Day2 Scrum – Dating How-To Mini Guide for Men

This is a scrum of ideas I posted once, and is more based on a guy who already has a decent skillset, is getting dates, knows all the basics, but is having some trouble when it comes to converting Day2s into a close.  If you are looking for a complete date guide this might not be for you.  There are plenty of guides and sources out there you can learn the basics from.  Sometimes we gotta step things up for the guys who are maybe a tiny bit more on the experienced side.

First of all, let’s get right into the basics – NO DINNER!!!!

It becomes too much of an interview.  Food makes people tired.  You will become the next guy who took her out to eat.  I have heard several women tell me they will go out with a guy at least once to get a ‘Free Meal’ even if they’re not sure they like you.

So NIX the food for the most part, unless you want to save a few bucks and do a Byob!  In that case make sure you make it clear to her, “I’m not really that hungry but I could nibble on something.  Let’s go get an app to share.”  or something like that.  Don’t make FOOD the central theme.

I’m telling you.  The times I spend the most money are the times I DO NOT get laid.  You have to be careful with some girls.  They will eat and drink and want you to spend your money and get mad if you don’t.

There is one time that comes to mind that a girl got pissed because she offered to pay and I let her but if you got a chick like that, who fucking cares.  You want her to want you, not want what you can pay for.

But BALANCE this.  Don’t be a stingy, cheapass either.  It’s tough sometimes, but it takes social calibration.  If you invite someone out to drinks it doesn’t make sense to say, “I just invited you here to drink but now you have to pay for your own shit.”

It’s like my friend in Highschool who would had a car and would call me and say, “hey man, I’m going to ‘such and such’ a place.  You should come with me!” and then once we were rolling he would ask for Gas Money.

Girls talk about everything!  They will talk to you with their friends and people whom you’ve never met and if you come across as a cheap ass to even one of those friends you’re done.

FOOD Exceptions:

The 2 exceptions that come to mind that involve day2s and Food or Dinner are as follows:

1.  You can meet a girl to a bar WALKING DISTANCE by your place, grab some appetizers to nibble, making sure you nibble light and she doesn’t slam down the food.  Then you have maybe 1 drink and nibble the food and say, “Hey, let’s go check out this other place.” Make sure you get a doggy bag for the food and take it with you. On the way to the next place, you say, “I don’t want to carry this around all night…  I’m gonna drop this in my fridge real fast.”

Then you walk with her to your place, and assuming things are going ok and she actually likes you, she comes in with you.  First thing you do is put the food in the fridge, pour her a glass of wine and yourself, NOT FULL, just like half a glass so it doesn’t seem like you are pre-planning this, but at the same time it’s enough where she will have to take a minute to drink it, then start chatting.  You don’t have to get right on top of her shit, you can sit a few feet away at first, and, AS ALWAYS, make sure that she is hopefully sitting somewhere positioned where she can EASILY get to the door and YOU ARE NOT BLOCKING her path.  Why?  Because subconsciously this sends a message to her that you’re the safe, cool, not needy guy you are, and that you are SAFE.  You want a girl to be and feel safe at all times, even in the subtlest ways, because a guy who gets plenty of ass and loves women would do most of these thing unconsciously.  That’s why women love him… 😉

Then you can escalate.

2.  Dinner at your place – You make her DINNER.  For me, this usually means going classy style.  Sure, you can cook some bullshit and it can do the trick, but honestly there was something I heard on a Joe Rogan Podcast (if anyone knows about the specifics of that podcast like which one it is, feel free to let me know in the comments) where these guys talked about how if you feed a woman certain things that it can release certain feelings in her like, “Wow, this food is so amazing that life must be abundant, safe, awesome, fantastic – I can relax and breed.”  In that case the guy talked about making some home made ice cream that was really rich – maybe paleo with a lot of creme or butter or something, I can’t recall.

But in MY case, I like to approach this from multiple sides.  A.  I will make her cocktails if I can, or have red wine if you’re not that creative or feeling lazy.  Not white wine.  White wine reminds women of brunch or hanging out with their friends.  Red wine is seductive, has a nice warm buzz, and is associated with romance and sex and being naughty.  But if you have cocktail skills, like I do, then you can REALLY wow her and make some badass, classy cocktails. I like something like an Espresso Martini, or maybe an Old Fashioned, or if it’s winter you can get her really wet and make a Blue Blazer.  Basically something she can sip on and enjoy, not shots or bullshit party drinks.  Yes, you can make her margaritas or some nonsense but you’re not hanging out with some sloppy club slut and getting ready to do lines of coke..  I mean if you are then that’s a completely different style of game, and this whole post is irrelevant.  But if you are a classy, seductive guy then …  keep it classy.

Then B. Have her help you cook.  Don’t have her just sitting there like you’re her servant and she’s waiting to see how you can impress her.  You’re going to impress her anyway.  I like to make Carbonara.  I might have her cut garlic or bacon or something.  Pretend it’s like you’re on a cooking show.  Have fun with it.  Correct her. “Cut the bacon a bit smaller/larger.  Wait, you have to slice the garlic like ‘this’.”  But do it in an interactive, light hearted, fun way. Think James Bond.

C.  Again, I like to make Carbonara because it seems to have that effect.  All that cream, and cheese and pasta and bacon are going to go right to her brain and announce to her body, “Holy shit.  Life is AMAZING.  We are safe.  We are in the perfect position to rest, relax and even mate.  Let’s do it!”  All that goodness is going to release the itis and if you are escalating while you have been cooking and even eating, but not all hardcore or sloppy like, she will be DTF or at least get the heavy fool around going down.

Ok, enough about food.  PS. I don’t recommend LEARNING how to escalate or close the deal by practicing with food dates.  Newer guys will most likely be a bit clumsy to deal with all the details.

Out on the Town:

Now then if you’re out and about and not doing the dinner thing.  Bounce to 2 places ONLY.  GO NEAR YOUR PLACE!!!!  Nope, seriously.  It’s easier.  Yes you can close at random places but why make it hard on yourself?  Choose a place that is moderately busy but with some people.  DON’T pick a very busy place.  Keep the distractions to a minimum

Venue 1 – Drink 1 Drink ONLY.  Do not get seconds.  If she goes to order a second drink then politely cut her off and suggest, “Actually let’s get a drink somewhere else.  There’s this other cool place I wanna check out.”

Venue 2 – Drink maybe two at the most.  Do not let her get too many drinks in her.  Trust me.  If you can keep it low then you’re good to go.  I recently had a day2 where the chick had too much wine and from 1 bar to the next she INSTANTLY went from Liking me A LOT, kissing, sexual fun vibe, to BITCH because she was an angry drunk.   That reminds me:  DO NOT SIT AT THE BAR.

Read that again.

DO NOT SIT AT THE BAR.

Find a booth or a nice quiet little table.  Get intimate and private.  No distractions.  .

Ya (guys may argue with this but that’s because they’re trying to sound cool) the problems associated with sitting at the bar are…

Distractions from TV
Distractions from girls
Distractions from guys
Distractions from couples
Distractions from Bartenders
If she is a shit tester she may try to get the bartender to side with her during a debate – Guy or Girl bartender will most likely side with her just because…
She may feel more uncomfortable kinoing or getting a sexual vibe going at the bar.

PS – My day 2 game is AMAZING.  I feel than almost any chick I get out with me will end up naked in my bed.  NOW there are always exceptions to this rule but I have a high consistency rate because I am always learning from every little tiny mistake or contingency that takes place…  So the point is that YES you can be cool and do all this stuff however you want but I am trying to make things EAZY to get to point A to point F.

So make it easier.  After Venue 2 head to venue 3…  (by the way this is easier if you are walking the who time, not driving) but on the way to this imaginary venue 3 make up an excuse you need to stop at your place.

Restroom and the bar’s is gross…
maybe you do order a little food and don’t want to carry the box around all night. (like we mentioned above)

Make it light and make it random.

Have wine on hand or some other alcohol.  music is good too.  “i’ll be just a minute…  Want some wine?”

If she’s there she’s on but it’s still up to you.  You have to play cool.

Push and pull and vibe her.  If you get close and are touching and the sexual tension is hot and she gets a little uncomfortable, pull away and move away from her nonchalantly.  You should actually be push-pulling kino from the get go of the entire day2.

Let me see if I can break down my day 2 game in a very basic form:

Talk, Talk, Touch, Grope, Talk, Talk, More Groping, Talk about Groping and Touching, Tell her I like her and WHY (the most important part, but the part so easy to forget – “You know why I like you? Because not only are you incredibly sexy but you (mention things you like about her personality), more groping (when I say groping I mean groping. Legs, stomach, back, ass, boobs, yes all in public and blatant. For a buffer you can always entrap her into starting it if you get the opportunity i.e. She goes to put her arm around your back and on the way brushes your ass. You say, “You trying to grab my ass?” She will probably protest. You say, “No it’s ok, Go ahead.” with a smile. Once she does it, it’s game on.) Talking is a buffer for you to touch her. I didn’t get this for such a long time. The key is getting over your fear of touching her and just going. I EVEN get my hands pushed away several times on date. I used to think that was bad. It’s NOT.

Pitfall and Contingency: 

I forgot to mention I do tend to overuse preselection in my talking. Preselection is powerful shit. If you thread your stories with adventures of you and other girls she will know you’re a sexy guy it’s ok to get down with. Of course, like anything, it can be overused. On last nights date I came up with the PERFECT way to reframe once she calls me on it. What I’m saying is, I want to thread myself as a guy who gets action and dates alot. ONCE a chick starts to like you she will say something like, “I don’t want to hear about all these other girls.” So last night I said, “Good. I’m glad it took you this long to actually say that, because I had to make sure you weren’t going to be one of those creepy, jealous, cling-on chicks. It took you a while to call me out on talking about other girls so that’s good.” And then you do not have to do preselection stories anymore. She knows you’re a hot stud. 😉 Now kiss her on her face and put your arms around her and grab her ass with both hands.

I feel like I want to elaborate on getting my hands pushed away AND it being ok. Mostly experienced guys can skip this. This part is for newer guys. If she is OBVIOUSLY not happy when you touch her and she is pushing your hands away like, “get off me creep.” then, in that case it is NOT ok to keep touching her, but most likely she will leave anyway. If she does like it she may still give you shit but she’ll probably be smiling when she removes my hand from her boob, call me bad (i love to hear this) or at the very least she will have an unemotional, straight face and say something more aggressive like, “You sure touch alot.” HERE’S the screen I’m looking for. IF she says she doesn’t like it when guys touch her – she means she’s doesn’t like it when YOU touch her. Say, “that’s too bad cuz I love touching.” And if she has a problem with it, well in this case it’s ok to use the term NEXT.  Why waste time on the Mic? But also this is a good way to learn to fractionate a little when you first start touching her.

This is my little scrum of thoughts on a good day2.  By no means in this a complete guide but, perhaps, it will help you to fill in some holes you may have.  Maybe newer guys will hurt their head a little reading this but for you guys who have been out there, I’m pretty sure a lot of these things will make sense to you.

Good luck!

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LR: HB Creole Legs

Ok, I’m a little tired today so let’s see if I can do this.  I’m going to try and cut out a lot of the meat and get to my points.

1.  I opened direct, but not what people consider direct, which is really not direct but a canned line, “Hey, I thought you were cute and I just wanted to meet you.”  I did more like what David X would say to do and whatever you like about her, you tell her, and that means EXACTLY what you think, not padded or soft. INTENT from the get go.

2.  Combined element of and INTENTION (different from intent) and Synchrodestiny.  This was a little different than how I would usually play the game but it worked fabulously.  I have been meaning and meaning and meaning to write a post on this but it hasn’t happened yet.  I will soon.  Basically the idea is stuff that people like Deepak Chopra, and Wayne Dyer teach.  That is, also, what I have been teaching people like Boom! and Jawsome (students) a little.  It kind of just came out in my most recent bootcamps, but it has seemed to be really powerful.  That is, you got up today with the INTENTION of talking to women.  So every woman you see is actually there for you to talk to.  It is LIFE giving you a GIFT.  It is NOT accidental that you decided to go meet women, and that you see a woman you like, and that your mind is telling you to talk to her.  It is ALL the NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS.  If you don’t approach you are slapping life in the face.  That’s a VERY basic run down, I will get into details later when I write the thread.

So, I was walking around near my place in a nice little neighborhood that I like to frequent, and I noticed walked into a second hand clothing store because, well 90% of those shops are women’s clothing and women love second hand clothing.  I saw this 2 set of black girls near the checkout, one was sitting on a bench and the other was talking to her.  The one sitting – I saw her legs and I was fucking immediately horny.  YUMMY!  She was also, IMO fucking way attractive, despite the fact that she wasn’t even dressed up.  She was wearing shorts and a sweat top.  I wanted to approach, but my brain reflected on something Johnny Walker once talked with me about.

We were in a diner in Lakeview and I saw a 2 set there in a booth who I told Johnny I was going to approach.  He said something to the effect that it was the wrong place and the wrong time.  It was an awkward situation, and that the girls would most likely not be receptive.  Then he made the point clear, which was, “Guys are always trying to open the difficult sets. Then they get rejected.  Then they keep doing it and keep getting rejected and they start to create a pattern of failure in their minds instead of thinking that it has to do with just repeating the same mistake over and over.”  This is far different from, “Advanced openeing blah blah” or whatever.  This is more to the point of, pick your battles wisely.

To me, that was a great lesson but I added something to it this time.  Intention and synchrodestiny.  In my mind I knew that 2 girls, In a store, NEAR the girls working the checkout.  That would be a LOT of pressure.  So, I thought to myself, “I am going to go back to my car and get my phone, which I forgot anyway.  Assuming that I am out and I am SUPPOSED to meet her, that she is actually there because of my intention, then when I come back I will meet her.”

And that’s what I did.  And when I was walking back, who did I happen to pass on the sidewalk?  The  two black girls.  And I opened immediately with, “I had to tell you your legs are fucking amazing!”

She got a big smile on her face immediately.  We started chatting.  Her friend only gave me a little shit but warmed up to me immediately after some light banter.

I made my intentions known, that I wanted to take this girl out.  But there was a lot of banter immediately with these two girls.  I was talking about how I was going to go work out, HBCreole Legs was talking about how she hadn’t worked out in 3 weeks but that she wanted to get on team skinny.  I told her how I could work out like a horse and no matter if I lost every ounce of fat on my body I’d probably be a big, stocky guy.

And she shot back, “uhhh…  You’re not that big.  I mean, maybe in your mind you are but ummmm…”  She was negging me so to speak.

I told her I could take her, called her short (she was pretty much 1 inch shorter than me) and then her friend got involved and had us stand back to back to see who was taller.  So banter was established pretty early.

Then we walked after a few minutes, and her friend actually went to where she worked apparently and left us.  I said, “let’s go grab some tea.”  She was like, “fuck it.  Ok.”

So we went.  On with the banter and a tiny bit of kino but not like clubby like since it was daygame and we only knew each other for 10 minutes.  Very soon the banter was going how I like it, racist… Wink  Not really, but I have dated a few black girls, one for over a year.  Plus some of my best wings and friends in my life were black guys.  What you learn is, when you have a good heart and the other person knows it, the “racist” banter goes back and forth.  She was talking about white people this and that.  I think the first thing was something about these cops we saw and how she made a joke about how we had to run or something.  I said, “No, you’re with me.  I’m white.  You’re safe.”

She was making silly jokes about shit, I would come back.  I can’t remember them all but the 2 that stand out were when we could cross the street, I would say, “it’s safe to cross.  The WHITE guy just popped up.”  And in the tea shop I told her she should order a “Hot Chocolate” and elbowed her knowingly.  She said, “oh is that how it is?”

The girl behind the counter had a big smile on her face and asked us if we were comedians?  I said something about how, “You know when you’re little and your parents teach you, “think before you speak”?  Well I thought that was TERRIBLE advice so I just really don’t think at all, and the words just come out.

Anyway so on and on we went, walking around the town, going into a store here or there.  Banter kept going, but so did vibe and very soon sexual topics and kino started escalating.  Soon we were walking around broad daylight and she was telling me how she masturbated before she left the house that day, how she liked dildos, I grabbed her legs, was being aggressive.  Lots of push pull kino (fractionization) and soon I had my arm around her waste pulling her to me.  I could have kissed her but didn’t.

I was headed to the gym and had no intention of pulling.  But I did want to see her again.  This girl was HOT to me.

So, that being said, I eventually stopped the interaction, and tried a timebridge, to which she said she was busy.  But she texed my phone which was in my car.

So I pinged her a couple times over the weekend, just fun texts.  She would take along time to respond but whatever.  Yesterday I asked her to hang out.  We did.

I took her for one drink, J-Dub happened to be at the day 2 bounce location and he was cool.  We sat next to him and he talked to her a bit, and then eventually he left.  I let her finish her beer, but I seeded early the possibility of going to my place to “watch a movie”.

She said, “I know what “watch a movie” means and it never means watching a movie.”  I said for me it did.

But then I said, “well I could say come see my talking goldfish.”

By the way, escalation was pretty easy, like I said.  The stage was set already so it was just kinda natural at this point.  However that also means I was actively doing it.  I did do constant kino and “let’s see if you fit” just because it kinda seems trademark at this point.  But straight to my place, straight to my bedroom, and straight to watching 300 part II.

And I was kissing her all over, and eventually…  I mean HOLY MOTHER OF GOD this girl was fucking BEAUTIFUL naked. She was trying not to let me make her cum but too bad for her.  I won…  She was like, “fuck!  I just came.  What just happened?”  It was cute.

I’m really tired today so I’m writing this, but if anyone has specific questions feel free to ask.

RL

The Porn-Masturbation Connection – How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life and Make You Less of a Man

Alright, time to get back to serious after a little kickass house music yesterday (or was it the day before?)  I am starting a sort of case study (basically a new page) based on the concept that there are powers that be out in the world that DON’T want you having a healthy sex life, called, “They Don’t Want You to Get Laid.”  I haven’t made the page yet but it’s coming soon, and basically this will be one of the featured articles on the page.  I decided to reblog this, it’s about Masturbating to Porn and the many ways it can basically emasculate you and stop you from having a quality sex life. 

This originally appeared on the Harvard Crimson website. Here we go. ~RL

5Qs about Pornography with Dr. Donald L. Hilton, Jr. MD

Dr. Donald L. Hilton is a neurosurgeon at the University of Texas and delivered the annual “White Ribbon Against Pornography Week” lecture, sponsored by True Love Revolution.

By EMILY R. BRESLOW, CONTRIBUTING WRITER April 7, 2011

Fifteen Minutes: What are some of the challenges that come with the study of pornography?

Donald L. Hilton: A big one is the difficulty of finding a control group—few men have never seen porn. Also, because the topic is tied to ideological assumptions, people assume that if you show porn is bad, you must be a religious fanatic, making it hard to be taken seriously. Although, people are beginning to recognize it as a legitimate addiction.

FM: Tom Wolfe once said, “The bigger pornography gets, the lower the birthrate becomes.” Is there any truth in this?

DLH: Pornography emasculates men—they depend on porn to get sexually excited and can no longer get off by having sex with their women alone. What happens when you are addicted to porn is that you crave it. Real sex even becomes a poor substitute for porn, and you lose interest. This in turn contributes to the decreased fertility rate—making porn a kind of environmentally friendly population control. Although, the benefits gained from population control are vastly outweighed by the damage addiction does to families and individuals.

FM: When a species is endangered, scientists often look for environmental reasons. You claim that porn is causing the endangerment of the “real man”: what do you mean by this, and what are the environmental causes?

DLH: What it means to be a real man varies across time and space: for example, growing up in Southeast Texas it meant playing football, but for many it means to provide for your family and to be a caring husband. When you are addicted you can’t help but feed your addiction at the expense of everyone around you. Porn is fast, cheap, and easy—three things that emotionally involved copulations with a partner are not, so men are foregoing the latter for the former.

FM: What is going on neurologically in someone who is addicted to pornography?

DLH: What we see in people addicted to porn is the same as what we see with people addicted to drugs such as cocaine, supporting the theory that addiction to porn really is an addiction, and not merely a bad habit. The most significant areas of change are in the control and pleasure centers of the brain. Additionally, when we orgasm, we release a neurotransmitter called oxytocin which causes bonding, so we are literally bonding to porn when we use it to get off—making breaking the addiction that much harder.

FM: How widespread is porn use?

DLH: Over the past five years, the world pornography revenue was $97 billion annually. Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. The only reason these numbers aren’t higher is because so much porn is available for free! Every second 28,258 internet users are viewing porn. Eighty-seven percent of college men and 31 percent of college women admit to watching porn. Twenty percent of college men watch porn daily—suggesting a possible addiction. Porn is used more by men than women because men have the ability to engage more quickly, and more porn is geared toward men than women.

You can find the original article by clicking here.

Questions, comments?  Maybe you had an experience dealing with this kind of thing and you had a breakthrough that you think might help others.  Feel free to let it out!

Until next time…