Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup

Hey there, I just wanted to introduce you to a long time friend and great wingman of mine named Peter Grimm.  He recently wrote a great post filled with some basic as well as advanced concepts.  As you guys know I like my discussions about Seduction  or Dating to be FIELD TESTED advice, and Peter brings a LOT of experience as well as success to the table.  I am excited about this post and I know you’re both find it a fun and informative read.

Here we go!

Peter Grimm: Myths and Truths about Pickup

First, let me introduce myself.  My name is Peter Grimm, I’m a good friend of Ronnie’s and was asked to join this group to lend a hand and help bring along some of the new guys who want to experience as much success with women as possible.

First, let me say, I applaud you guys for taking that leap – for dedicating yourselves, for putting yourselves and your egos out there for the sole purpose of grabbing life by the balls and getting the absolute most out of it.  I wish you all the success in the world and I sincerely hope that my experiences can help you speed up your growth and get you to where you want to be as quickly and painlessly as possible.

About me:  I’m nothing special.  I don’t have a silver tongue.  In fact, I’m a pretty quiet, introverted and reserved guy for the most part.  I’m not the center-of-attention pickup type you normally associate with this sort of thing.  I’m not rich either.  I don’t have a flashy job.  I’m a middle manager at an oil company, and my job bores women to tears.

That said, I have had quite a bit of success with women in my lifetime, particularly in the last couple years.  I lost track, but I believe my “count,” if you want to call it that, is somewhere around 200 women at the moment.  A good number of them are quite beautiful.  I am currently sleeping with seven beautiful women…. I would characterize it as I have that part of my life handled.

I don’t say any of that to brag, but rather to encourage you readers – I want you to know that if you really put your mind toward your goal of getting better with women, that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and that you WILL find the success you are looking for.

How I did it was mainly trial and error.  I joined the Dallas Lair in 2008, and I was your typical newbie from that era running around with leather wrist cuffs, feather boas, bedazzled tshirts and 52 rings on my fingers, using canned openers straight out of The Game (hint: you don’t need that stuff).  I read everything under the sun, I took a couple bootcamps, and I went out constantly.  Like 4/5 days a week for a couple years.  I got better and eventually moderated the dallas lair for a little while, then I got burned out from lairs, got in and out of a couple serious relationships, and did my own thing for a while (still going out every weekend).

Anyway, enough about me.  Im gonna go ahead and post this, and below, I will do a writeup of my general thoughts about pickup and how I believe you should structure your learning in order to get good as fast as humanly possible, so you can start enjoying the success you deserve.

Where to begin. 

First of all, what you should know about pickup is that it’s EASY.  There is so much material and advice out there, one can easily get overwhelmed, but it shouldn’t be that way.  When you really break it down, the fundamentals and principles of meeting and sleeping with women (and everything between and after) are NOT complicated and can be easily understood by everyone.

Second, pickup is FUN.  Never lose sight of that.  Never view this as a job or a chore, you’re trying to get your rocks off… it’s not that serious, and it’s not the end of the world if you get blown out every now and then.  This is part of your life, a diversion, it’s not your WHOLE life.

Alright, now let’s get to some meat and potatoes.

Keep in mind that everything I post below is MY OPINION.  Based on MY EXPERIENCES.  It’s not gospel, and there are many ways to skin a cat.  If anyone disagrees with anything I write, that’s fine…. what works for me works for me…. but ultimately you each need to decide for yourselves what your beliefs and philosophies are going to be.

1.)  Myth #1:  Looks don’t matter.

You read this in almost every pickup book you’ll ever buy.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but this one is bullshit.  Looks absolutely do make a difference.  You’re just going to have to learn to accept that reality.  That’s not to say that ugly guys can’t get girls, or even hot girls, but the good looking guy is going to have a lot more chances.  Let me put it to you this way, using a baseball analogy.  An average guy is going to get three strikes before he’s out.  An ugly guy might get one.  A good looking guy will get many more chances to fuck up because the girl wants him to succeed.

Now if you’re thinking about getting discouraged…. DON’T.  Understand that what I mean by “looks” are 80% within your control.  Probably the biggest thing you can do to improve your game RIGHT NOW, which is why I put looks at #1 on my list, is IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.

Bold text alert:  THE SINGLE BIGGEST THING YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR GAME TODAY, RIGHT NOW, IS TO IMPROVE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE.

Let that sink in and marinate.  And I don’t just mean the basics like stand up straight and don’t lean in.  That stuff is important too, but understand that body language is more important than the words that come out of your mouth.

To improve in that area…. practice, practice, practice.  Work on holding good, confident eye contact.  Work on getting rid of that nervous laugh, any nervous ticks, work on moving slowly and confidently.  Mimic actors… that might be the single best way to improve in this area.  Read books on the subject.  In other words, take the study seriously and dedicate time to it, it will pay dividends big time.

Work on your voice.  This one is simple, the deeper, louder, and less shrill your voice is, the more pussy you will slay.  So be mindful of it.  Take voice lessons if you need them.

Aside from body language, get to work on your body.  Eat right, and get your ass in the gym.  Nobody likes busting their ass in the gym but he who works hard plays hard.  It will make a difference with your well-being, and it will certainly make a difference with your success with women.  I’ll leave it at that.

Finally, dress to impress.  I find a marked difference in my success with women just based on how I dress that particular day.  Learn what fabrics and colors look good on you, find your own style, etc.  Again, there are a million different resources out there on how to dress nicely so I won’t go in to it now (if you want me to recommend some, just ask), but this one should be obvious:  pick up a woman’s magazine, and you’ll quickly realize how much clothing matters in the world of women.  It’s how they judge each other, and it’s how they’ll judge you.  It’s how you present yourself to the world, of course it matters.  It’s so easy to do this one right, to set yourself apart from 90% of men out there who dress downright sloppy and without any thought or effort… so just make up your mind to do it and reap the benefits.

To sum up:  I think physical game (looks, dress, body language, voice) account for easily over half of your success with women.  My personal view is that if you can get your physical game 100% down tight, which is just a matter of effort more than anything, then game from that point on becomes about JUST NOT FUCKING UP.

That’s right.  It’s not about dazzling her with your creative stories, your witty one-liners, your practiced openings…. if you get your physical game down tight you don’t need to do anything… everything else becomes a simple question of 1.) not falling in to newbie traps and 2.) Simple logistics.

2.)  Myth #2:  You need good openers to succeed in pickup.

Nope.  99% of women don’t even remember what you opened them with.  Here’s how this whole thing works.  When you open your mouth to begin talking to a woman, she automatically begins assessing you as a potential mate.  This is just automatic.  She’s checking boxes subconsciously in her head.

So the whole idea that you need some “excuse” to talk to her is contrary to basic biology and it puts you in a defensive state of mind, which is not attractive nor is it beneficial to you.

I only open women two ways:  1.)  Situational openers or 2.) Direct openers.  I personally prefer direct, but situational is more socially normal so it just happens more naturally at times (however, bear in mind that it’s always implied, even when you open situationally, that since she is a woman and you are a man, you are feeling each other out as potential partners.)

3.)  Myth #3….. picking up girls at bars is creepy/weird

It isn’t.  You’re a man, you’re attracted to women, it’s biology and it’s perfectly normal and never apologize for being attracted to a girl.

A word on “creepy.”  What is “creepy,” anyway?  You hear this from girls all the time when they’re talking about a guy they don’t like, “oh he’s creepy.”  What does that mean?

Creepy for a woman is a guy who is nervous, who hides his intentions.  The creepy guy leers and stares at the girl but doesn’t work up the courage to talk to her, or he mumbles and skirts around what he really wants, so that she’s left feeling afraid.

We fear what we don’t understand.  Make yourself easy to understand to women, and women won’t fear you, and you won’t creep them out.

So if you notice a hot girl and the thought that runs through your head is “my, what a hot girl,” then your next reaction should be to go up to her and say “I thought you looked really good and I wanted to come say hello.”  Do not use an indirect opener in this situation because she will sense the incongruency, that will cause anxiety, and it’s not productive for you.

Myth #4:  Negs don’t work. 

In the early days of the PUA community, negs were all the rage.  Then a school of thought came around that said negs are useless, you don’t need them, don’t bother incorporating them in to your game.

Well I’m here to tell you, and again this is my opinion, that negs absolutely do work, I don’t know where that contrarian school of thought came from, but yes they work and yes you should incorporate them in to your game.

And that brings us to the subject of validation:  one of the most important concepts in pickup and one that you should master in its entirety.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH A GIRL WHO ISN’T ACTIVELY TRYING TO PROVE HERSELF TO YOU.

Let that sink in, because it’s important.

In nearly every interaction between two people, one person is trying to validate themselves to another.  You need to remember two things:   a.) NEVER validate yourself to a woman and b.) ALWAYS be sure that she’s trying to validate herself to you.

This goes back to what I wrote about game being all about not fucking up:  If you start validating yourself to a woman, you can be Brad Pitt, but you’re not going to get laid.  NEVER, NEVER do it.

So there are two ways you can make a woman validate herself to you, which will ramp up her attraction toward you better than anything else I know….

a.)  neg her  (these should be subtle and NOT seen as insults.  Again, there are a lot of materials out there on how to properly neg so I won’t get in to it here.)   b.)  qualify her  (basically, give her a compliment to the tune of “I like how you XYZ, you’re different from other girls, most girls are completely not like that.”)

Use these and profit.

Myth #5:  You have to be the alpha male, center of attention, all the time.

Nope.  You don’t.  As long as she’s validating herself to you, then you’re more alpha than her, and that’s all you need for the emotional chemistry to work and for you to get some.

Every PUA goes through the “I must be more alpha than everyone, AMOG everyone, hand on the shoulder” stage in their career.  Shit, I was that guy for a while.  While it doesn’t hurt to be the leader, it certainly isn’t the end of the world if you aren’t.  Focus on the nuances of validation instead, that will get you a lot further in my opinion.

It won’t kill you with women if you’re a bossy asshole…that’s not what you’re being evaluated on… but your friendships might suffer.  Just a thought.

Myth #6:  The comfort stage is just about talking about yourself, I don’t need to study it.

Wrong!!  Game is won or lost in the comfort stage, I can’t stress that enough.  I don’t often recommend or push products, but one I can really recommend for this is Kezia Noble has a DVD about comfort… I can’t remember what it’s called now but it really breaks down what you need to do better than anything else I can remember reading.

In a nutshell, that stage of the game isn’t about talking about you.  It’s about getting her to open up about herself at a very deep level.  You want to get good at asking the right questions that will help you understand the thoughts and beliefs that make her who she is.

That’s the ultimate goal.  It’s not about you expressing yourself, it’s about you focusing your attention on her and helping her to express her belief system to you.

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RSVP: An In-Field How-To Guide for Fast Social Circle Game

(This is like FAST Social Circle style game created by one of my Wings back when I was in Detroit. This post was also posted on the Mastermind section of masf back in the day. ~Ronnie)

Themesong:

by Sonics (retired) » November 15th, 2009, 4:05 pm
RSVP: An In-Field How-To Guide

Disclaimer: This Was Written For Educational Purposes Only

For my fellow deep thinkers in shallow thought:

When I’m out gaming I have two main ways of playing: Moment Game which is more of a solo feel or RSVP, which is a group oriented thing that I like to do, or an everybody I’m with gets to play type thing… RSVP is much more tangible as you’ll hopefully see

RSVP is my natural process, at least what my natural pull from the venue process has become… just assigned an acronym to it, once I found the acronym not only did my game improve but you can cut the process down to 30 seconds and pull girls around the venue, very consistently. It by no means is something to live by or to use as a strict rule, but for certain aspects of game, for me, it’s a good guideline.

Think of RSVP as a routine pick-up or a routine bounce. The process and result becomes routine.

My Goal with This Post:

To have everyone (that wants to) reading this with a basic skill set be able to do a 5-30 second RSVP Quick Bounce tonight.

RSVP:

Basic Skill Level:

Eye Contact, Smile, Good Body Language, Loud Enough, Un-limiting Beliefs (at least the belief that RSVP will work… it does, trust)

Hopeless newbies, if they truly exist, can pull this off with a little willingness and some guidance… I’ve gotten one of the most socially awkward guys I’ve ever seen to do this first try, he stumbled through the process and got even more nervous as soon as it worked, like “holy shit, this girl is smiling and following me to the table” nervous… pretty funny in a proud way (Hopeless newbies are only hopeless if they aren’t willing, my anxiety was much worse than his when I got started, I had it bad)

I wrote this as if I were a newbie with only basic community knowledge reading it, so the post came out LONG, IOW this post is very much a “how-to”

The quick bounce might feel mechanical at first but once you get the hang of it “or get the training wheels off” aka being able to improvise it and forgetting about the RSVP structure altogether it becomes fluid and second nature and also a great tool for the field, if you choose to you’ll be used to pulling girls around the venue to a table with you in no time… have fun with it… run the structure, attain the belief, and, if you can, forget you ever read this…

RSVP Quick Bounce in its rawest simplest form:

First have your friends/wings take a seat somewhere… then… go up to a set

PUA: Hey what’s up, you guys having a good night?
HBs: yeah
PUA: I’m actually sitting over there with my friends… let me see your hand [grabs HB’s hand, spin/twirls her around] You know what… you guys are actually pretty cool, come on [pulls set to table]

It’s that easy.

Further explanation below…

RSVP:

Rapport
Seed
Value
Pull

RSVP Quick Bounce:

5-30 second in Venue Group Bounces/Pulls:

In-venue…

Indirect will pull the SET…

If you go direct, mean it and make sure you calibrate it, calibrate everything, it still works consistently and if you’re comfortable with that then that’s the route I recommend you go… I’d save the actual direct interest (SOI) until your back at the table with a second set; but do what you want, you’re going to anyway

Indirect will pull the SET

The Quick Bounce is a group conscious social (on the surface) thing, meaning you’re taking care of your friends while simultaneously setting yourself up with your target. It also gets people involved that might not have been involved otherwise, guys with wicked AA or your non-pickup friends that don’t approach get to chat and possibly hook-up with some girls too… girls want to be social, remember that.

How-To:

(The following are the Steps followed by numbered examples (all field tested) but I encourage you to think of your own and once you get a feel for it freestyle your quick bounces)

Rapport:

Is Assumed… In the quick bounce you’re most likely not going to hit real rapport as soon as you walk up, just do or say something that someone in rapport would do or say… Feels like–> Same page, welcome, cool, chill, mutual, small teases will open the door to rapport… calibrate to the vibe, energy, environment, and maturity level of the set then do/say something like one of the following:

1) Introduce yourself
2) “What’s up”
3) “How ya guys doing?”

Seed:

1) TC while Seeding the pull/bounce/isolation
2) “Real quick… I gotta get back to my friends”
3) “I only have a second, my friends and I got a table”

*TC not needed

Value:

(Own the set at this point (smile) all eyes on you)

The following are some ways to Give Value with some examples:
(You only need ONE of the examples for the V part… Just pick one or two of the examples (or use your own), string them together then pull the set)

Cold/Warm Read

1) You’re the one that’s going to find fun, you’re the one that’s going to take all the fun as it comes, and you… wait, who are you… you’re either the shy one or the driver
2) You guys look like you’re out for a chill night
3) You guys have some Crazy energy

Group Name

1) Charlie’s Angels
2) The Brady Bunch
3) Tyra’s Top Models (intro to your group with sarcastic laughter “just kidding, but you guys are pretty cute” pull–>push–>pull)

Individual Nicknames

1) Mary and Poppins
2) Tweedle Dee and Tweedle… Well [nod knowingly]
3) Cherry & Vanilla/ Cookies & Cream

Good Kino

1) Hand hold
2) Leading her from lower back
3) Couple Kino
4) Playful Push

Role Plays

1) OMG!! Hide Me!!
2) Employee of the month
3) Body Guards
4) Instant Dates/Group Date

Spin Moves

1) Grab/Hold hand and spin her (super simple and effective)
2) Group Spins

State Pumps

1) Social Circle Cheers
2) Improv Game (TD’s thing)
3) Ninja/Bear/Cowboy
4) Any fun/funny thing you can think of that they do with you

Teach Her/Them Something

1) Limes in Coronas

Genuine Interest/Direct

1) You guys have a really cool style, I just wanted to stop and hi
2) My god, you’re beautiful…

Giving A Piece of Yourself (info about you)

1) I just got down here from xxx
2) I’m on vacation

Pull:

Don’t ask, and lead…

1) You know what, you guys are pretty cool, I want you to meet some of my friends
2) You know what, follow me
3) Come with me
4) C’mon

Token resistance is common, especially if you’re doing the 10 second version… just smile and say “C’mon… C’mon” DO NOT STEP BACK TOWARDS THE SET… I’ve seen guys do this… WRONG (there are exceptions to this; but for the most part DO NOT STEP BACK TOWARDS THE SET)

There might be a small amount of fluff between the steps and the more value you give them the more enthused they are about the pull; but the above only lasts for about 30 seconds and you own a set… they follow you to where you’re going.

During the move around the venue you can do the arm in arm thing that Mystery talks about or grab one or more of their hands to lead them to where you’re going, or arm around one’s back hand hold the other (like Group Couple Kino (Insta-Dates/Group Date Role Play)), or if it’s super busy have them all interlock arms or hold hands and pull them through the crowd

Make sure to accomplishment intro your friend(s) on the way to the table.

The set is now yours to play with, they lock in with you, tone it down and GET TO KNOW YOUR TARGET, by the time you’re at the table the Kino is ideally Constant (Constant Kino)

Do this a few times and you and your friends have an in-venue party. You become the sets’ base group. It’s neat when girls you’ve known for a minute make sure their friends stay with you to keep themselves locked in…

The first set you bring back ALWAYS likes you more when you bring the second set… it’s beautiful… if it’s your first time pulling more than one set to your table, sit back and watch the dynamic when you get the chance, it’s pretty… this is also when it gets fun. Make it quick, 10 minutes max to getting the sets there. They never know what’s going on… lol …it’s a mixer… Isolating from one of these groups is simple

You don’t necessarily need a table, just a lock-in place (like a wall) or if it’s a chill place get your friends by a pool table… but know that the girls will psychologically lock-in if you have a table and you’ll get that group vibe close quarters jealousy plot as well… (a table/place to sit is better than an area where everyone stands, unless you’re just dropping off an obstacle(s) then it doesn’t matter.)

Your Social Value/Proof in the room sky rockets, especially amongst your sets. (If appropriate, sprinkle in some compliance based state pumps to keep the party going)

RSVP in its Rawest, Simplest, Least Fun, Yet Effective Form:

PUA: Hey what’s up, you guys having a good night?
HBs: yeah (R)
PUA: I only have second, I’m sitting over there with my friends (S)… but here, let me see your hand [grabs HBs hand, spin/twirls her/them around] You know what… you guys are actually pretty cool (V), come on, I want you to meet my friends [pulls set to table] (P)

…10 seconds

Like I said earlier it might feel mechanical at first, but you’ll get the hang of it (it’s actually kind of fun to act like a robot when doing it)

The Behavior Rule:

Everybody knows the 3-Second rule… That’s great if you’re just starting off or you haven’t been out in awhile to just get a set out of the way and your nerves at bay; but for RSVP (or IMO all aspects of pick-up) it’s Not Always the best route.

Quickly observe the sets behavior: high-energy, low-energy, sleepy, chatty, super happy, bored, deep rapport, fun night out, their body language, sitting, standing, moving, mixed, waiting, bouncing, looking around, empty drinks, texting, dancing, swinging bottles… I admit that that takes much less than 3 seconds… instantly at a glance you guys should know what’s up or at least have a general idea of what’s going on in their set (if you don’t have this ability yet, just keep going into sets and it’ll happen over time, observe guess and go)

The reason I like the behavior rule more is because if the sets behavior tells you they’re waiting for a drink and you apply the 3-second rule you’ll be up at the bar with them waiting to buy a drink… if the competition is fierce go ahead, but if it’s a chill environment just wait it out.

Ideally standing sets with full drinks are best for this, they’re everywhere and require little to no effort on your part for the actual pull.

Do the in-venue quick bounce a couple times and you’ll get a feel for it.

Just remember standing sets are easier to move around, obviously, because they’re already standing. (Standing girls are also easier to disappear with for the same reason)

Troubleshooting:

If you’re getting a lot of hesitation when you do this it could be a couple things, some things to remember when doing this:
1) Smile
2) Have fun
3) String/stack some of your ways to give/assign value
4) Only Give Value
5) Make sure you’ve observed the whole set
6) Calibrated to their energy, the environment, perceived maturity, and vibe
7) It Works Belief (I truly believe that every standing set wants to quick bounce)
Seating does become a problem during the weekend… use your head on this one/improvise
9) Learn as you go… play with it… be charming and learn as you go, this is a simple process. You can all do this tonight…

**For the real pull**

This is how RSVP originated (I wrote a post called “After Party Routine” about a year ago, this is what I was unknowingly doing minus the P, it was all time-bridged and it still works; but personally I like this more because of quality time and the venue changing) It’s a little bit harder to explain in specific detail because every set is different… super simple to do but a little tough to explain. You’re hitting rapport, dropping your seed, openly sharing/exchanging value, then pulling out of the venue based on your seed planted earlier or your new plan… simple as that. Don’t think about it, just do it. I’ve gotten a lot of sex from this.

In short:

RSVP Out of Venue Pull:

(Set/target leaves out of the venue with you to new place or destination)

No quick bounce or wings necessary, not necessarily linear (RSVP to a table or join a set, then RSVP out of the venue (only one playable set needed), standing sets are easier to move around, seated sets are easier to pick up (for me at least))

Most important thing to remember, when you’re going to venue change or pull out of the venue, that many people I’ve been out gaming with seem to disregard is to STAY IN SET… why the hell do people keep ejecting out of sets? Unless you get blown-out or are ejecting for a legitimate or tactical reason, STAY IN YOUR SETS. Growth/knowledge/calibration will come from staying in your sets and seeing it through. You’ll learn which sets are wasting your time by staying in sets that had wasted your time; likewise, you’ll learn which sets are worth your time by staying in set and seeing it through. Use your little head and your gut to decide on whether or not to eject… Premature-Ejectulation is not a blow-out; it’s avoidable and non-productive on so many levels. Just stay in set… You don’t need game with flash to get ass… trust me. If the set wants to pull, your game is done, at that point feel free to wander… until then STAY IN SET…

How-To:
(The steps)

Rapport:

Hooked set, set likes you, same page, cool with each other, real, smooth sailing, chill, friends with potential benefits feel, good vibes, mutual, relaxed, comfortable, locked-in, remember small teases open the door to rapport

Seed the pull:

Near the beginning drop your seed to plant the pull and also to check for enthusiasm. This also involves getting their logistics, or figuring out what their plans are for the near future. If the logistics are seriously bad, time-bridge and move on

Sharing/Exchanging Value:

Run the set for however long you feel necessary, exchange stories, get to know each other, enjoy yourself and play your game… talking/hanging out

Pull:

The group is ready to pull when all the girls (only the girls you want to pull) are putting in effort or have invested effort into the interaction with you, along with other social observations like empty drinks and closing time

Pull the set by bringing up the seed and leaving the venue or by going along with a new plan (going with them for instance) Many times the girls will WANT to leave with you. Going to their/her place is better and more consistent. If driving is involved either get in the car with them or have a wing jump in with them to help with directions… The sets impression of your wings does depend on whether or not they will pull… so, have good wings or don’t get them involved

(ATTAIN THE BELIEF and forget the structure.)

Once you have the belief and you know what to look for in BL, their effort, and vibe, pulling becomes second nature.

IF The Set Will Not Pull:

Watch the set when you go for the pull (really always be focused)… then, if they aren’t going to pull, time-bridge if they hesitate too much to pull and/or also if you have an actual time constraint to be somewhere… time-bride her/them based on your seed or topic in your conversation…

Regularly succeed at a goal (in this case pulling) and you’ve created a skill…

Have Fun,

-Sonics

 

Questions, comments or just some love…  As Always