The Porn-Masturbation Connection – How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life and Make You Less of a Man

Alright, time to get back to serious after a little kickass house music yesterday (or was it the day before?)  I am starting a sort of case study (basically a new page) based on the concept that there are powers that be out in the world that DON’T want you having a healthy sex life, called, “They Don’t Want You to Get Laid.”  I haven’t made the page yet but it’s coming soon, and basically this will be one of the featured articles on the page.  I decided to reblog this, it’s about Masturbating to Porn and the many ways it can basically emasculate you and stop you from having a quality sex life. 

This originally appeared on the Harvard Crimson website. Here we go. ~RL

5Qs about Pornography with Dr. Donald L. Hilton, Jr. MD

Dr. Donald L. Hilton is a neurosurgeon at the University of Texas and delivered the annual “White Ribbon Against Pornography Week” lecture, sponsored by True Love Revolution.

By EMILY R. BRESLOW, CONTRIBUTING WRITER April 7, 2011

Fifteen Minutes: What are some of the challenges that come with the study of pornography?

Donald L. Hilton: A big one is the difficulty of finding a control group—few men have never seen porn. Also, because the topic is tied to ideological assumptions, people assume that if you show porn is bad, you must be a religious fanatic, making it hard to be taken seriously. Although, people are beginning to recognize it as a legitimate addiction.

FM: Tom Wolfe once said, “The bigger pornography gets, the lower the birthrate becomes.” Is there any truth in this?

DLH: Pornography emasculates men—they depend on porn to get sexually excited and can no longer get off by having sex with their women alone. What happens when you are addicted to porn is that you crave it. Real sex even becomes a poor substitute for porn, and you lose interest. This in turn contributes to the decreased fertility rate—making porn a kind of environmentally friendly population control. Although, the benefits gained from population control are vastly outweighed by the damage addiction does to families and individuals.

FM: When a species is endangered, scientists often look for environmental reasons. You claim that porn is causing the endangerment of the “real man”: what do you mean by this, and what are the environmental causes?

DLH: What it means to be a real man varies across time and space: for example, growing up in Southeast Texas it meant playing football, but for many it means to provide for your family and to be a caring husband. When you are addicted you can’t help but feed your addiction at the expense of everyone around you. Porn is fast, cheap, and easy—three things that emotionally involved copulations with a partner are not, so men are foregoing the latter for the former.

FM: What is going on neurologically in someone who is addicted to pornography?

DLH: What we see in people addicted to porn is the same as what we see with people addicted to drugs such as cocaine, supporting the theory that addiction to porn really is an addiction, and not merely a bad habit. The most significant areas of change are in the control and pleasure centers of the brain. Additionally, when we orgasm, we release a neurotransmitter called oxytocin which causes bonding, so we are literally bonding to porn when we use it to get off—making breaking the addiction that much harder.

FM: How widespread is porn use?

DLH: Over the past five years, the world pornography revenue was $97 billion annually. Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. The only reason these numbers aren’t higher is because so much porn is available for free! Every second 28,258 internet users are viewing porn. Eighty-seven percent of college men and 31 percent of college women admit to watching porn. Twenty percent of college men watch porn daily—suggesting a possible addiction. Porn is used more by men than women because men have the ability to engage more quickly, and more porn is geared toward men than women.

You can find the original article by clicking here.

Questions, comments?  Maybe you had an experience dealing with this kind of thing and you had a breakthrough that you think might help others.  Feel free to let it out!

Until next time…

Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part III)

Themesong of the Day:

Here we go with part III of this awesome little bit of wisdom.  This third part hit kinda close to home and I could feel sadness welling up inside when I read it.  Anyway, here we go… ~RL

Loss of connection with your body

You feel like if you trust your senses things will go wrong. If you see a beautiful girl standing there and you trust yourself and go there things will go badly. If you feel this way, there is something missing in the “unworthy” equation. You don’t trust yourself. Feeling unworthy of a beautiful girl is a by product of not trusting yourself, your instincts, your level of skills.

What was the last time you trusted yourself and things went wrong

For many guys it only takes one time. You got rejected once or you didn’t get the expected results with a hot girl you wanted and you lost faith in yourself. Your ability to follow instinct was reduced. As a result, you shy away from risks when you see a beautiful girl. You don’t want to be rejected and feel that same pain again. It is a catch 22 of sorts. The more you don’t take risks, the more you build a negative disposition to follow your heart instincts. You build a comfort zone where it feels ok to be miserable. Nothing new here. It takes to destroy the same resistance to break out from being poor, or get a new job or quit a relationship. We want to stay as we are.

Loss of connection with body/loss of connection with reality

I have learned the more my student is not connected to his body or mistrusts it, the more he will interpret reality in a skewed way. They walk around the club thinking to themselves “I am weird for walking around and not talking to anybody” but the reality is different. Most people in the club are not paying the smallest iota of attention to him. They don’t care because they are worried about their own problems or having their own fun. However, when you stop paying attention to your instincts you misinterpret reality in such a faulty way.

Loss of connection with body/relying on others perception of reality

Because you distrust your own perception of reality you come to trust other people’s perception over yours. You care about what others think. You make it your job to find out what they think and then shape up your own opinions based on theirs. If a girl calls you “weirdo” you immediately think it is true. You trust others more than you trust yourself.

Social Conditioning

You must start by listening to your body again

If you are to change your feelings of unworthiness, first you must develop trust in yourself. Chances are you have shut down your body sensations around beautiful women in an attempt to safe guard yourself against rejection. Getting in touch with your true feelings around women can be terribly frightening because of past rejection experiences. However, as we have explored in other articles, it is key to open ourselves to the possibility of being rejected if we want success. You must allow women to say no if they must. You must take that rejection and realize it doesn’t kill you and it could lead to you meeting a beautiful girl. You must not take it personally.

How can you listen to your body and recuperate your instincts again?

Your coping mechanism is to bypass your body sensations and ignore them. You must start by listening to your body when you are in the club. In my live in field programs, I make my students walk around the club and come back to me and inform me of what they felt as they saw people. We do a little pre-approach discussion on whether their bodies are telling the truth or it is just fear talking. It is my way of making the students is in touch with their bodies again because that is the first step of a new relationship between them and their bodies. They will develop self trust and dismiss their body sensations. It is the first step towards regaining their “self worth” and feeling worthy of a woman again. They are scared to feel they are attracted to a girl because she might reject them. They deny those feelings of attraction. However, the best people in dating I have met in the course of the years acknowledge their sensations around a beautiful girl and they just trust themselves. That’s why they have had sex with hundreds of women. They always follow instinct. They trust their instincts.

Self trust and passion. The missing link

When you don’t trust yourself because you think you are not worthy, you can’t tap into your passions. Basically you don’t trust yourself to go after a goal with passion, in this case women. You can’t trust your passions because you think you will end up hurt and disappointed. It is impossible to get excited. You can just fake it, temporarily. This is the root with some of the “getting into state” issues that I deal with on program. Students think they can manufacture state or “passion” for a couple of hours in the club and then get their results and then go back to being miserable again. The simple truth is that it is a naive idea at best. You can’t consistently manufacture good feelings and drive for long periods of time without changing your core. You must solve the “trusting yourself” issue first. Loss of connection with your body must be solved first and then you can slowly start to develop instinct to go after the things you want out of life. Then, you don’t have to worry about passion. Passion, good state, joyful feelings can’t help but surface. It is the result, not the cause.

The moment we can trust ourselves, it follows that we assume that we can trust others. That’s the root of “I am worthy”. If I trust myself and my instincts and what my body tells, I immediately assume others are trustworthy too and I am in no harm in asking from what I want from a beautiful girl. I give myself inner permission to walk up to her and ask well knowing she can have the solution for my needs. Not only we see ourselves worthwhile and trustworthy, but also we PROJECT a sense of worthiness to others. We are perceived as a human being of substance who draws attention onto himself and who will give respectful attention to others. We trust our connection with the world and see ourselves as “interdependent”, not “dependent” of others. Sign of a healthy human being.

Tim and hottie smells

I remember Tim –rsd instructor deluxe- saying he loves women’s scent and he likes what he calls “hottie smell,” how a beautiful woman smells. He is intoxicated by it. He allows himself to be intoxicated by it. Notice how he loses himself in the moment when he meets a beautiful girl. He lets go of any outcome in his head and allows himself to be swallowed by the moment. That’s the key to success. There is no “future” (outcome) or “past” (rejections), just the now of what she looks like, her smell, her conversation and so on.
You must dive in the now. You must trust your deeper instincts and let the outcome take care of itself.

The aftermath of trusting your instincts

I will outline some of the consequences and you can judge whether they could be positive or negative. I just want you to make an informed decision to follow instinct in order to feel worthy again:

1. Some beautiful women will reject you

2. Some beautiful women will not only be attracted but will sleep with you

3. Some beautiful women will stalk you

4. You will feel rejected on several occasions

5. You will feel like a winner on several occasions

6. You will regain confidence and trust in yourself

7. You will feel less “unworthy” every time you walk up to a beautiful girl

8. You will be less fixed on outcome and more on the challenge itself

You can read more of Ozzie’s stuff and the original article over at:

Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part III).

Sidecar:

By the way…  I just watched this movie recently… Totally touches on a similar subject but in a different way….  Not only that but it’s a kickass action flick.  Enjoi:

Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part I)

Themesong of the Day:

Reblogged from over at Ozzie’s Blog.  This guy is totally on point on a lot of shit holding us back in life and especially in dating.  So I figure I would share this three part article with you all here.  Enjoy.  ~Ronnie L

Inner permission

You can’t look at this issue in dating without looking at other areas of our society. If you don’t, you run the risk of not seeing the big picture. We live in a society that makes people feel unworthy of things in order to make them buy. We live in a society that breeds inadequacy in order to make you buy a better car, bigger house or a wonderful life. Without this culture of making you feel incomplete, we wouldn’t have a thriving economy. We must step out of this societal matrix in order to give ourselves “inner permission” to feel worthy of something, that you deserve things just as you are, without adding anything new.

But “I am not good at this”, “I am a defective item”, “I am unworthy”, “I am not good enough”

How can you give yourself “inner permission” when you feel unworthy of good things? Simply, you can’t. Not only that, when you feel “flawed” you feel like nobody ever is going to give you what you want. If you look at this issue with a magnifying glass, you will see that it affects other areas of your life, not only dating. At work, you fail to ask for the raise that you deserve. At family reunions, you try not to rock the boat by speaking your mind. With your friends, you probably never ask for too many favours in order not to make them uncomfortable. You remain needless and wantless. You get used to misery.

We need to learn to ask for what we want to others

As men we don’t want to ask. But if you don’t ask you won’t receive. Society tells you as men you have to go out and “conquer the world” but society never tells you, “You must go out and ask for what you want.” It is considered a weakness to ask others because it leaves you vulnerable to rejection. Let me explain how this happens in dating.

“Guy: I am from the land of beer, Germany

Girl: wow. Loved Germany when I was there.

Guy: Do you live here in the UK?

Girl: yes. I have made some friends and…..

Guy: Do you like it here?

Girl: I do. But……

Guy: What is your name?

Girl: Lucy…

Guy: Nice name. Do you like travelling?

Girl: I am going to the toilet. See you later.”

And the end.

This dialogue or interrogation reflects the undeserving mentality we have discussed before. In an attempt to avoid rejection, guys won’t ask for the things they want or need from a girl and instead substitute with meaningless queries.

Let’s see how a guy who feels he is worth it and doesn’t mind being rejected would face the challenge of meeting a new girl:

Guy: Hey, I just saw you from across the room and had to come and say hi.

Girl: Hi. What’s your name?

From the beginning, he is stating he came to find out about her, he is not hiding his intention of meeting her. Sooner rather than later he would take a further risk to either ask her number to go on a date or simply spend the rest of the night with him to get to know each other.

Two guys with different mindsets will act differently when they meet a beautiful girl.

Asking for what you want is key

If you want to defeat those feelings of unworthiness, you must learn to ask for what you want from a woman and allow room for her to say no. But you must take the risk.

If you want beautiful girls, you must walk up to them and start an interaction. In doing this some will want to hang out with you and others won’t. However, in the process you will teach yourself you are worthy of those girls. At least more than the next guy who hangs by the bar. If you keep at it you will end up dating some of those girls if you have the courage to ask. Ask for what you want. Then allow them to say “no” if they must. Keep reminding yourself it is none of your business how they respond to you. But it is your business to ask for what you want.

Conflict vs. wants

If you grew up in a family culture where every time you ask for something (a bike, a new toy, a holiday trip) it created conflict with your parents, you will have trouble with the above. Family cultures live with you and if you were trained since you were a child, not to get what you want or create a conflict if you wanted something, you will have tremendous problems asking for it as an adult. Children of such families lose the ability to be individuals, not free to act for themselves. They grow up with no sense of self or personal needs . If you grew up in such dysfunction, you won’t rely on others to solve your problems.

You are trained to “tough it up” and to take care of your own problems. They are no one else’s business but yours.

But it takes two to tango

In dating, you must realize it is not entirely up to you. You must rely on others, in this case, women. If you want to have choice in dating, part of the solution is in the girl’s hands. You must rely on others. However, your job remains to ask for what you want. You must walk up to her, start the interaction, and tell her you want to get to know her because you think she is cool. Believe me, women are dying to meet a guy who knows what he wants.

Dating challenge

Walk up to 5 attractive girls and ask them to go on a date with you within 5 minutes of meeting them. Take rejection if you must. Your only goal is to be able to ask for what you want. Ask and you shall receive.

Solving the “I am Unworthy of an Attractive Woman” Issue (Part I). – Read the Original Article and more from Ozzie <———-  😉

Check out Ozzie’s Blog here…