fully expect him to try and make the biggest shit out of this he possibly can.  But God takes care of me.  I don’t stress, because I know that good shit is coming my way  and good stuff is always happening in my life anyway, it’s just that sometimes we have to really look for the good stuff and not let the bad stuff get us down.  If I’m going to give my energy to things I will focus on the good things and let the bad things sort themselves out as best I can without getting wrapped up in them.  That’s not saying I will ignore them completely.  I will attend to them as best I can, but I will not let bad things effect my life or attitude too much.  But tomorrow, sleep pending, I plan on contacting a couple Rent Assistance Programs in the city to at least see if they can hook me up with helping me find a new place to stay.

I could talk about how I think, politically speaking, that people are either brainwashed, lazy or just stupid as evidenced by the current GOP caucuses.  I’m not really a die hard republican or democrat because I think the system is broken and corrupted.  There are powers that be behind the scenes, but people can wake up and make their voices heard and Ron Paul was a real chance, in my opinion, to really get this country back on track.  Meanwhile who are people “apparently” voting for in these Caucuses?  Rick Santorum?  Fucking Newt Gingrich? Mitt Romney?  Ok so if Obama sucks now, NONE of the business as usual, old boys club neo-cons are going to make 1 fuck of a difference.  Not only that but Obama will most likely just get re-elected if any of these douchbags run against him.  Regardless of who wins, it will be the same bulshit over and over again with our freedoms being threatened, rights being taken away, being at war with this or that country for reasons only the fuckers behind the scenes are benefiting from, joblessness, fucked economy and the Federal Reserve destroying the american dollar and a whole host of destroying the constitution one paragraph at a time.  People had a choice to really start thinking for themselves.  Occupy Wall Street gave me hope that people were starting to wake up.  These caucuses, so far, are disappointing the hell out of me and destroying said hope.  Think, fucking people, turn the brainwashing news off, stop reading the big media newspapers telling you what to think and who to vote for and start educating yourselves.  You’re all being sold a big fucking lie!  That’s right.  I will post a big resource of introduction videos to get you up to speed if you wanna watch some stuff to educate yourselves and are not sure what I’m talking about.  See – Sidecar  Below.

I could talk about how the combination of sleep apnea and being a broke ass puts a huge dampener on my seduction life.  Imagine having several girls you text back and forth with but you never seem to ask them to go out.  What are you gonna do when it’s cold as shit in a city like Chicago and you have no money and want to go out with a chick and do some fun shit?  Maybe I’m not very creative that way, but even if it’s like 10 or 15 bucks, money always seems like a requirement in the world of dating.  What self respecting, quality woman wants to date a broke dude?  And I am most interested in dating quality chicks, not fucking random women that I never see again.  It gets old, trust me.  It’s fun on paper to play with a chick, make out with a chick, or fuck a chick for sport, but to me, the real quality women are the ones you build relationships or friendships with.  Kinda takes a little investing.  Not necessarily in her (like buying her stuff or trying to buy her favor or whatever) but in the shit you do together.  There are only so many women who are all about the movie and make out dates at my place and those can kinda still get old if that’s all you ever do.  It’s ok.  Soon!  My bartending thing can only be delayed for so long before it kicks in and then I truely intend on embracing the rewards of that STEP on my path to adventuring on my dreampath.  (But don’t worry, I still get my action 😉  I will have to finish my series of posts “A Day in the Life of a Modern Day Seducer With Sleep Apnea”.)

But why the fuck do you wanna hear about all that shit?

😉

Let’s talk about something important.

Let’s talk about my night last night.  Let me say, for the record, I did not get laid or even make out with anyone, but I did bite a girl repeatedly.  🙂  Don’t worry, she liked it.  She was egging me on and today I got a text from her telling me, “you bite like a girl”.  Here’s how it all started.  It was my friends birthday and we met at Lockdown Bar n Grill for a quick drink before heading across the way to the Empty Bottle (you know these links in here are clicky for a reason, just in case you wanna get a better feel for some of my adventures.)  Lock Down is a real live heavy metal bar but not gross and trashy like you might expect.  And it’s not cheezy pseudo heavy metal either.  They are blasting heavy metal and there are videos on the screen and it’s pretty loud.  That’s cool.  Not really my gig anymore but I have an affinity for metal since when I was in my sophomore year in highschool I became kind of a metal head, and that  kinda carried with me through highschool a little.  I liked metal.  I wasn’t so much the typical burnout kid, but I did like the music.  I was pretty normal I think for the most part.  But that’s how I am with music.  I really don’t feel the need to dress like the music I listen to.  I like some got and industrial and some hardcore punk rock (if it’s been played on the radio EVER it is most likely NOT punk, just an fyi.  Also if it sounds happy, it is not punk.), still like it from time to time, but I don’t know that I feel the need to wear black clothing 24-7 and guy-liner and get a shitload of tattoos or whatever to show the world my music preference.

So my point to all this rambling is I appreciated Lock Down, but other adventures awaited.  It was time to go across to the Empty Bottle for Hipster Soul Night.  I don’t think it was really called Hipster Soul Night but that’s what it ended up being.  We got there early when the place was pretty empty.  There was only me and my friend and his wife at first, but then a couple other chicks showed up that I thought were cute but ended up being (as I suspected) a lesbian couple.  Oh well. . . No flirting there…

So we just chatted, and I ended up talking to my buddy a little and then chatting up the interestingly cute, nerdy black server girl with her vintage glasses and her green hair.  Part of me thought she was ultra nerdy and hipster and part of me wanted to fuck her.  That’s something that’s normal for me.  Sometimes I feel like I want to fuck a girl and at the same time feel like I do not.  In those cases I usually opt out assuming that I may not wanna fuck her more than once if there are already reservations, but I bet under the right circumstances I would totally be DTF with that waitress.  Maybe I’ll go back some day and check her out again. I told her where I work so you never know.  She might even show up in my world.

Soon the bar started getting busier and people started filtering in little by little.  That’s when another girl showed up, who was a friend of my buddy and his wife.  She was cute too.  Dark hair and a pretty face and these big fake boobs (and if they’re not fake I will be even happier) and, at first, I was a little intimidated.  But that was a sign to me I liked her.  I didn’t talk to her at first but focused on just chilling, having a good time and… Oh ya!  I almost forgot to mention the drink specials.

$5.50 for a Beer and a Shot.  That’s right.  And the special for Saturday and Sunday were that you could pick any of the specials from Monday through Friday.  My favorite special ended up being Monday’s which was Bell’s Amber Ale and a well shot.  Well shots can be tricky but the bartender made it known that the well whiskey was Ten High which is actually not a bad cheap whiskey at all.  Needless to day I ended up getting pretty shitfaced by the time the night was over, which totally ruined my logistics and escalation on said dark hair girl, but…  Well let me back up and tell you the digs.

So after a bit I struck up a little conversation with the dark haired beauty.  It got a little bantery pretty quick and she was fun to talk to.  Now keep in mind I was drinking so I can’t possibly give you the play by play, and to be honest, I’m not even sure how we started talking or what we talked about for the most part.  That’s just how it is when one drinks I suppose – it’s all vibe at that point.  I know pretty quickly but now like super immediately quick, my hand reached for her belly to check it out (definitely let’s the girl know I am flirting.  I pretty much think there’s no doubt at that point.) and she deferred me away, but not in a rejection type way.  Some girls are a little sensitive about their bellies not being magazine perfect or whatever.  I thought it was nice… 😉  But it prompted the discussion of her working out on the Chuck Norris total gym and so on to my favorite girl topic, working out.

And over time we ebbed and flowed as far as taking to each other.  She would talk to other people or I would talk to someone or randomly wander to check out the crowd in the bar, which got super fucking crowded after a while.  But then, I’m not even sure how this was brought up, but later she and I were at the bar drinking or ordering drinks and soon enough guess what topic was brought up?  Her biceps.  All I remember was her telling me something about them, and me saying I thought biceps on chicks were hot and she saying something like, “Well if you like biceps you’ll love mine.” or something to that effect.  Makes me a little horny just writing this. . . Anyway, naturally I grab her bicep closest to me with both hands and she flexes it.  Not like flexing like a bodybuilder like putting on this big show, but flexing it in hands while her arm was resting on the bar.  Doesn’t matter.  I felt and I liked what she had.  I know I probably had to do it like 5 to 10 times during our conversation, probably telling her how hot it was or something to that effect, and each time she would flex it, which only encouraged me.  I guess she liked that I liked her biceps.

Annnnnddd…  After a while the conversation got more and more interesting.  Somehow I remember us talking about wresting, and Of Course, she started telling me how she would kick my ass at wrestling. . .  That’s pretty much the same to my ears as a chick telling me, “I would love to suck your cock.”  It has the same effect.  It only makes me super turned on.  I’m not some weak dude and I’m not saying some chick could kick my ass at wrestling, but even the prospect of it turns me on.  It pretty only egged me on to the point where I decided to bite her bicep.  I just leaned over and bit it.  You know…  I bite. I like to 😉  It’s a sign of affection.  And now that was the new thing.  I don’t know how many times for the rest of the night I bit her bicep but I did it a lot, and she kept staying there taking to me, though she might push me away or pull away but…  She liked it too.

But alas, the alcohol took it’s course and the Bell’s and Ten High totally kicked my ass and I left the bar feeling that, “Ahhh shit…  I’m over drunk…  Why is everything spinning?  I need some air…” kinda feeling.  But the good news is, when I got home I checked and there was a phone number in my phone with the initial T saved.  So I made sure to send her 3 drunk texts at about 3:30 am or so which read something along the lines of me telling her I think I bit her which meant 2 things:

1.  I was drunk

2.  I think she was sexy

And today about 9:30 am she responded with a little banter and cockiness. During our little text discussion I texted her “I like you.  Maybe 😉 I totally intend on asking you to coffee or wine or some random adventure soon.  And maybe let you try and wrestle me.  Fyi.  Of course this was after me texting her about her claims of kicking my ass at wresting and her response of, “Haaaaa!!  I can.”

But to my little direct proclamation above she replied, “No wrestling….you bite like a girl”  And my reply was, “I was being nice” followed a few minutes later by “My mom never told me to bite girls hard when I first meet them”

…and that was that.  No reply from her and no more texts from me, but it’s fine since she just got done telling me she was going to pilates at 10 and it was like 7 minutes to.

So the question is…  What happens next? . . . We shall see…

Sidecar:

Ok ok ok…  I will put a movie section down below in this post as promised above.  If what is going on in this country interests you, if you are politically interested or active in any way, please check out at least one of these videos.  Maybe you can bookmark this page if this stuff interests you and come back periodically and check this stuff out.  Some are short and some are LONG as fuck, but they are totally enlightening.  By the way, as always, DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF THIS STUFF.  Do your own research on the stuff discussed and decide your own path.  Some of these cats have very similar viewpoints and then some of their views differ.  Some of the stuff is right on, in my opinion and then some is right the fuck out there, however I won’t tell you what to believe, you do that on your own.  But the story and the theme remains the same, and you can learn a fuck of a lot from these videos.  Free Your Mind School is now in session:

Ron Paul predictions in 2002  (He’s not psychic so he must know what the hell he’s talking about)

John Stewart on the News Coverage of Ron Paul

Alex Jones – The Obama Deception

Bill Still – The Money Masters (No really – this is definitely a must watch)

Aquarius – Age of Evil (Christian Based, but hey… Some of us still like God despite how uncool it may be 😉 )

David Icke – Secrets of the Matrix part 1 of 3 (more new agey and has it’s own twist but still a good speaker and full or good information)

Michael Tsarion – 2012 – The Future of Mankind

Loose Change (mostly about the events about 9/11 and terrorism)

Yummy Kristy Enos (sorry – got sidetracked)

A Tale of Two Choices

Tsod off!

Butthurt.  That’s the word of today.  Sometimes you have to take it in the Ass to get where you want.  After all my enthusiasm and drive and “follow your dreams” blah blah of the last month I am still not working anywhere as a bartender.

I have put out resume after resume and gone to a few open call interviews and still… Nothing.  I have had a couple of decent interviews.  The interviewees smile and seem to like my answers.  These aren’t fake smiles, they are genuine.  I have had some promising experiences, but I have had nothing bite yet.

The crow was wrong.  Maybe the crow wasn’t wrong at all.  Crows like people to think they’re “tricky” and “mysterious”.  The crow was maybe trying to tell me, “Hey, this place would be cool to stay at.” Or maybe it was just hanging out and I perceived, in my somewhat witchdoctor mind, that there was some meaning to that experience in “Follow the Crow”, when there was none.  Or maybe it was just there to make me feel like this is some sort of spiritual journey in my life.

This is how I approach it too.  I emailed, then called, then finally emailed once again yesterday and got a response I have gotten from around 3 different places recently.  All a little different but saying the same thing;

“Good Morning Ronald:

Thank you for your follow up email.  At this time we did the selection on the Filinis Restaurant Bartender position and your resume will be in our recruiting file for one year in case we need more Bartenders in the near future.

Once again, Thank you for your interest to be part of your team.”

And when I get these, now, I feel the desire to respond.  For the places that sent me the “thanks but no thanks” responses without so much as interviewing me I had a response asking them how they came to that conclusion without actually meeting me or interviewing me; that their advice would be helpful to my job search.  If course I knew they wouldn’t response but it was a fun mail to send.

But in this case, Filini was nice enough to interview me.  So I was nicer in telling them their apparent mistake 😉

“Great.  If, once you open the doors, you feel your team of bartenders is missing that certain Flair or Spark that misses the mark of extraordinary, please look me up.  I feel like you may not know what you’re missing 😉 …”

Cheers.

Ronnie.”

HR actually did response thanking me again and wishing me good luck.  Still, as far as my bartender search goes I have a little voice inside my head that says, “Go for it.  You can still do it.  Push forward and don’t give up.”  That voice was almost gone a couple of days ago.  Here’s why…

A funny thing happened when I was driving around looking for work.  I think I mentioned it in my last post.  A company in real estate hand picked me to come interview with them.  I didn’t even apply for the position.  They were watching me.  At the interview I told the guy, “Give me a week and I’ll let you know.”  That week was as of today.  As of yesterday morning I was going to just put the bartending search on hiatus for a while and go work for the leasing place.  I didn’t want to but I am broke-broke.  I am scraping bottom.  It’s no good.  But I hear all these stories that keep popping into my head.  The Tony Robbins story of Sylvester Stallone, the Robert Kiyosaki story about how he and his wife were almost out of money and had just enough money for some Chicken from KFC and then their shit clicked in the very next day.

My mom sent me a book.  Now if you know my mom, which you don’t, she is a Religious person.  She loves God both fanatically and dangerously at times, it seems.  I think she’s a little on the witch side but that’s just me.  She can be both a good inspiration and a demon one moment to the next.  Can’t we all 😉  So she sent me a book by this guy she has been trying to throw at me.  “The Mentor’s Manna” by Mike Murdoch who I am sure is some guy she saw advertised on the Jesus Channel.  All it told me was stuff that influenced me to follow my dreams and stick to the goal.   It basically backed up what I have been writing about and thinking all along.  Follow your dreams.  Follow your Assignment.  It even had a little story in there about Elijah and the crows.

God told Elijah, “Get thee hence and turn ye eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.  And it shall be that thou shalt drink of the brook and I have commanded the Ravens to feed you there.  He went there and the Ravens were there. (1 Kings 17: 3,4)

Then there were other parts about waiting, and diligence and that things can dramatically change in as little as 24 hours.

But the ravens haven’t fed me yet, and yet  I am still doing ok.  Not great but ok.  But it’s ok to be ok.  I have food, a place to stay, and gas to get around a little.  I have Chicago.  But I want to make this break or get some money coming in.  There are dates to be had and things to do.  So even after that very inspirational book (and that’s good considering that I’m not usually big into all the Jesus channel type stuff.  The book just happened to feed my own internal message) I was about to go today and talk to the man about that leasing position – the easy way out.

But then two things happened yesterday that changed my mind back to focus.

  1.  I got a random call from a guy who saw my resume at this place I left it.  He wasn’t looking to hire me, but he was looking to sell me a space for a bar.  During the conversation when I told him what I was doing and how the search was going he said, “ya but don’t give up.”  It was just so randomly not random.  It was like the universe or whatever was trying to head me off at the pass and keep me focused on my goal.
  2. A buddy of mine who seems somewhat successful ($80k a year), who knows I am broke as hell, was chilling with me yesterday.  I mentioned, “ya.  I guess I’m gonna have to just take the leasing job and put the Bartender search on temporary hold.”  His response was, “No..  Don’t do that.  Then you’ll probably hate your job and hate your life and that’s not gonna do you any good.”

There were more things.  Facing your fears by Ozzie, and my own post I posted on a Chicago group for men’s empowerment.  The article was about dating and getting laid in general (go figure 😉 ) but it had the same message.  Don’t let your mind trick you into settling for a goal that is not really your true goal.  Maybe I’ll post it here so you can get the point, because really, it can be applied to anything.  OR maybe I’ll re-write it to be more broad and general.

I think that would lose its essence if I changed it, though.  If you read the article I wrote and were thinking about Goals and Aspirations in your own life, the same logic would apply.  I have gotten great responses from that post in a short period of time.

So today I was back at it.  I went to Brick’s on Lincoln Ave.  They were doing an open call for bartenders for a 4a.m. bar.  It seemed to go well but I didn’t get a, “ya, we would like to have you.”  Just the same, “We’re going over all the applicants and letting everyone know later on.”  The same went for the first place I went to on Lincoln.  The lady loved me who interviewed me.  She was smiling and laughing as soon as I walked in the door and she seemed to really like what I had to say, “…but my husband, who is doing the interviews, is tied up for the next couple of hours and won’t be talking to anyone else today.”

The bastard was there and literally did 1 last interview before I walked in the door.  I saw him talk to some busser or cook or something and then he skirted out when I was next in line.  So either he was for real and had shit to do, or he ducked me.  But look, I’m a well dressed guy.  I look good.  I have confidence and charm so it makes no sense that he would duck me just like that.

So theres 2 more down.  This may be the longest it has taken me to find a bartender job ever.  I’m not sure because the trick is, you never remember the failures.  You only really remember the successes.  But there are so many of the “failures” right now I’m just like… Fuck.

But now as I write this I realize one thing.  I can’t give up.  I can’t fucking back down.  Now that I’m being rejected left and right, my resumes are going unanswered, and nothing seems to be happening, if I give up, I am turning my back on myself.  I could very well look back one day and say, “I gave up only after a month.”

But what’s good?  What do I have to be thankful for?  My blog is going steady.  People seem to like what I write.  My writing on other forums is going well too.  I can write and write and write and I love to do it, but it’s not paying the bills.  But It is something I am doing that I love.   I can write this whiny post here and someone will read it.  Maybe even someone will offer encouragement and enthusiasm.

I was just featured on H.E. Ellis’ blog in a SPAM post she did.  I will have to return the favor and write a post on her blog as well…  And I need to read some more “OPBs” (Other People’s Blogs) like hers and “Wondering Wanderer” who are frequent commenters on my budding blog.

PS – I am liking them here.  Those are both great blogs.  Go see them NOW…  Wait.  Finish this article first and then go check out their blogs!  DO IT!!!  I will link up at the bottom to their latest posts…

I really am too broke to take any new girls out but I am still playing.  I woke up today to a picture of breasts in my phone that a girl I met on OK Cupid sent to me.  I got another text from a woman I met recently.  She was walking to her car to get something from the bar she was in, near my apartment.  Sexy as hell, I thought, so I went for it and we hit it off pretty well.  Her text was a smart assed response to one I sent her the other day when she told me she was sick.  I feel like I might be getting a little sick myself so I sent her, “I feel like I might be getting sick.  I better not have caught a cold from one of your texts >:(“

She sent back, “Awwwwww.  I would make u soup, kiss your forehead, tuck your legs under the blanket, and lay next to you and watch a movie, but I don’t want to get sick again, get better brat ;)xo”

It was a little rub back from my text I sent her a couple days back that was almost Identical, “Aww poor baby.  In a perfect world I would come over, kiss you on your forehead, feed you honey and tea and chicken soup and then rub you all over your body until you forgot about your cold and started melting into your bed from relaxing so good.  But too bad because I don’t wanna  get sick 😉 Get better brat.”

Ha.  Playing.  But text is only text.  It’s still fun though.  And then I have experiences like the other night which are at once crazy and fun.  Cockblocks can actually, sometimes, be enjoyable, but I’ll get to that later in another post.

Oh, and I do have a day 2 set up with a gal I have been working on through text for about a month, who I met in a coffeeshop.  Thank God for $5 wine Wednesdays.  Shhhhhh!  Don’t tell.

Ok – I’m getting completely random here.  So back to the point.  I don’t have what I want, yet, but I do have some things I need.  And maybe writing this on the blog will help fuel me towards persevering and getting the damn job I deserve.

Related articles

Sidecar:

Steps to overcome fear – from Ozzie:

  1. It’s OK to be OK.
  2. Process over Perfection.
  3. Do it Poorly, but Get it Done.

What’s that mean?  Well sometimes the steps we take in life are hard, frightening and we want to give up or back down.  So these 3 mantras are meant to combat that.

Fear is caused by too much focus on the outcome.  We don’t want to fail.  We want to be the best.  We don’t want to be embarrassed.  We don’t want to do poorly so we just stall or give up on our goals.  If we take the mindset in these situations that “it’s ok to be ok”, it gives us permission to just say, “ok, fuck it.  I’ll just go do it and see what happens.”  Many times it can help us to follow through with those tough, frightening situations we wouldn’t have.  And if we are focused on “Process over Perfection” the same thing applies.  We say, “Ok.  This is about the Doing, not the result.”  That helps you combat the concept of not getting results and getting depressed and worn out.  It can also combat being too focused on the outcome because sometimes that can be a huge hindrance.  Sometimes when we are so focused on getting the results our performance actually takes a nose-dive.  So the point is to just focus on, as Krishna said in the Bhagavad Gita, “Action for the purpose of action.  Not for the fruits of those actions.:

Do it poorly but get it done is a great way to take on those tough challenges as well.  Your mind reels and said, “Fuck!  That’s scary.  It’s going to take a lot of work!  There is a HUGE chance of failure.  This sucks.  Ok well…  I think I’ll just sit here and fill myself with dread and fear and…  Oops.  There goes my opportunity.  The window just closed while I was sitting here frozen with indecision and fear.”

So if you just say to yourself, “do it poorly, but get it done.” You give yourself permission to go suck.  Sometimes that’s all you need.  Sometimes going in and sucking is better than not trying at all.  And the funny thing is, sometimes when you think you are going to suck, or you are even 100% sure you ARE sucking, amazing shit happens and you are rewarded.  Or maybe your fear fades and you are anti-suck!  Maybe when you thought you were going to suck you actually do fantastic!  All you needed was to let go of trying to be perfect, and allow yourself permission to fuck it up but at least try…

Sidecar II:

Can there be 2 sidecars?  If you are in a bar and on a date, the answer is yes.  And this is my blog so I’ll do what I want.  And besides, you need to hear this story: