Themesong of the Day:
Here we go with part III of this awesome little bit of wisdom. This third part hit kinda close to home and I could feel sadness welling up inside when I read it. Anyway, here we go… ~RL
Loss of connection with your body
You feel like if you trust your senses things will go wrong. If you see a beautiful girl standing there and you trust yourself and go there things will go badly. If you feel this way, there is something missing in the “unworthy” equation. You don’t trust yourself. Feeling unworthy of a beautiful girl is a by product of not trusting yourself, your instincts, your level of skills.
What was the last time you trusted yourself and things went wrong
For many guys it only takes one time. You got rejected once or you didn’t get the expected results with a hot girl you wanted and you lost faith in yourself. Your ability to follow instinct was reduced. As a result, you shy away from risks when you see a beautiful girl. You don’t want to be rejected and feel that same pain again. It is a catch 22 of sorts. The more you don’t take risks, the more you build a negative disposition to follow your heart instincts. You build a comfort zone where it feels ok to be miserable. Nothing new here. It takes to destroy the same resistance to break out from being poor, or get a new job or quit a relationship. We want to stay as we are.
Loss of connection with body/loss of connection with reality
I have learned the more my student is not connected to his body or mistrusts it, the more he will interpret reality in a skewed way. They walk around the club thinking to themselves “I am weird for walking around and not talking to anybody” but the reality is different. Most people in the club are not paying the smallest iota of attention to him. They don’t care because they are worried about their own problems or having their own fun. However, when you stop paying attention to your instincts you misinterpret reality in such a faulty way.
Loss of connection with body/relying on others perception of reality
Because you distrust your own perception of reality you come to trust other people’s perception over yours. You care about what others think. You make it your job to find out what they think and then shape up your own opinions based on theirs. If a girl calls you “weirdo” you immediately think it is true. You trust others more than you trust yourself.
You must start by listening to your body again
If you are to change your feelings of unworthiness, first you must develop trust in yourself. Chances are you have shut down your body sensations around beautiful women in an attempt to safe guard yourself against rejection. Getting in touch with your true feelings around women can be terribly frightening because of past rejection experiences. However, as we have explored in other articles, it is key to open ourselves to the possibility of being rejected if we want success. You must allow women to say no if they must. You must take that rejection and realize it doesn’t kill you and it could lead to you meeting a beautiful girl. You must not take it personally.
How can you listen to your body and recuperate your instincts again?
Your coping mechanism is to bypass your body sensations and ignore them. You must start by listening to your body when you are in the club. In my live in field programs, I make my students walk around the club and come back to me and inform me of what they felt as they saw people. We do a little pre-approach discussion on whether their bodies are telling the truth or it is just fear talking. It is my way of making the students is in touch with their bodies again because that is the first step of a new relationship between them and their bodies. They will develop self trust and dismiss their body sensations. It is the first step towards regaining their “self worth” and feeling worthy of a woman again. They are scared to feel they are attracted to a girl because she might reject them. They deny those feelings of attraction. However, the best people in dating I have met in the course of the years acknowledge their sensations around a beautiful girl and they just trust themselves. That’s why they have had sex with hundreds of women. They always follow instinct. They trust their instincts.
Self trust and passion. The missing link
When you don’t trust yourself because you think you are not worthy, you can’t tap into your passions. Basically you don’t trust yourself to go after a goal with passion, in this case women. You can’t trust your passions because you think you will end up hurt and disappointed. It is impossible to get excited. You can just fake it, temporarily. This is the root with some of the “getting into state” issues that I deal with on program. Students think they can manufacture state or “passion” for a couple of hours in the club and then get their results and then go back to being miserable again. The simple truth is that it is a naive idea at best. You can’t consistently manufacture good feelings and drive for long periods of time without changing your core. You must solve the “trusting yourself” issue first. Loss of connection with your body must be solved first and then you can slowly start to develop instinct to go after the things you want out of life. Then, you don’t have to worry about passion. Passion, good state, joyful feelings can’t help but surface. It is the result, not the cause.
The moment we can trust ourselves, it follows that we assume that we can trust others. That’s the root of “I am worthy”. If I trust myself and my instincts and what my body tells, I immediately assume others are trustworthy too and I am in no harm in asking from what I want from a beautiful girl. I give myself inner permission to walk up to her and ask well knowing she can have the solution for my needs. Not only we see ourselves worthwhile and trustworthy, but also we PROJECT a sense of worthiness to others. We are perceived as a human being of substance who draws attention onto himself and who will give respectful attention to others. We trust our connection with the world and see ourselves as “interdependent”, not “dependent” of others. Sign of a healthy human being.
Tim and hottie smells
I remember Tim –rsd instructor deluxe- saying he loves women’s scent and he likes what he calls “hottie smell,” how a beautiful woman smells. He is intoxicated by it. He allows himself to be intoxicated by it. Notice how he loses himself in the moment when he meets a beautiful girl. He lets go of any outcome in his head and allows himself to be swallowed by the moment. That’s the key to success. There is no “future” (outcome) or “past” (rejections), just the now of what she looks like, her smell, her conversation and so on.
You must dive in the now. You must trust your deeper instincts and let the outcome take care of itself.
The aftermath of trusting your instincts
I will outline some of the consequences and you can judge whether they could be positive or negative. I just want you to make an informed decision to follow instinct in order to feel worthy again:
1. Some beautiful women will reject you
2. Some beautiful women will not only be attracted but will sleep with you
3. Some beautiful women will stalk you
4. You will feel rejected on several occasions
5. You will feel like a winner on several occasions
6. You will regain confidence and trust in yourself
7. You will feel less “unworthy” every time you walk up to a beautiful girl
8. You will be less fixed on outcome and more on the challenge itself
You can read more of Ozzie’s stuff and the original article over at:
- Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part I) (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
- Follow Your Dreams (librachronicles.wordpress.com)
- Find Happiness By Listening To Your Instincts (lantanagurl.wordpress.com)
By the way… I just watched this movie recently… Totally touches on a similar subject but in a different way…. Not only that but it’s a kickass action flick. Enjoi: