Sleep F#@K!%G Apnea


This is not another bitch fest.  This is an update into my sleep stuff I touched upon.  So I went in for this sleep test a few weeks back.   Basically I had to spend the night in this uncomfortable hospital bed with wires hooked up all over my face and body.   I looked like a creature off of Hellraiser or something.  All I know is as creepy as it looked, it was just as difficult to sleep.  I stayed one night in the hospital and was a waste of space for the next day, but the thing is, the things I learned about in my article (well I borrowed the article, but…  Whatever!) “How to Receive a Free Sleep Disorders Test” paid off.

So I got a phone call a couple days ago and was informed, “You have Moderate Sleep Apnea”.  Moderate doesn’t sound all that bad, does it?  Well, the fact of the matter is, I NEVER can get out of bed early and if I don’t get at the very least 8 hours of more of sleep I am pretty much a zombie all day long.  Yesterday I woke up and in a rather short period of time, realized I was tired and had a headache.  Instead of accomplishing anything I pretty much stayed in bed most of the day, and here’s why:

For me, moderate sleep apnea means that I apparently stop breathing or have extremely shallow breathing on average of 28 times every Hour.  Ya, every fucking hour.  I figured something like 28 times in an entire evening would be bad enough but, nope, apparently this is happening on average 224 times a night.  I am losing a lot of good sleep.  Now what does that mean?  I mean, it really can fuck up my life.  There are countless days where I have done almost nothing, and I even believe that this very well could have been the root cause of so many of me traumatic problems I had in my younger years.

My perception of looking at things like a surgeon, including my own feelings, physically and emotionally, was the reason I figured out that just 30 minutes less than the average recommended amount of sleep could ruin my day.   It also makes it pretty much impossible to get up early unless I was going to go to bed around 9pm every evening because when I say 8 hours I have to account for times I am awake.  For instance, yesterday I crashed out pretty early since I was a zombie and was frightfully in pain.  Then I woke up around midnight and stayed up, energized but still with a headache, until around 4:30.   The funny thing about this is that I almost took another leasing  job the day before.  I was right there, in the guys office, signing the forms and stuff to get started.

It was only a day later I had a really shitty night’s sleep and last night a fitful sleep, but thank God I got plenty of it and today I am not so much of a Zombie again (I just realized the joke of Zombie playing Rebuild 2 which is a game about trying to survive the Zombie Apocalypse).  So I am wondering in my witchdoctorish way if I was or am supposed to take that as a sign and not do the leasing thing, still.  In other news, I have a second interview tomorrow for this new Bar opening in Chicago.  I think I wrote about it, maybe not…  Oh I guess I didn’t since I just checked.  I think I’ll just chill and see what happens tomorrow before writing a report.

So if I should follow through with this sleep test, I will have to spend a week in Hospital come February.  What I’m hoping is that successful Insanity Workouts will actually kick my ass into shape and that my sleep apnea will kinda go away.  There is always that possibility that being in more shape and losing some fat will help treat it.  Of course there are no promises, but that’s ok.  It’s still serves as motivation to keep sticking to this crazy man’s workout.  You should have seen the drops of sweat all over my tile floor today. Funny enough, I took a peek at the workouts in month 2 and the insanity get’s just more ridiculous.

Just Fucking Crazy, but man, those women in the video are sexy as hell, for 2 reasons:  1. They are ripped as hell.  2.  They are kicking my ass at the workout, and I can explain why I find that sexy as hell in another post.  For now though…

I have gone into this cocooning of sorts.  I am not really going out to meet women, I am not really dressing all snazzy.  I am simply being for now.  I want to continue this workout and give it a good 2 months and really see what changes take place in my body.  Like I said, I checked into my closet and imagined how cool it would be to fit into some of the clothes I have in there.  For now I am wearing a hoodie top and jeans and my chill shoes.  I want to eventually come out of this cocoon a badass, gladiator mo-fo but like I said in This is Insanity, no pressure not expectation; just do!

and yes I will post before and after pics once I’m done with the first round.

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This is Insanity!


Insanity workout:

Yep. Thats right. Day 5 is today. I have the program and actually did it half way through last year, but ended up with the flu (non-related) and then doing Christmas Vacation at the same time and then couldn’t get back on with it. Why?

Before I explain that, let me tell you a little about this. It is hard! No no…. HARD! This workout has the usual suspects in the videos who are in far better shape than you and I (unless you’re one of them… Then fuck you!) . . . (nothing personal, but most of the time in the Videos I tell Shaun T that. Shaun T says, “Good job people!! That’s Insanity!!” and I feebly lift up my middle finger, gesturing towards the computer screen and say, “Fuck you…”), but the thing about these workouts are; even these super-in-shape motherfuckers tire out during the workouts and have to stop.

I know it’s psychological. I understand they did not edit that stuff out to let “Average Ronnie” know that it’s ok to suck and stop 50 times during the workout, but at the same time it is welcome to see that because this shit is hard. Trust me. I bet you can find the “Fit Test” video somewhere online. Try it. I dare you. You will be dizzy, tired and sweaty after you do it (unless you are already a super-fit mo-fo and then go back and read the first sentence in parentheses in the previous paragraph 🙂 ). So it’s very hard.

But I have gotten a little fat lately and my energy was just starting to fail me. I was getting tired all the time, as well as feeling like my clothes just don’t fit me the way I want them to. When I want to buy new clothes I actually don’t because I don’t want to have a closet full of “Fat Clothes”. I want to have cool, snazzy outfits that I can wear and accentuate what I already look like, NOT outfits I wear that attempt to hide me and disguise me and at the same time make me look good.

So I have a few shirts in my closet I want to actually grow into (backwards of course). Let’s face it. I am OK at dieting but I love restaurants and the occasional beer, wine or cocktail so the whole concept of eating super healthy (and I mean ridiculously healthy – strict diet plans) is just not happening. Now that doesn’t mean I wont throw together a kickass Chicken or Turkey Salad, but it’s going to be Huge and it’s going to contain something along the lines of the following:

1. A whole chicken breast (probably at least the size of my hand)
2. Spinach
3. Romaine
4. Regular Lettuce
5. Onion (a little Red or Vidalia)
6. Apple (Quarter of an apple sliced thin and placed strategically on top of the salad)
7. Dried Cranberries
8. Walnuts
9. Bacon Bits (just a little and usually the store bought kind – not actual bacon I made at home)
10. Possibly something random. Dressing is not something I use a lot of. If I do I kind of very lightly put a few drizzles or whatever on the salad. Definitely not into the whole “Drench my salad in Ranch” kinda thing. Random could also include sprouts or sun dried tomatoes or whatever.

But the point is, I want to work out too. Diet helps a lot, but exercise is important. Really I feel a lot better when I am exercising but I have been cutting my own throat during my workout stints and here’s why. I have a competitive nature. When I have worked out in the past I would really push myself and be super competitive with myself to get results. I would be super critical and so on and soon I would burn out.

This time I feel different about it. I think I just want to work out and get in shape. I really could care less about the results and I think that’s the key. People stop working out because they are battling themselves about it. They want results and they realize attaining those results are going to be hard. They lose themselves in the results and do not enjoy the process.  This constant battle builds inside them and soon workouts become a TASK.  Like, “ahhhh fuck!  I have to do that workout today…  Ok..  Maybe later.”

I think it goes back to one of my previous posts about seduction. We should be doing these things, not for the end result, but to make NOW better. We should be enjoying the process and really want to work out just to be healthier and work out. My body forced me into this. It was actually on thanksgiving. I didn’t have the usual Giant thanksgiving dinner; my family is too far away and my friends didn’t get here till 1am, so no reason to have a giant feast. But I did feel this urge to just get up and start this insanity workout. It was like my body was like, “dude, fuck this sloppy shit. Let’s go!” and finally I just got up without planning and started the Fit Test.

So the point is, I am going to keep the same attitude about this. I want to work out. I’m going to work out. My ego will probably try and fuck up that whole process by telling me about results, and how my clothes still don’t fit right and how this and that and blah blah bullshit, but I am going to totally take the ego out of this whole process and just work out to work out and feel better.

If I work out and I’m still a big fat ass, then who cares. I bet you I will be a fat ass that feels a whole lot healthier. If my clothes don’t loosen up – – – who cares? I will have more energy and feel better about myself since I have a stronger frame and a little endorphin rush every day. So I’m going to just do this different. No pressure. No – “I’m doing this to lose weight and I should look like the guys in the video!” Plus a little motivator in the back of my mind is, “Long, power sex!” Of course! What else would be the greatest motivator I could have? I want to have Longer sex. I want to power through and make love to women I meet for far longer periods of time.  Afterall, I know for most guys it may not be a big deal, but I love giving pleasure to a woman as much as I like getting it. There was a Sexy gal I once knew who swears up and down, “Remember that time we fucked for 8 hours?”

Now I don’t know if we really did but I seem to remember it was a very long time. And maybe back in those days it was fueled a little by extacy and marijuana but I was also in far better shape back then. I want to be able to have sex for much, much longer. But still. That’s in the back of my mind. It’s not going to come to the forefront and fuck me over like, “I’m still fat!” or “My clothes still don’t fit right.” will. Some people are motivated by pain and some are motivated by pleasure. I think it’s when I focus too much on either of those that I lose interest, or get burnt out. I am motivated by only one thing – the present.

I’m just going to work out, Bhagavad Gita style: Action for the purpose of Action; not for the Fruits of Action. Let’s see what happens, shall we?  The fun part about this is I am in pain, my muscles hurt, and I am terrible when I do these workouts but for some reason, doing these workouts with my new attitude feels like Christmas Morning as a little kid, right before you know you get to open the presents under the tree.



“At one time, O Krishna, thou praisest the renunciation of action, and yet again its right performance. Tell me with certainty which of the two is better.”


“Renunciation of action and devotion through action are both means of final emancipation, but of these two devotion through action is better than renunciation. He is considered to be an ascetic who seeks nothing and nothing rejects, being free from the influence of the ‘pairs of opposites,’ O thou of mighty arms; without trouble he is released from the bonds forged by action. Children only and not the wise speak of renunciation of action and of right performance of action as being different. He who perfectly practices the one receives the fruits of both, and the place which is gained by the renouncer of action is also attained by him who is devoted in action. That man seeth with clear sight who seeth that the Sankhya and the Yoga doctrines are identical. But to attain to true renunciation of action without devotion through action is difficult, O thou of mighty arms; while the devotee who is engaged in the right practice of his duties approacheth the Supreme Spirit in no long time. The man of purified heart, having his body fully controlled, his senses restrained, and for whom the only self is the Self of all creatures, is not tainted although performing actions. The devotee who knows the divine truth thinketh ‘I am doing nothing’ in seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, eating, moving, sleeping, breathing; even when speaking, letting go or taking, opening or closing his eyes, he sayeth, ‘the senses and organs move by natural impulse to their appropriate objects.’ Whoever in acting dedicates his actions to the Supreme Spirit and puts aside all selfish interest in their result is untouched by sin, even as the leaf of the lotus is unaffected by the waters. The truly devoted, for the purification of the heart, perform actions with their bodies, their minds, their understanding, and their senses, putting away all self-interest. The man who is devoted and not attached to the fruit of his actions obtains tranquillity; whilst he who through desire has attachment for the fruit of action is bound down thereby.  The self-restrained sage having with his heart renounced all actions, dwells at rest in the ‘nine gate city of his abode,’  neither acting nor causing to act.

“The Lord of the world creates neither the faculty of acting, nor actions, nor the connection between action and its fruits; but nature prevaileth in these. The Lord receives no man’s deeds, be they sinful or full of merit.

The truth is obscured by that which is not true, and therefore all creatures are led astray. But in those for whom knowledge of the true Self has dispersed ignorance, the Supreme, as if lighted by the sun, is revealed. Those whose souls are in the Spirit, whose asylum is in it, who are intent on it and purified by knowledge from all sins, go to that place from which there is no return.

“The illuminated sage regards with equal mind an illuminated, selfless Brahmin, a cow, an elephant, a dog, and even an outcaste who eats the flesh of dogs. Those who thus preserve an equal mind gain heaven even in this life, for the Supreme is free from sin and equal-minded; therefore they rest in the Supreme Spirit. The man who knoweth the Supreme Spirit, who is not deluded, and who is fixed on him, doth not rejoice at obtaining what is pleasant, nor grieve when meeting what is unpleasant. He whose heart is not attached to objects of sense finds pleasure within himself, and, through devotion, united with the Supreme, enjoys imperishable bliss. For those enjoyments which arise through the contact of the senses with external objects are wombs of pain, since they have a beginning and an end; O son of Kunti, the wise man delighteth not in these. He who, while living in this world and before the liberation of the soul from the body, can resist the impulse arising from desire and anger is a devotee and blessed. The man who is happy within himself, who is illuminated within, is a devotee, and partaking of the nature of the Supreme Spirit, he is merged in it. Such illuminated sages whose sins are exhausted, who are free from delusion, who have their senses and organs under control, and devoted to the good of all creatures, obtain assimilation with the Supreme Spirit.  Assimilation with the Supreme Spirit is on both sides of death for those who are free from desire and anger, temperate, of thoughts restrained; and who are acquainted with the true Self.

“The anchorite who shutteth his placid soul away from all sense of touch, with gaze fixed between his brows; who maketh the breath to pass through both his nostrils with evenness alike in inspiration and expiration, whose senses and organs together with his heart and understanding are under control, and who hath set his heart upon liberation and is ever free from desire and anger, is emancipated from birth and death even in this life. Knowing that I, the great Lord of all worlds, am the enjoyer of all sacrifices and penances and the friend of all creatures, he shall obtain me and be blessed.”

Thus in the Upanishads, called the holy Bhagavad-Gita, in the science of the Supreme Spirit, in the book of devotion, in the colloquy between the Holy Krishna and Arjuna, stands the Fifth Chapter, by name —

Renunciation of fruits of Action

Sidecar II:

Sidecar III:

Always remember to put a title on the post before you schedule it for posting.  ;p