Down in the dumps… My bitchy ranty post?

I can’t even flirt today…  This is where I do some stream of consciousness writing to ask myself, “Me?  What’s going on?”  That’s the question.  Now I will just write and not even really pay attention to what I write and get it out. For the record there are 2 cute girls to my left in this coffeeshop but I’m talking to them and, they even talked to me and engaged me a couple times, and I can’t get out of dry conversation.  I have no money and this job that hired me, just seems to be taking forever to start up.  I have taken to sending out resumes again just today to see if any other places need someone.  Not that I’m going to quit the other place, I plan on staying but they aren’t open so…  Well now would be a good time to have some fucking money in my pocket.

Graaaah.  So talk about dilemmas.  Here we go; I l already know the answer but I wanna see it written down and solidified.  If 2 cute girls are showing curiosity and interest in me, and I’m stuck in my head with this feeling of…  Droll, dumb, dry and non challenging or fun conversation…  Ronnie, What’s going on?

——————

Dude, money?  Talk about frustrating.  So there’s a difference between being broke and being completely fucking broke.  When I am broke but have enough money to spend on little things, dating is actually pretty cool.  I can do well.  But right now I can’t even afford to go out by myself, let alone meet some girl and take her out.  Short of meeting some girl and pulling her to my place immediately, I really ….

Here’s the thing.  It’s one thing when I feel like I have some exciting shit going on in my life and I am actually living it.  But I am in this broke fucking state right now.  I get girls who I text with and the texts are even funny and entertaining and I am sure I could have these girls out with me, but then I don’t ask them out.  Why?  Anyway, I need to figure out how to get money in my pocket.

I get it.  Sticking to my guns is important, and I don’t fucking plan on selling out.  I need to follow my dreams of opening my own bar and I am getting to the age where if I don’t follow through now, I never will follow through.  So the time is now.  Establish.  Get involved.  But I’m 38 and I never thought, when I was young, that I would be this broke fucker struggling with painfully difficult sleep issues at this age.

No one tells you when you’re young, “So guess what?  You’re gonna deal with a fucked up sleep disease for years when you’re older where it will debilitate the fuck out of your life.  No.  Really.  You’re going to have days where you know people are out enjoying life and you’re going to be too much of a zombie to even get out of bed, or do anything besides play videogames or watch movies that you’re too tired to even pay attention to.  So you’ll just kind of veg out all day, eat and try to sleep in some painfully scary situation where it seems like the fact that you are SO fucking tired makes it, actually, more difficult to get to sleep.

Then you’re going to wake up, and have to sit there and wonder to yourself if you can push through the next day or if in about 30 minutes you’re going to realize that you didn’t get enough sleep and your eyes, your head, your mind and pretty much the rest of you are gonna feel like shit.  Man, and then there’s the battle of getting back to sleep, or sometimes, not where you lay there for an hour or two and slowly fall asleep, battling with trying…

Man, fuck this.  I am not going to be old this fucking fast.  I am not going to have some major issue like this at this point in my life.  I will conquer this.  But how?  I want to live my life.  I need to get a fucking job and I need to make sure it’s doing what  I love.

Why such an emphasis in doing what I love?  Because I have had enough pain in my life.  I ….

So Jesus Christ, Surprise, Surprise, Surprise…

This is how life works.

Check this out…

As I’m feeling like shit and bitching and whining to you what do you think happened?

Take a wild guess.  Don’t fucking cheat!

So my phone rang just a minute ago..  I had just put up a couple ads on craigslist trying to sell a couple things I have.  I didn’t recognize the number so I picked it up.

“Hi, Ronnie…?” The female voice on the other end said.

“Ya, this is,” I replied.

“This is ——- from ——— Bar.  Do you wanna work Sunday?  We’re gonna be open.”

Of fucking COURSE!  I didn’t say that, of fucking course, but the jist of it is..  It’s GO TIME.  That’s right.  My new bar is gonna be open this Sunday and they want me to work… Nice!

So here we go.  It’s been a while but I’m ready to do this.  Let’s make it happen!

Interesting how things change at the drop of a hat.  Sometimes I just need to make sure I follow my own advice and remind myself of the Taoist Farmer Story.

Anyway, ladies and gents.  It’s Go Time!

Sidecar:

Wanna celebrate with me?  Well how does a broke ass Libra celebrate a victory such as this?  Besides sex.  I’ll get to that soon enough.  Let me get the money thing straightened out and then we can get back to seduction.  Cool?  😉

By watching Kung Fu, of course.

Here’s one of my favorites of all times.  It’s a little love story, no really.  It’s got action, comedy, romance, bromance, evil wizards, monsters, alcoholism and all sorts of shit all wrapped up into one.

I DARE YOU to watch it for 10 minutes and see if you don’t get sucked in.  Seriously.

Advertisements