Learn to Love Yourself and a Special Event Coming Up

But here’s the thing, man. Anyone who ever wants to have some cool shit learned on this topic in a cool ass way, throw this on in the background while you are surfing the web and start paying attention to when you start hearing the chick talk… ¬†(I have a wing and friend who told me one of the things I do best is start a conversation with someone like we were already in the middle of a discussion… ūüėČ )

I don’t wanna be a mass personality. ¬†I don’t wanna be a “one-dimension”. I wanna be me. ¬†I wanna be human. ¬†I don’t WANNA BE A SLAVE!

We dress a certain way, we walk a certain way, we talk a certain way, we create a certain way, we paint a certain way, we… We make love a certain way. ¬†You know. All of these things we do in a different, unique, specific way that is personally ours.

I wanna do this the way I wanna do it. I wanna determine my own destiny.

And we decided that it is time for us to take over our own lives and do it¬†the way we know we wanna do it, as opposed to someone else continually depersonalizing us and telling us how we’re supposed to do something, because they’re viewing us through THEIR eyes, NOT through OUR EYES.

But FIRST, learn to love yourself. ¬†That is, your REAL self. ¬†And that’s very hard to do and I’m still trying to do it.

The process of change is very painful, and it’s very tedious, and it’s very SLOW. ¬†The process of change comes through conflict… Sometimes, even, you know, even suffering. ¬†Of being aware. Observing yourself. ¬†Watching yourself. ¬†So you can begin to LOVE yourself. And if you can love yourself, there ain’t nothin’ you can’t do, you know? ¬†Then I say, “I love myself so much that I can start loving you, and you can start loving me.” And the next thing is to begin to try and love someone else!

But to the degree to that you give love, is the degree that you get love back. ¬†So that if I ain’t got none in me, I can’t get none back. It don’t matter whether they’re a doctor, lawer or indian chief. ¬†It’s not, “I am a… a.. I am an Actor.” ¬†Or, “I am a Doctor.” It’s, “I AM!” and if I AM, there ain’t nothing else that’s important.


Coming up in The Midwest Lair

The ZAN Lair talk…

What: Zan Perrion Midwest Lair Talk

When: Sunday, June 14th at 7pm CST
Where: Skype or Google Hangouts – Stay Tuned

That’s right. The man, the myth, the legend – Zan Perrion himself will be giving a talk for us. I couldn’t be more excited and you know that it’s rare that a seduction or pickup coach impresses me. ūüėȬ†This is one of the greats who was already great when I was still a scrub-nub learning the ropes.

Zan Perrion is a writer, author of Alabaster Girl, motivational speaker, and life coach based originally in Vancouver, B.C. One of the founding members of today’s “burgeoning community of international pickup artists”, he has advocated a more natural and enlightened form of interaction between men and women.

How to get involved?

Join the lair then once you’re accepted click the link below link… See you on the flipside.


Day2 Scrum – Dating How-To Mini Guide for Men

This is a scrum of ideas I posted once, and is more based on a guy who already has a decent skillset, is getting dates, knows all the basics, but is having some trouble when it comes to converting Day2s into a close.  If you are looking for a complete date guide this might not be for you.  There are plenty of guides and sources out there you can learn the basics from.  Sometimes we gotta step things up for the guys who are maybe a tiny bit more on the experienced side.

First of all, let’s get right into the basics – NO DINNER!!!!

It becomes too much of an interview.¬† Food makes people tired.¬† You will become the next guy who took her out to eat.¬† I have heard several women tell me they will go out with a guy at least once to get a ‘Free Meal’ even if they’re not sure they like you.

So NIX the food for the most part, unless you want to save a few bucks and do a Byob!¬† In that case make sure you make it clear to her, “I’m not really that hungry but I could nibble on something.¬† Let’s go get an app to share.”¬† or something like that.¬† Don’t make FOOD the central theme.

I’m telling you.¬† The times I spend the most money are the times I DO NOT get laid.¬† You have to be careful with some girls.¬† They will eat and drink and want you to spend your money and get mad if you don’t.

There is one time that comes to mind that a girl got pissed because she offered to pay and I let her but if you got a chick like that, who fucking cares.  You want her to want you, not want what you can pay for.

But BALANCE this.¬† Don’t be a stingy, cheapass either.¬† It’s tough sometimes, but it takes social calibration.¬† If you invite someone out to drinks it doesn’t make sense to say, “I just invited you here to drink but now you have to pay for your own shit.”

It’s like my friend in Highschool who would had a car and would call me and say, “hey man, I’m going to ‘such and such’ a place.¬† You should come with me!” and then once we were rolling he would ask for Gas Money.

Girls talk about everything!¬† They will talk to you with their friends and people whom you’ve never met and if you come across as a cheap ass to even one of those friends you’re done.

FOOD Exceptions:

The 2 exceptions that come to mind that involve day2s and Food or Dinner are as follows:

1. ¬†You can meet a girl to a bar WALKING DISTANCE by your place, grab some appetizers to nibble, making sure you nibble light and she doesn’t slam down the food. ¬†Then you have maybe 1 drink and nibble the food and say, “Hey, let’s go check out this other place.” Make sure you get a doggy bag for the food and take it with you. On the way to the next place, you say, “I don’t want to carry this around all night… ¬†I’m gonna drop this in my fridge real fast.”

Then you walk with her to your place, and assuming things are going ok and she actually likes you, she comes in with you. ¬†First thing you do is put the food in the fridge, pour her a glass of wine and yourself, NOT FULL, just like half a glass so it doesn’t seem like you are pre-planning this, but at the same time it’s enough where she will have to take a minute to drink it, then start chatting. ¬†You don’t have to get right on top of her shit, you can sit a few feet away at first, and, AS ALWAYS, make sure that she is hopefully sitting somewhere positioned where she can EASILY get to the door and YOU ARE NOT BLOCKING her path. ¬†Why? ¬†Because subconsciously this sends a message to her that you’re the safe, cool, not needy guy you are, and that you are SAFE. ¬†You want a girl to be and feel safe at all times, even in the subtlest ways, because a guy who gets plenty of ass and loves women would do most of these thing unconsciously. ¬†That’s why women love him… ūüėČ

Then you can escalate.

2. ¬†Dinner at your place – You make her DINNER. ¬†For me, this usually means going classy style. ¬†Sure, you can cook some bullshit and it can do the trick, but honestly there was something I heard on a Joe Rogan Podcast (if anyone knows about the specifics of that podcast like which one it is, feel free to let me know in the comments) where these guys talked about how if you feed a woman certain things that it can release certain feelings in her like, “Wow, this food is so amazing that life must be abundant, safe, awesome, fantastic – I can relax and breed.” ¬†In that case the guy talked about making some home made ice cream that was really rich – maybe paleo with a lot of creme or butter or something, I can’t recall.

But in MY case, I like to approach this from multiple sides. ¬†A. ¬†I will make her cocktails if I can, or have red wine if you’re not that creative or feeling lazy. ¬†Not white wine. ¬†White wine reminds women of brunch or hanging out with their friends. ¬†Red wine is seductive, has a nice warm buzz, and is associated with romance and sex and being naughty. ¬†But if you have cocktail skills, like I do, then you can REALLY wow her and make some badass, classy cocktails. I like something like an Espresso Martini, or maybe an Old Fashioned, or if it’s winter you can get her really wet and make a Blue Blazer. ¬†Basically something she can sip on and enjoy, not shots or bullshit party drinks. ¬†Yes, you can make her margaritas or some nonsense but you’re not hanging out with some sloppy club slut and getting ready to do lines of coke.. ¬†I mean if you are then that’s a completely different style of game, and this whole post is irrelevant. ¬†But if you are a classy, seductive guy then … ¬†keep it classy.

Then B. Have her help you cook. ¬†Don’t have her just sitting there like you’re her servant and she’s waiting to see how you can impress her. ¬†You’re going to impress her anyway. ¬†I like to make Carbonara. ¬†I might have her cut garlic or bacon or something. ¬†Pretend it’s like you’re on a cooking show. ¬†Have fun with it. ¬†Correct her. “Cut the bacon a bit smaller/larger. ¬†Wait, you have to slice the garlic like ‘this’.” ¬†But do it in an interactive, light hearted, fun way. Think James Bond.

C. ¬†Again, I like to make Carbonara because it seems to have that effect. ¬†All that cream, and cheese and pasta and bacon are¬†going to go right to her brain and announce to her body, “Holy shit. ¬†Life is AMAZING. ¬†We are safe. ¬†We are in the perfect position to rest, relax and even mate. ¬†Let’s do it!” ¬†All that goodness is going to release the itis and if you are escalating while you have been cooking and even eating, but not all hardcore or sloppy like, she will be DTF or at least get the heavy fool around going down.

Ok, enough about food. ¬†PS. I don’t recommend LEARNING how to escalate or close the deal by practicing with food dates. ¬†Newer guys will most likely be a bit clumsy to deal with all the details.

Out on the Town:

Now then if you’re out and about and not doing the dinner thing.¬† Bounce to 2 places ONLY.¬† GO NEAR YOUR PLACE!!!!¬† Nope, seriously.¬† It’s easier.¬† Yes you can close at random places but why make it hard on yourself? ¬†Choose a place that is moderately busy but with some people. ¬†DON’T pick a very busy place. ¬†Keep the distractions to a minimum

Venue 1 – Drink 1 Drink ONLY.¬† Do not get seconds.¬† If she goes to order a second drink then politely cut her off and suggest, “Actually let’s get a drink somewhere else.¬† There’s this other cool place I wanna check out.”

Venue 2 – Drink maybe two at the most.¬† Do not let her get too many drinks in her.¬† Trust me.¬† If you can keep it low then you’re good to go.¬† I recently had a day2 where the chick had too much wine and from 1 bar to the next she INSTANTLY went from Liking me A LOT, kissing, sexual fun vibe, to BITCH because she was an angry drunk.¬† ¬†That reminds me:¬† DO NOT SIT AT THE BAR.

Read that again.


Find a booth or a nice quiet little table.  Get intimate and private.  No distractions.  .

Ya (guys may argue with this but that’s because they’re trying to sound cool) the problems associated with sitting at the bar are…

Distractions from TV
Distractions from girls
Distractions from guys
Distractions from couples
Distractions from Bartenders
If she is a shit tester she may try to get the bartender to side with her during a debate – Guy or Girl bartender will most likely side with her just because…
She may feel more uncomfortable kinoing or getting a sexual vibe going at the bar.

PS – My day 2 game is AMAZING.¬† I feel than almost any chick I get out with me will end up naked in my bed.¬† NOW there are always exceptions to this rule but I have a high consistency rate because I am always learning from every little tiny mistake or contingency that takes place…¬† So the point is that YES you can be cool and do all this stuff however you want but I am trying to make things EAZY to get to point A to point F.

So make it easier.¬† After Venue 2 head to venue 3…¬† (by the way this is easier if you are walking the who time, not driving) but on the way to this imaginary venue 3 make up an excuse you need to stop at your place.

Restroom and the bar’s is gross…
maybe you do order a little food and don’t want to carry the box around all night. (like we mentioned above)

Make it light and make it random.

Have wine on hand or some other alcohol.¬† music is good too.¬† “i’ll be just a minute…¬† Want some wine?”

If she’s there she’s on but it’s still up to you.¬† You have to play cool.

Push and pull and vibe her.  If you get close and are touching and the sexual tension is hot and she gets a little uncomfortable, pull away and move away from her nonchalantly.  You should actually be push-pulling kino from the get go of the entire day2.

Let me see if I can break down my day 2 game in a very basic form:

Talk, Talk, Touch, Grope, Talk, Talk, More Groping, Talk about Groping and Touching, Tell her I like her and WHY (the most important part, but the part so easy to forget – “You know why I like you? Because not only are you incredibly sexy but you (mention things you like about her personality), more groping (when I say groping I mean groping. Legs, stomach, back, ass, boobs, yes all in public and blatant. For a buffer you can always entrap her into starting it if you get the opportunity i.e. She goes to put her arm around your back and on the way brushes your ass. You say, “You trying to grab my ass?” She will probably protest. You say, “No it’s ok, Go ahead.” with a smile. Once she does it, it’s game on.) Talking is a buffer for you to touch her. I didn’t get this for such a long time. The key is getting over your fear of touching her and just going. I EVEN get my hands pushed away several times on date. I used to think that was bad. It’s NOT.

Pitfall and Contingency: 

I forgot to mention I do tend to overuse preselection in my talking. Preselection is powerful shit. If you thread your stories with adventures of you and other girls she will know you’re a sexy guy it’s ok to get down with. Of course, like anything, it can be overused. On last nights date I came up with the PERFECT way to reframe once she calls me on it. What I’m saying is, I want to thread myself as a guy who gets action and dates alot. ONCE a chick starts to like you she will say something like, “I don’t want to hear about all these other girls.” So last night I said, “Good. I’m glad it took you this long to actually say that, because I had to make sure you weren’t going to be one of those creepy, jealous, cling-on chicks. It took you a while to call me out on talking about other girls so that’s good.” And then you do not have to do preselection stories anymore. She knows you’re a hot stud. ūüėȬ†Now kiss her on her face and put your arms around her and grab her ass with both hands.

I feel like I want to elaborate on getting my hands pushed away AND it being ok. Mostly experienced guys can skip this. This part is for newer guys. If she is OBVIOUSLY not happy when you touch her and she is pushing your hands away like, “get off me creep.” then, in that case it is NOT ok to keep touching her, but most likely she will leave anyway. If she does like it she may still give you shit but she’ll probably be smiling when she removes my hand from her boob, call me bad (i love to hear this) or at the very least she will have an unemotional, straight face and say something more aggressive like, “You sure touch alot.” HERE’S the screen I’m looking for. IF she says she doesn’t like it when guys touch her – she means she’s doesn’t like it when YOU touch her. Say, “that’s too bad cuz I love touching.” And if she has a problem with it, well in this case it’s ok to use the term NEXT. ¬†Why waste time on the Mic? But also this is a good way to learn to fractionate a little when you first start touching her.

This is my little scrum of thoughts on a good day2. ¬†By no means in this a complete guide but, perhaps, it will help you to fill in some holes you may have. ¬†Maybe newer guys will hurt their head a little reading this but for you guys who have been out there, I’m pretty sure a lot of these things will make sense to you.

Good luck!

I Miss You Mr Poop

In Chicago today beautiful outside. ¬†It’s still a little chilly, but it’s sunny, people are out having fun, playing, living life and… ¬†Some are walking their dogs.

I just threw a little fit. ¬†Days like this are hard for me. ¬†I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because I don’t know who to turn to, talk to, or where I can vent. ¬†So I turned to my blog.

The thing is, Mr Poop, my best buddy probably ever, was put down by yours truly a couple years back. ¬†I wrote about it in the article “Try Not to Bite me Mr Poop” which was me trying to figure out what to do.¬† I took him in one day, took him to McDonald’s and gave him a couple cheeseburgers. ¬†He ate them excitedly without knowing that would be his last meal. ¬†I took him to the place where they put dogs down in Chicago, the Anti-Cruelty Society. ¬†Funny name for a place that will allow you to take your dog there and have him put to death for free.

But Poop was either Senile of fucked up because he was blind and scared and angry because of it.  I tried for months to deal with it.  I went through 3 bites from him, hard bites.  It was SO fucking hard because he had moments where he was his sweet, old self, and other moments where, out of the blue, he would get pissed off, start growling, and he would lunge or bite or snap.

I’m a barbarian motherfucker. ¬†Let’s face it. ¬†You hurt me, I hurt back. ¬†And I was getting scared because I would get so fucking mean to him back I would literally beat the piss out of him. ¬†Literally. ¬†I fucking scared the shit out of myself a few times thinking I was going to kill him.

I didn’t want to kill him, but I was going to kill him if I didn’t kill him. ¬†What kind of fucking bullshit life choice is that? ¬†This was my best friend ever. ¬†He was sweet, old, scared and I was the one who was supposed to protect him. ¬†I was the one who was supposed to give him love and make him feel safe.

But I betrayed him.

I killed him anyway.

I watched the life drain out of him right in front of me. ¬†This was my “protection” that I gave to that innocent fucking angel of a dog.

And to make matters worse I tried to work my ass off to make ends meet for the last 2 or 3 years of his life.  What did that do?  I worked for that MOTHERFUCKING STUPID Real Estate piece of shit job, and my Poor fucking Mr Poop was locked up in my fucking studio apartment during the summer months when I should have been there, walking him outside, doing fun things with him, giving him love.

But all I did was work work work work work, and left that poor little guy alone most of the time in his last days. ¬†What the fuck is wrong with me? ¬†Fuck work. ¬†Fuck that shit! ¬†I can’t go back and do it all over again and it tortures me. ¬†I fucked up and I can’t fix it.

So right now, I see someone walking their dog and I feel sad as fuck. ¬†Now he’s gone and all I want is another chance.

If you are reading this, and you have a dog, and you treat him like shit. . . You neglect him. ¬†FUCK YOU you piece of shit. ¬†That dog has a life, has feelings, needs fucking love. ¬†It’s relying on YOU to provide that.

Thank God, I was always able to feed him. ¬†That’s once consolation, I tell myself. ¬†Another is that at least he had a decent place to stay. ¬†But who wants to be alone all the fucking time? ¬†I just want to hug him again.

God I’ve dealt with so much fucking death in my life. ¬†3 Dogs I loved dearly, walking into my father’s house one morning to find him purple faced and dead in his bed, death, death, death fucking everywhere.

I am RELYING on a heaven. ¬†I am RELYING that there is an afterlife and I am RELYING that I can see my loved ones again and hold them and hug them and tell them I’m sorry I was a fucking piece of shit and wasn’t there for them when they needed me. ¬†That’s if, of course, I rate and make it in there.

Meanwhile I don’t know what to do. ¬†I feel sad inside sometimes when I think about all this stuff. ¬†The father who Died 3 days after he had a business deal that he worked on for a couple years, the one that was going to set him up for retirement, fell through.

What did I do?  I should have stayed there with him but I had a particularly bitchy girlfriend at the time, and she wanted me to go hang out with her and her shitty friends for Valentines day.

I did that.  I went with her.  And the last time I spoke to my father was through Nextel where he was drunk, asked me to come home and get him some food.  I told him I loved him and I would see him tomorrow.

I did see him tomorrow – he was dead.

And then when I was 14 or 15 and I let my Dog Belvedere outside to go to the bathroom. ¬†I was listening to Beastie Boys loud on the stereo, and I kept calling my dog after a few minutes, but he wasn’t coming back. ¬†He had a tendency to be an alpha motherfucker and would go on long walkabouts. ¬†I think he was gone for 2 weeks once, and finally we found him all beat up, but walking tall with a female dog following him.

But this time, when I thought he was maybe doing the same thing, he actually has slipped into our in-ground pool. ¬†I was the only one home. ¬†I didn’t hear him. ¬†But imagine when I went outside looking for him and calling for him and I just so happened to glance in the pool and see him floating there. ¬†I pulled him out as fast as I could. ¬†He wasn’t breathing.

I called 911 and asked them how I could get him breathing again. ¬†Frantic and in tears I didn’t believe he was dead. ¬†I couldn’t believe it.

And there was Poor Socrates. ¬†I think he lived a long life. ¬†I wont get into the specifics but also, I watched him die right in front of me and that’s another situation I blame myself for.

Ok no, fuck it. ¬†You can think I’m horrible because I do. ¬†He was pissing all over. ¬†I got mad and wanted to punish him because he was supposed to know better.

I beat him with a phone book. ¬†I didn’t think it was that hard. ¬†But all of a sudden a couple minutes later he started walking funny, his back legs seemed to stop working, and he died. ¬†So ya. ¬†That was me. ¬†I think I killed him, maybe gave him a heart attack.

My dad was still alive at the time. ¬†He was in the room when it happened. ¬†Said it wasn’t my fault.

Bullshit.  It was my fault.  I gave the poor guy a heart attack and killed him.  Maybe he was peeing because he was already feeling sick, you know, like losing control of his bodily functions.

Christ, I would ask for forgiveness but how can I ask when I can’t even forgive myself.

My dad and my dogs. I blame myself for all of them being dead.  In every case I should have been better.  I should have been there to rescue Belvedere.  I can imagine him waiting for me to pull him out of the pool like we would when he jumped in when we were swimming.  And I failed him.

My dad, all alone during one of the most crushing defeats of his career.  Instead of being there for him I left him all alone.  Mr Poop, same thing Р no wonder he went senile.

I try to tell myself things like, “At least I was there for my dad during his last days. ¬†At least the last words I said to him were, “I love you.”

At least Mr Poop, for the most part, had a pretty awesome life. ¬†He was with my dad on LONG car rides every day until my father passed away, where they would go to the lake, go to the waterfall near our home, go for walks, he was spoiled. ¬†And even when I had him we went to Key West, did long walks there, lived in Ferndale – ya, you know what? ¬†I could have been better, but I didn’t totally neglect him.

Most of the time I would come home and the FIRST thing I would do is grab him, slam him on the bed playfully (he loved it) and rub his belly, hug him, kiss him, squish his face. ¬†Even in Chicago I would at least get him out when I could. ¬†He had plenty of sunlight in the studio apartment, and I think he was old enough where he may not have cared as much that he slept alot. ¬†However, that’s no excuse. ¬†I should have been there alot more for him.

Belvedere lived the life of a badass, but it was cut short.  He got laid, he kicked other dogs asses, he played with us, and had a lot of fun.  But again, I let him down in the worst way possible.

Socrates. ¬†He had a good life too, I think he was just spoiled. ¬†He was chill and relaxed and lived a good life, riding in a Model T at parades with my dad, long car rides, etc… ¬†But dammit he didn’t deserve to go the way he did.

I dug his grave.  I buried him.  I sat next to his grave and cried and cried and cried.

How many graves?  How many deaths?  How many times does my heart have to break and be filled with guilt that I failed?

So today I vent. ¬†Mr Poop’s end was not a happy one. ¬†On this blog one of the most popular articles was about Mr Poop.

Today, I was reminded of him a couple times.

And now… ¬†Sometimes I just hope I live a good enough life to see them all again.