(continued from A Day in the Life of a Modern Day Seducer with Sleep Apnea Part III)
I went home… And I slepppptttt… My body and mind was worn out from lack of rest. I lay down on my bed and soon was in dreamland.
I think I woke up around midnight. I had slept the rest of the day away, and the problem with OSA and a nap like this is, the inconvenience of sleeping at odd hours and, thus, waking up at even odder hours… But here’s the funny thing about fortune, it doesn’t play by the rules of time is irrelevant. I was up and blurry eyed but feeling good. A nap like this after feeling like hell, always seems to be rather refreshing.
I kinda just milled around for about 20 minutes or so and then at around 12:30 or 1 am I got a text. “Message Received.” said my phone, in a female voice. I checked it. It was from one of the girls I sent the “Tonight?” text to earlier in the day. She was a girl I will refer to as, Whole Foods Boobs, or WFB for short.
She was an attractive girl I met one night at Whole Foods, obviously, and if I remember she had appeared to (and said she had) huge boobs. That’s all about my style. Her text read one word, “Berlin.” Berlin is a bar that’s about a 5 minute Walk from my door. I waited a few minutes and said, “That’s funny, because my house is only a block away. Come over here.”
And this started this tiny little text battle of me trying to cockily convince her to come over and her trying to coyly convince me to come up to Berlin. Keep in mind, I was just pushing the boundaries trying to see how far I could go. I never even went on a date with this girl, and we only knew each other from about 15 minutes of conversation at whole foods, and I expected her to just come straight over. Also, I figured if I gave in too easy and went there straight away, that wouldn’t necessarily be the best impression. I needed to at least make her work.
Back and forth we went, and finally she texted me something like, “How bout being more of a man, and less of an ass. If not, whatev”
I like that text. Challenge accepted. She meant business. So I got dressed up in the snazziest outfit I could throw together in about 5 minutes, quickly did my hair and out the door I went.
To – Berlin.
I had never stepped foot in this place before, even though it was only a block from my house. The obvious reason is because it’s a Gay Dance Club. That kinda means that there’s not really much reason for me to go up there. Not to mention that, in the gay world, I am pretty much a hot commodity. I’m not even what I consider that great looking. I have style, yes, but I’m most definitely NOT the good looking, ultra fit, magazine model. Sorry to disappoint any of my readers who thought otherwise. Sexy? Hot? Yes. But If you saw me I’m not so sure you would think that I was pulling women with my super attractive good looks. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I photogenic at all. I pretty much can’t stand most pictures of myself, but I do think I can put together a pretty cool, sexy look in the mirror. So there’s that. But apparently Gay Guys think so too. If I go to gay venues it is a 100% certainty that I will be approached and hit on. It never fails. Gay guys ALWAYS hit on me.
But I had to weather the storm and go anyway because, here was my prize. So Inside the club, Berlin, I went. And soon, to my disappointment, I discovered that my target, WFB, was pretty piss ass drunk. Shit. I love sex, but I have backed out of so much drunken sex it’s not even funny. I feel, inside, that part of seduction is playing on even terms. I do not seduce drunk chicks, if I can avoid it. Buzzed is ok. Sharing a buzz is ok. But, even to the point of once girl saying to me, “I wanna be fucked,” while she was drunk and in my bed, but then saying, “No” when I asked her if she wanted me to fuck her; and then a completely separate occasion where a shitfaced stripper spent the night at my house and DEMANDED we fuck, and despite her claims of, “I know how all you men are.. If I drop my panties right now you’re going to fuck me.” I do not fuck girls who are ultra trashed. It just doesn’t interest me.
But then again, I am all about letting the buzz wear off, and my girl was only drinking water when I got there so I assumed she was in recovery mode. Regardless, I decided to play gentleman and hang out for a bit and for the most part we just cuddled on this black, built in bench/dance floor thingy. Finally after a while the bouncer came over and, very politely, asked me if I could be cool and take my chick out of the bar. She wasn’t being obnoxious, but like I said, she looked pretty trashed.
So I talked with her and a couple of her friends and was fully intent on getting her a cab and going home. So I walked her outside in the cold and she snapped-to rather quickly. Sometimes the cold can do that. She seemed to be fine after a moment walking on her own and wasn’t even stumbling really. I had zero alcohol in me to make her stumble disappear so I was like, “Ok. She’s a bartender and probably has good recovery.”
So I told her I was gonna get her a cab and her response was, “I want a burrito.” (Yes, that really was her response, 35.) I told her there were no mexican restaurants close that were open, but Clark’s was right by us. So she headed towards Clark’s and I went with her.
Ok, she seemed to be coming out of it quick and maybe some food would help her, but like I said, she was recovering Fast! We sat in the diner and talked and chatted for a while. We talked about this and that, and eventually I geared the topic towards sexuality and how that’s a big part of me. She told me she had a hard time having an orgasm. I told her a lot of girls say that and it’s bullshit.
All I know is I went into a little story I tell about my life experiences and how certain elements of my life geared me to really take an interest in giving women orgasms. I may share that little story with you sometime, but now is not the day. Let’s just say that the FIRST thing women do, when they hear a guy say he can give good orgasms is doubt him. There are, apparently, a shitload of guys out there telling girls they are good in the sack when, in fact, they are not. It’s almost an epidemic. So, I tell my story about WHY I’m good and then it’s up to her to decide if she wants to find out or not.
We kept eating, and after I finished my story she had a look of attention on her face and was silent. So I figured I would put out the offer, “We could always go back to my place, you know…, and listen to some music.”
“I’m not going to your place,” she shot back. Denied! So we finished up our friendly little chat, paid the bill and got up so I could walk her to her cab and call it a night.
We walk to the corner and I hail a passing cab, and she gets inside. “Have a good night,” I say to her, getting ready to close the door.
“Aren’t you coming with me?” was her response…
(conclusion coming soon…)
Today’s Panera Bread Experience. . .
I really tried finding the most non distracting coffeeshop to go to, today. I didn’t want girls, or (oh hell… there;s a sexy milf I must go meet… brb… Oops. She’s on a date. She’s with some really old dude, who looks like the reason she’s with him is that he most likely has money. Upon closer inspection she’s a little chubby, but not gross or fat or anything. And guess what? She has huge boobs. She made the guy go grab both of their food, even though they were these huge bowls that looked like it was a little difficult for the guy to carry on the trays with one hand each. Then once he got back it looked like she sent him back up to grab something else. Maybe that was him getting something for himself though. I have headphones on when I’m listening to this so I can’t hear the conversation.
By the way, she isn’t that hot. She’s ok. But those boobs are right out there. But enough about her. Her and the old dude have a mutually beneficial relationship. He likes her boobs too probably and either is trying to, or has gotten to play with them. Meanwhile she gets free lunch and probably gets to dip into his money a little directly or indirectly. No, not all women are like this but if you were here you would think the same thing. I promise.)
Ok, I was saying how I didn’t want girls or distractions or anything else bothering me. I wanted to finish this story, then study my drinks and also do a little paperwork I am behind on for some random stuff. But here’s the thing. Ya, you know already where this is going… As soon as I get out of my car and walk up to the Panera Bread entrance, and glance through the window, I see a very cute girl sitting right in plain view. So there’s distraction number…
1. Most guys may look and move on. I, of course, take it that life is presenting me with an opportunity for my favorite game… Seduction. I had to go talk to her, and here I will reveal my TRUE fire sure way to approach pretty much any girl in a coffeeshop, anywhere in the world and have her be receptive to my approach, probably your approach too if you do this right.
I get my coffee and I grab some mixers for the coffee, usually honey is all I put in my coffee. I walk over to her table, and without saying a work, I pull out a free chair and sit, while placing my coffee, honey and stir-sticks on the table. She, of course, looks up at me wondering why some stranger just sat down at her table without even asking or introducing himself, when there are plenty of other free seats in the house; to which I respond before I she even opens her mouth, “They say..,” I pause as I glance up only briefly enough to make eye contact, before turning my attention back to my coffee, that begin the process of adding honey to and mixing, “… In Tibet, that it’s bad luck to mix your coffee by yourself, so you should find an interesting stranger to talk to while you’re mixing it.”
(In this case I said Tibet, but I always like to pick some random location on earth to keep myself amused.)
In this case, and like most times, the girl asked, “So you’ve been to Tibet?”
“No,” I reply, “I’m just making this up,” and then looking at her impatiently like she’s interrupting, “But Just let me finish my story!”
In this case the girl had interrupted me twice during my story, the first time to give me a hard time about putting honey in my coffee. In the end she did have a boyfriend that she was serious about so I will save the discussion for a time when it’s more relevant, like when I pull some ass. Needless to say, most of the conversation was smiley and fun for both of us. But these women and their damn boyfriends. If I ever become president I’m passing a law that excludes me from any restrictions on fucking a chick due to relationships. Not that I will do it Despite their relationships. No, I’m not so crass. In my law, the status of said relationship will not apply to me. It just wont count. I will get a waiver, if you will, so that her current relationship is irrelevant.
Now, continuing with a couple other minor distractions, once I got to my table there was a guy on his computer doing live, face to face, chat through webcam with some girl, and they were both smiling and laughing. I thought to myself, “How beautiful. It’s kinda like the Jetson’s, but at the same time very cool that two people can keep in touch that way.”
Then directly to the left of me sat a girl and a guy across from her. She was on the phone talking to someone and crying. I imagined someone must have just died. That was the vibe I got.
The point is, here was life happening all around me, and it just felt kinda magical. NOT as magical as one day, a while back, that I was driving my car through the city and just so happened to be playing Yann Tierson’s soundtrack from the movie Amelie. I was going to post an example of what I’m talking about but those damn, silly copywrite restrictions have pretty much barred the entire soundtrack from being on youtube. Pretty Gay, EMI.
Anyway, you’ll just have to do the homework yourself… 😉 That is… Unless my badassness comes through and I do the homework for you. 😉